Now that Godly President Trump has embraced the benefits of purging War (1 Samuel 15:18), it is time we turned out attention to the more pressing problems. The story so far:- God Created Heaven and Earth (Genesis 1:1) including all the elements in it.
- The woman sinned (Genesis 3:6).
- Sodomy was introduced (1 Kings 14:24).
- Jesus tried to fight sodomy (1 Corinthians 6:9-10).
- He failed, and sodomites continue to frequent our premises until Judgment Day (Revelation 22:14).
We also know that since the 1970's the
gay plague has spread in an exponential manner. More and more boys and girls succumb to the pleasures of same-sex flesh and lose almost all hope for
Salvation (Romans 1:26). Something has changed but
what? In the early years of the 20th century homosexuals were few and scattered.
Rainbow flags did not flutter in hands shaking from the effects of recreational drugs and unnatural lust. Was there
something present during the years, let's say, 1900-1936 that is no longer available. Indeed, there was. It was the era of
Radium Therapy!
Radium: An element Created by God (Genesis 1:1) extracted from uraninite. An alkaline uranusinite Earth metal (remember Genesis 1:1, God Created the Earth - Earth metal - get it?). It glows beautifully.
Is it good? Remember: It emits
Light! Let's ask God!
Genesis 1:4
And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
Yes, it
is Good. Is
Jesus involved? Remember: Radium emits Light. Let's ask
Jesus!
John 8:12
Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.
Radium is Light and Jesus is light.
Radium is the light of Life. What does
Life mean? Once more, Let's ask Jesus!!
John 3:15
That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
It's time to get back to the gay scourge. With diminishing proportions of the World's population following
Jesus (John 3:18), more and more are engaging in sodomistic homosexual sex. This leads to
blasphemy (Matthew 12:31) and ultimately loss of
all hope. We are among the few remaining people who care for the homosexuals and try to spread our
Love to Help them! We can only reach as many despite our continuous efforts of evangelizing on the marketplace, the street, the mall. Before we can reach all the unsaved,
some of them may be lost for good. Radium therapies provide us with a tool to slow down the homosexual plague among the unsaved and give them a chance to hear
us before it is too late. It is unnecessary for
True Christians™ to use the radium products, but if we can re-introduce them, I am sure that they will find avid consumers also among our Brethren and Sisters. Let us see what was available in the 1930's and what were
the benefits of these particular products! I'm so excited!
First, the therapies to fight
sodomy!
The
suppositories!
Praise Jesus! Instead of inserting a throbbing tallywhacker into one's
dérrière, an aspiring sodomite will use these light-emitting extracts of the essence of pure
Christ that decays into ionizing radiation that is
lethal to the rectal demons. In addition, they can help you restore the "sex power" needed to consummate the
repulsive but necessary monthly heterosexual act to produce offspring as ordered by
Jesus (Genesis 1:28).
Radium Condoms! Glory to God! I
know that
no True Christian™ ever uses birth control (Genesis 1:28), but for the
repenting homer, who still succumbs into occasional bouncing or the experimenting teen it can protect the active partner from being exposed to rectal demons until a preacher is available.
Radium
water. Thank you,
Jesus! It (remember John 7:38) will not only help control the ailments listed in the above image (when waiting for a suitable preacher), it would also
protect the person from being afflicted irrevocably by the
oral joys that homosexuals sodomites also practice.
Radio-active
chocolate and
butter!
Praise God! All the
intestine - the organ most susceptible to sodomistic pleasures - can be kept relatively clean during the period when a sodomite starts to question his/her activities but a preacher has not yet exorcised them!
What if the
worst has happened and a sodomite or a harlot woman has engaged in
unnatural oral acts and consumed the seeds of new soldiers for Christ!
Radium toothpaste! Jesus Saves! While this cannot
totally save a sinner, it may help to minimize the effects of fornication until definite help arrives in the form of a True Christian™ man and the
Bible!
Radium cigarettes! By the
Grace of God! Sometimes during the buccal act of unnaturality, a badly-timed
inhalation may cause the entry of demonic entities through the airways. These health-promoting products can once again delay the onset of total depravity!
No, we have
not forgotten the
children! The most susceptible, the most fragile of creatures, who we must guard against sodomistic influences until they reach the age of Repentance.
Praise Jesus (Mark 7:27)! With this radium wool and heaters our women can knit
healthy and glowing sweaters to our babies and keep them protected during meals!
And
no woman will turn into a female homosexual if she uses the radium-based beauty products.
Are there
side-effects? Of course there are! Radium causes diverse
malignant tumors but once the person is Saved, these cancers can be taken care of (Matthew 10:8) or if the ex-homer
perishes, his place is
Heaven is still secure (Romans 8:39). It's a real
win-win situation.
For our
preachers and
exorcists who have to shake hands with sinners I recommend the following product of lush, creamy and
soothing soap:
Exodus 30:21
So they shall wash their hands and their feet, that they die not: and it shall be a statute for ever to them, even to him and to his seed throughout their generations.
Where is the
scientific evidence, I hear you say! Has the
Creation Science Department verified these hypotheses? I can assure you that we have. Who is the manliest man ever?! Who's the most shining example of heterosexual manhood in Eternity?!
It's Jesus! Let's ask Him!
1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.
Can radium help us attain this
Godly Goal?
Jesus will tell you the answer if you look at the image below!
Praise Jesus! I rest my case!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
PS. For our pianists and organistics, please rehearse the following nice tune for our next meeting!