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The Poetaster's Korner Tasteful poetry for JESUS but don't let the flowers fool you. NO HOMERS ALLOWED!

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Default Dying - 02-05-2007, 06:59 PM

Dying

She sailed away alone on a dream
'neath the full-waxed moon.
She left behind her painful times
and forgot those that may come soon.

She danced about in its silver rays
that glistened 'round her like glass.
She watched her old life fall away
and gracefully lay on the tear-stained grass.

The water was a mirror before her,
there was no movement in the trees;
All was silent, the air was stagnant,
her breath the only breeze.

On the other side, she saw a man standing.
He bade her, "Come, my dear, when the water's frost,"
Stunned, she stood, unsure and waiting.
And when the lake was frozen, she crossed.

"And now, my dear, away with us,
for we sadly cannot stay.
This world is now theirs
as it was ours only yesterday."

But before she left this wondrous place,
with only peace in her heart,
she turned and face this world
with some wisdom to impart:

"My friends," said she, "Do not fret,
in truth we all make our mistakes,
but it isn't over yet.
Though fear may enter your heart
when today ends, remember always
that tomorrow's a new start."



©Alie Benson 2007


(This is what happens when I don't sleep enough!)


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Default Re: Dying - 02-05-2007, 07:16 PM

I saw the title of this thread and who created it, and my heart did a little joyful jump. Finally, one of these heathens are going to see the Truth first-hand! But no, once again you only disappoint.


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1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
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Default Re: Dying - 02-05-2007, 07:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
I saw the title of this thread and who created it, and my heart did a little joyful jump. Finally, one of these heathens are going to see the Truth first-hand! But no, once again you only disappoint.
Aww, I'm sorry, Sister M&M. If it makes you feel better, I'm going to die eventually.


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Default Re: Dying - 02-05-2007, 07:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
Aww, I'm sorry, Sister M&M. If it makes you feel better, I'm going to die eventually.
You indeed will eventually die and before the great white throne hear the Stentorian tones of the Almighty tell you he knows you and your Pagan abomintations not, before he drop-kicks your sorry ass into the Flames that are never Quenched.

For we True Christians™ death is but a portal to eternal bliss in Heaven with the Lord and the other anointed.


Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: Dying - 02-06-2007, 08:41 PM

Dear Alie,

You understand of course, that these are poetry critical boards here,
and that's why you caught a bit of flak.

What can I add? Well, to the purpley poem itself: The "it's" in L1 of S2 refers to the dreamer's boat: the dream itself.
But that's not right. You might fix that easily enough.

There's pretty language and nice images throughout, albeit self-absorbed and inervating to the reader.

The finish is particularly sappy.

In summation: a cracking good poem because it is a testament of a soul damning itself to hell. As such, it is a warning, yes a warning for others to heed.

Thank you, and please, morrrre poetry! Poetry of your nature's kind elevates
we poetry critics.


Last edited by Poetic Peter; 02-06-2007 at 08:43 PM.
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Default Re: Dying - 02-06-2007, 10:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poetic Peter View Post
Dear Alie,

You understand of course, that these are poetry critical boards here,
and that's why you caught a bit of flak. I didn't really consider it flak; I've been coming to this forum for years and I knew exactly what I was in for when I posted that. It's just something you get used to.

What can I add? Well, to the purpley poem itself: The "it's" in L1 of S2 refers to the dreamer's boat: the dream itself.
But that's not right. You might fix that easily enough. It actually refers to the moon's silver rays.

There's pretty language and nice images throughout, albeit self-absorbed and inervating to the reader. Ehn. It was 1:30 in the morning, so I don't let that bother me so much

The finish is particularly sappy. Ugh, I know! I was kicking myself as I wrote it, but I figure that every person is allowed to have a little cheese in their work every now and then.

In summation: a cracking good poem because it is a testament of a soul damning itself to Hell (I thought you might want that capitalized.). As such, it is a warning, yes a warning for others to heed.

Thank you, and please, morrrre poetry! Poetry of your nature's kind elevates
we poetry critics.

I'm not sure how I want to react to that last bit...


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