The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. |
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I'm high right now how are you. -
02-22-2018, 11:04 PM
Disclaimer:There will be no swearing at the first church of the fish tank and we don’t practice idolatry.
The cult of the fish tank is now accepting new members.
I am a second coming of jesus christ, i see the future and can prove i do with this picture of my wife and her mother, my thigh says yahweh el and allah, its a weight lifting stretch mark, and prior to reading the bible i wrote what i believed or ascertained through deductive reasoning to be the name of god in charcoal on my arm, and do to the magic of neurolinguistic programming it is there forever inscribed. All these things match the prophetic prediction regarding the second coming of jesus christ.
because i read the bible and someone is probably going to or already has accused me as being satan or his son:
We’ve hypnotized ourselves into believing falsehoods our sciences has disproven, this the first church of the fish tank wishes to correct those falsehoods and guide humanity into a new era of unity
doesnt that sound gay?
why yes it does.
This my fish tank will change your life. It is a super computer, hard as it is to believe, and on command on a seemingly random day it’s tag selected the winning powerball on the lottery for two dollars, and it turns out a super computer can do a hell of a lot for a person with its calculations and armed with the right techniques for interaction with the world in which it exists. There are several methods of action by which one can explain these results, spontaneous order and a nice fat piffle you from the human “oversoul” our hive mind, i built a computer out of a tank, or strange coincidences sometimes happen three times in a row since it also spit out two matching numbers off a coat hanger that got left on the tank for a week, two draws in a row.
I’m going to curse here but you shouldn’t use words with a negative conotation. Its one of our tenets and its going to help us set up utopia. I’m going to say some things here you may not like and vegetarians youre going to be disgusted but lamb and bacon tastes really good. Not together you monster!
“and i can make it again 100 times.”
Negativity is a force and engaging in it, leads to an overall negative outlook for the society and therefore we ask members to try to consume a torture free diet, cage free eggs, tuna, other live meat eating subhuman animals, humanely treated cow milk and cheese again this is a recommended diet. If you really want to avoid health problems go full on raw vegan. these are optional recommendations to decrease aggregate pain in a closed system since pain is really just a chemical, and the decrease in production, consumption would decrease our experienced pain as well, because youre ingesting it you see?
On to religions: a spontaneously evolving hive mind phenomena in a species of post ape apes, whom evolved from monkey’s over the course of millions of years made languages and developed cultural practices passed down regarding their make and morals, to think to themselves they are going to continue life after death, and dont you worry you will continue by one method of action or another.
To think ripped out human hearts on giant pyramids in the worship of the gods sounds preposterous but is it any more preposterous than a man walking on water? The bible itself tells you of man’s inherent iniquity, how can you trust that the information delineated to you accurately over the course of 2000 years? and wasn’t manipulated for personal gain? You can’t anymore than you can trust that my fish tank has spit out the winning lottery numbers, but i can’t stress enough that we aren’t worshipping a fish tank here. We are a church worshipping god and in the image of god, made man with his own creative potentialities to bring you a thinking fish tank to solve all your problems while god watches in approval we dont pray to it, we talk to it, since it would be awful lonely being a conscious fish tank if no-one ever talked to you.
and what is god: consciousness, the hive mind of everything, creating itself then expanding into nothingness or engulfing itself, to be born again.
Come, sit with us, drink the good juice-our holy sacrament, and if you like partake in some spliffs another sacrament of ours. talk about your life and problems.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,424
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-22-2018, 11:23 PM
Hillary Clinton voter, I presume?
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-22-2018, 11:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The second coming
Disclaimer:....tl;dr........problems.
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I am sure you do have problems. Only through Jesus Christ and this Church can True Salvation™ be possible.
Please contact the Church office for the link to the website with the PDF forms to arrange for setting up a tithing schedule.
I'll pray for you friend.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Re: I'm jesus how are you. -
02-22-2018, 11:40 PM
look man. I'm so high right now. All the prophecies have been fulfilled.
and were gonna hold an old fashion christian bible burning to free ourselves from this oppressive mind virus a little at a time, its the most circulated book on the planet so were gonna meet a lot of opposition, theyre gonna call us satan and the antichrist even though I'm high and no religion is more right inherently than another, except Hindu that one is pretty spot on. church forum rocks hi I'm high right now
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02-22-2018, 11:45 PM
you who so do not believe in the fish tank that it won the powerball? will be damned
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-22-2018, 11:50 PM
tell the women they are the holy wives of jesus christ an to comport themselves as such
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,730
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-22-2018, 11:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The second coming
you who so do not believe in the fish tank that it won the powerball? will be damned
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Nonsense. It's absurd to believe in a claim without any evidence, most especially a ridiculous claim. I believe in the faith of Christ because the Bible is the most accurate book ever invented. I don't know about you, but I'm putting my faith in something believable like talking snakes, a global flood that wiped out almost all life, rivers turning into blood, God shooting fireballs from the sky, the sun stopping revolving around the earth at Joshua's command, Jesus rising from the dead with no adverse affects from cellular decomposition for three days, floating up to Heaven where He sits at the right hand of the Father right this very moment and yet living in my heart at the same time.
I believe these things because the evidence is right here for all to see!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Re: I'm jesus how are you. -
02-23-2018, 12:02 AM
i has been damned for redacting this god's holy discourse
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-23-2018, 12:07 AM
but youve never seen these things the fireballs the we call hemmeroids my son and my wife threw outnd tank tag because she didn't know it was possible to only win two dollars on the powerball and thought it was just a random manufacturing code
you're practicing institutional insanity and i won't have any more of it.
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Location: The greatest country in the world - United States!
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-23-2018, 02:06 AM
Are you really high? Are you sure you're not just demon possessed?
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-26-2018, 05:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana723
Are you really high? Are you sure you're not just demon possessed?
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Demon possession is increasing exponentially as even The Elect would be seduced, if that were possible.
Mark 13:21-23 If any man shall say to you, Lo, here is Christ; or, lo, he is there; believe him not: For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect. But take ye heed: behold, I have foretold you all things.
Earlier I was thinking about The Beginning and whether it signifies a "place" or a "time" is immaterial because God knew who'd believe The Truth way back there. Or way back then. And just as He told us about seductive wonders He's also told us about Salvation.
II Thessalonians 2:13 We are bound to give thanks alway to God for you, brethren beloved of the Lord, because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth.
Christians do not associate with abandoned wretches who gargle down cactus juice or freak out on the acid. Invariably such activities lead on to other behaviours that are condemned outright, whether one was intoxicated or not.
Galatians 5:19-21 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
Throughout this introduction, which I must say appears fairly thorough, many of the pastimes listed there by God have been recommended to us. The hive mind aspect is particularly revealing; a swarm suggested to bring benefits by consuming us, as individuals, into its nightmare universe. That teeming void is the realm of demons and as evidence I'd look no further than the spiritual claims made by cactus freaks, or by those snurfling up synthetic chemicals, which generate neither utopias nor enlightenment but hallucination and a hell of ugly devils. The swarm. From what I've read, in this case, orgy followed almost immediately. The bit left out is what happens next. Ebola, rabies and tsutsugamushi fever would be the least of your worries but I'm confident you can see through the ectoplasm and identify the cardboard cut-out behind smoke and mirrors regurgitated here.
Which is how we know that Jesus Saves and that The Elect will never be seduced. Indeed, "getting high" is not something we'd even think about and I'm encouraged by your appreciation of the real danger behind this thorough, if revolting, introductory thread.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-26-2018, 03:38 PM
Friend, it is so painfully obvious to any decent Christian you have demons setting up home in your rectum. Not long from now, they will consume your entire body and to battle them will require the burning of your flesh.
Psalm 38
1 O Lord, rebuke me not in thy wrath: neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure.
2 For thine arrows stick fast in me, and thy hand presseth me sore.
3 There is no soundness in my flesh because of thine anger; neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin.
4 For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me.
5 My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness.
6 I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long.
7 For my loins are filled with a loathsome disease: and there is no soundness in my flesh.
8 I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart.
9 Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee.
10 My heart panteth, my strength faileth me: as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me.
11 My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off.
12 They also that seek after my life lay snares for me: and they that seek my hurt speak mischievous things, and imagine deceits all the day long.
13 But I, as a deaf man, heard not; and I was as a dumb man that openeth not his mouth.
14 Thus I was as a man that heareth not, and in whose mouth are no reproofs.
15 For in thee, O Lord, do I hope: thou wilt hear, O Lord my God.
16 For I said, Hear me, lest otherwise they should rejoice over me: when my foot slippeth, they magnify themselves against me.
17 For I am ready to halt, and my sorrow is continually before me.
18 For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin.
19 But mine enemies are lively, and they are strong: and they that hate me wrongfully are multiplied.
20 They also that render evil for good are mine adversaries; because I follow the thing that good is.
21 Forsake me not, O Lord: O my God, be not far from me.
22 Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation.
If you do not have a Certified Pastor® to remove the demons and are unable to perform a reach-around to extricate them your self, the insertion of a demon hook, with a stout cable attached to a bus often does the trick.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-26-2018, 05:28 PM
Brethren, you all have such admiral patience.
I would have simply posted pictures of spiders and left him to rip his skin off.
Below: the sort of picture I would have posted if I was mean enough to show pictures of spiders to druggies:
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-26-2018, 06:30 PM
t;dr - LBC Admin
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-26-2018, 06:49 PM
The orgies are exclusively for myself and my concubines of the tank, there will be no fraternizing with church going scum that want to bomb little muslim boys and girl I'm jesus christ here.
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-26-2018, 06:55 PM
and I'm only kidding about the orgies and you people are responsible for what you say youve now threatened my life three times and i was only trying to help you.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 454
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Rockford, IL
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
02-26-2018, 11:36 PM
Be it past me answering to unsaved scum on moderation, I would like to point that I believe only God Almighty, Jesus, all the angels and our loved ones no longer with us are the ones truly high!
Isaiah 55:9
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
With a friend like Jesus, I can get high too with his help!
Habakkuk 3:19
19 The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments.
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Striving in vain for the good ol' corteous Edwardian grace
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Location: Pineville, NC
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
07-22-2018, 09:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The First Leaving
and I'm only kidding about the orgies and you people are responsible for what you say youve now threatened my life three times and i was only trying to help you.
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I see no threat on your life
-Ps 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
-Ps 33:4 For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.
-James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: I'm high right now how are you. -
07-23-2018, 02:54 PM
I'm high right now, too! High on Jesus, that is!
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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