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Reload this Page Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place!
Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

View Poll Results: Which form of sexual purity will you pledge to LBC and Jesus?
Pure as Snow - Complete Sexual Purity 13 12.50%
Born Again Virginity 18 17.31%
Only within marriage and never for pleasure 27 25.96%
Un-Gay Virgin (careful there) 9 8.65%
I'll do as I please with my cooter or choo choo! (hellbound) 37 35.58%
Voters: 104. You may not vote on this poll

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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-11-2008, 02:55 PM

my sister in sin and i have lesbian sex together


Change my god damn name back to morticia and i will behave a little but not much
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 03-02-2009, 02:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
Dearest Jesus! I pray Thee to defend, with Thy grace, chastity and purity in my soul as well as in my body.
The power that the spirit has over the flesh should need no assistance. 'Course, having Jesus as a powerful wingman is one of the greater gifts from The Man, but sexual self-preservation I can handle solo
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 03-02-2009, 04:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir WhiteSox View Post
The power that the spirit has over the flesh should need no assistance. 'Course, having Jesus as a powerful wingman is one of the greater gifts from The Man, but sexual self-preservation I can handle solo
You can't handle anything "solo" heathen! Without Christ in your life, you're nothing but a steaming pile of unsaved bile. Look how screwed up your life is!

You can't even pick the right baseball team!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 06-12-2009, 10:51 PM

I pledge to be a sexually repressed, uptight, miserable wife who bows down to my husband as he spanks me because he walked in on me pleasuring myself with a tube of lipstick or anything else I could find...

I pledge to be sexually inexperienced enough so that my husband can relieve his sexual urges whenever he wants and then turn me into a baby making machine without me knowing that there is contraception available to prevent the pregnancies that stretch my vajayjay and sag my breasts.

Finally, I pledge to be such a bad lover that my husband will prefer to visit a rest stop bathroom and hump a hole in the wall using his godly member than have sex with me because it's so goddamn boring...

No, I think I'll have sex before marriage like men do and avoid a stale sex life.
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 06-25-2009, 11:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by IllLogicalBunny View Post
I pledge to be a sexually repressed, uptight, miserable wife who bows down to my husband as he spanks me because he walked in on me pleasuring myself with a tube of lipstick or anything else I could find...

I pledge to be sexually inexperienced enough so that my husband can relieve his sexual urges whenever he wants and then turn me into a baby making machine without me knowing that there is contraception available to prevent the pregnancies that stretch my vajayjay and sag my breasts.

Finally, I pledge to be such a bad lover that my husband will prefer to visit a rest stop bathroom and hump a hole in the wall using his godly member than have sex with me because it's so goddamn boring...

No, I think I'll have sex before marriage like men do and avoid a stale sex life.
Right on
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 06-25-2009, 01:33 PM

This is a thread about sexual purity, not a place to encourage impurity.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 06-25-2009, 03:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by IllLogicalBunny View Post
I pledge to be a sexually repressed, uptight, miserable wife who bows down to my husband as he spanks me because he walked in on me pleasuring myself with a tube of lipstick or anything else I could find...

I pledge to be sexually inexperienced enough so that my husband can relieve his sexual urges whenever he wants and then turn me into a baby making machine without me knowing that there is contraception available to prevent the pregnancies that stretch my vajayjay and sag my breasts.

Finally, I pledge to be such a bad lover that my husband will prefer to visit a rest stop bathroom and hump a hole in the wall using his godly member than have sex with me because it's so goddamn boring...

No, I think I'll have sex before marriage like men do and avoid a stale sex life.

You and your womanly parts were put on this Earth specifically to make Soldiers of Christ and keep the house clean.


Matthew 7:15
Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 07-04-2009, 12:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by IllLogicalBunny View Post
I pledge to be a sexually repressed, uptight, miserable wife who bows down to my husband as he spanks me because he walked in on me pleasuring myself with a tube of lipstick or anything else I could find...

I pledge to be sexually inexperienced enough so that my husband can relieve his sexual urges whenever he wants and then turn me into a baby making machine without me knowing that there is contraception available to prevent the pregnancies that stretch my vajayjay and sag my breasts.

Finally, I pledge to be such a bad lover that my husband will prefer to visit a rest stop bathroom and hump a hole in the wall using his godly member than have sex with me because it's so goddamn boring...

No, I think I'll have sex before marriage like men do and avoid a stale sex life.
Ummm... bad attitude. Of course, you are expected to be an inexperienced virgin, but you should welcome into your bed and strive to make him as pleasured as possible.

After all, is this not the duty of a good Christian wife. A good wife is happy to have her husband make Christian married love to her, so that he is not tempted to look elsewhere and stray with some fallen harlot, and also that you give birth to many fine Christian warriors.


Acts 3:24-25 "The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else."
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-12-2011, 08:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
Many folks have come to me and expressed the need for help with their own sexual purity. I know all of you (who are worthy) want to be pure, but without GOD's help, you may find yourselves writhing in carnal knowledge like dogs in heat.

Anyway, by choosing an option in this poll you will be committing to LBC and GOD that you will remain pure. Please seal your agreement with our Lord by repeating the prayer below.

Dearest Jesus! I pray Thee to defend, with Thy grace, chastity and purity in my soul as well as in my body.
Amen.

PS Those of you who have the privilege, you may add options to the poll, as usual.
I checked " Pure as Snow - Complete Sexual Purity "
I pray:
Dearest Jesus! I pray Thee to defend, with Thy grace, chastity and purity in my soul as well as in my body.
Amen.
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-20-2011, 06:26 PM

I choose "Pure as snow", because I think that I am pure, God have helped me alot. But when I am married, ofcourse I must... do the naughty so that I can produce babies!

Yours in Christ
Elisabeth


Proverbs 14:1

Every wise woman buildeth her house:
but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-20-2011, 06:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pure_Angel View Post
I choose "Pure as snow", because I think that I am pure, God have helped me alot. But when I am married, ofcourse I must... do the naughty so that I can produce babies!

Yours in Christ
Elisabeth
Not to worry. You won't even know about it most likely.

I always waited for Mrs. Porter to be deep in REM sleep before I did all the hard work of creating my four boys. There is nothing for the woman to do but simply receive the seed, so no reason for her to be awake. And if she started to stir, I would loudly recite my favorite Scripture from Judges to take her mind off any sinful enjoyment of the act.

It will all be okay.

In Christ


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-20-2011, 07:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter View Post
Not to worry. You won't even know about it most likely.

I always waited for Mrs. Porter to be deep in REM sleep before I did all the hard work of creating my four boys. There is nothing for the woman to do but simply receive the seed, so no reason for her to be awake. And if she started to stir, I would loudly recite my favorite Scripture from Judges to take her mind off any sinful enjoyment of the act.

It will all be okay.

In Christ
That is so very, very kind of you Brother Harold! That sounds like true love too me! I hope that my future husband will do the same to mee so I don't need to be aware of it!

YIC
Elisabeth


Proverbs 14:1

Every wise woman buildeth her house:
but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 06-12-2011, 06:23 PM

Dear Brothers or sisters.
Can you help me ?

I want to take a celibacy pledge.

" He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord... " (1stCor 7,32)

But I don't know how to tell this to the Lord.
Can you write me a pray here ?

Thanks


Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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