[Johny Joe Hold]

This is to report to folks that the Freehold Welcoming Committee announced today Benny Hinn's MIRACLE HEALING SERVICES in Freehold has been cancelled.

Hinn wanted to rent the Landover Baptist Church auditorium and said he would pay top dollar for using it. I'm a member of the Committee and we unanimously voted NO.

One problem is we have no handicapped ramps, elevators and make no arrangements whatsoever to accommodate the cripples who show up at Hinn's MIRACLE HEALING SERVICES. The Hinn team said this would not be a problem. The cripples would be bussed in from St. Louis where show would held the night before.

Regardless, we want no part of Hinn's diseased fans. We do not want festering sores, cancer tumors, hunch backs or deformed people of any kind darking the door of beautiful Freehold. Hinn's show would require us to disinfect the entire city.

The ugly people who show up and the diseases they might spread caused us to decline MIRACLE HEALING SERVICES.

[Des]

Following Brother Hold's announcement, anyone wanting their money back for the traveling freak show I had sold tickets to, please present a receipt to my personal assistant for a full refund.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I hope you all know that I could be healing all these people too. I COULD do all the same things the dothead false Christian Benny Hill does. Jesus actually has granted me more healing power than any Pastor in America, but I choose not to involve myself with the unwashed.

Those people are disgusting.

The way I see it, if God cursed people with retardedness and being a cripple, who am I to question His love?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

I hope you all know that I could be healing all these people too. I COULD do all the same things the dothead false Christian Benny Hill does. Jesus actually has granted me more healing power than any Pastor in America, but I choose not to involve myself with the unwashed.
Those people are disgusting.
The way I see it, if God cursed people with retardedness and being a cripple, who am I to question His love?

Thank you, Pastor Zeke. If Hinn came to Freehold, you and I would have had to shake hands with him. After he has touched all those misfits, no thank you.

You have made the right choice with the powers given you by God--avoid cripples.

[Faith_Machine]

Isn't Benny Hinn a Pentecostal?

[Youth Minister Harry]

I'm so confused. I thought he was a fat queen-kisser who ran around in circles slapping bald heads while a monkey played an organ grinder, but in the photos he looks like a corner store clerk dressed up like a kung-fu chef. What is happening?! And why would a cripple want to be healed? Don't good cripples and sickos lay back and take what God is giving them? We have a whole youth ministry devoted to exactly that lesson!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by Youth Minister Harry

I'm so confused. I thought he was a fat queen-kisser who ran around in circles slapping bald heads while a monkey played an organ grinder, but in the photos he looks like a corner store clerk dressed up like a kung-fu chef.

Our Godly Governor here in Iowa, Republican Terry Brantead, has a moratorium on bringing chickens into the state because of the bird flu epidemic. My thinking is we need to apply the same concept to all kinds of human ailments including walking with a cane.

The people Benny buses in to get healed are just too risky for Freehold. Let him bring them into the liberal university cities, Ames and Iowa City. The more liberals get sick the better we all are.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

Our Godly Governor here in Iowa, Republican Terry Brantead, has a moratorium on bringing chickens into the state because of the bird flu epidemic. My thinking is we need to apply the same concept to all kinds of human ailments including walking with a cane.

The people Benny buses in to get healed are just too risky for Freehold. Let him bring them into the liberal university cities, Ames and Iowa City. The more liberals get sick the better we all are.

Amen Mr. Mayor. That's why my Sermon on the cripples is so popular.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Amen Mr. Mayor. That's why my Sermon on the cripples is so popular.

Thank you, Pastor Zeke, for reminding us all of your powerful statements about cripples. No one brings home the message of Jesus' distaste for the deformed and unsteady than you.

I think a lot of churches who have installed handicapped ramps will be in for a big surprise when Jesus returns. We think he was angry when he turned over the tables of the money changers. Wait until we see his anger at those handicapped ramps.