Dear iPad Pastaroni,
I think you've been tricked, bamboozled, hornswoggled, flimflammed and depradated! Those elitist lieberals tricked you into thinking you could be a big man on campus
when really you were just a whole lot of entertainment for them.
They played you like a drum.
You see, if you try to walk into a voting station and insist on voting, God fearing American citizens will escort you right outta there.
This is why it's best for you to just relax, stay home and enjoy a snack the way you people like to do (the people who inject the marijuanas).
And in the future, stay away from those elitist book-nerds who think they know better than the Bible! Those are the people God warned you about! Your blood will be upon YOUR head if you get caught short, boy (Ezekiel 3:19).
We're just looking out for what's best for you. Praise GOD!