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Default Satan's Toy Chest - 08-12-2010, 12:46 PM

Coloring Books


Coloring books trick children into going against God's will. The Lord made everything a certain color. The sky is blue. Grass is green. Given a coloring book and a box of crayons, most kids will desecrate God's great design with orange dogs and purple trees, which pretty much guarantees eternal damnation. I have only wanted to change the natural color of something twice in my life, and that was Barack Obama when he won the presidency and my wife for a stretch in the 80s when I had an Asian fetish.

If you must buy your child a coloring book, pre-color it for him or her. You'll not only be saving your little one work, you'll be saving his or her soul.


Rocking Horses



A rocking horse simulates sexual congress and stimulates the young rider's genitals. Pleasure is being derived from a horse; ergo, the rider will grow up to be attracted to horses. Do not allow your child to mount a rocking horse. Your young one may grow up to star in a production of Equus or hang out at racetracks to play the horses without actually placing a bet.


Bowling Balls



Bowling balls encourage youngsters to stick their fingers in holes. If that doesn't fill you with moral outrage, then you are Satan himself (if you are Satan, please stop making me have weird thoughts about Zac Efron).



Baseball Cards




Having pictures of men is gay. Having pictures of men accompanied by statistics and biographical information is gayer. I haven't actually read the back of a baseball card, but more than likely tallywacker size is included. Given that all baseball players use steroids, I would guess that figure is pretty unimpressive. The term "big league" is a misnomer, folks.


Jolly Jumping Jack



Jolly Jumping Jack plays about as hard to get as a Carrot Top joke. Pull the cord, and he spreads his legs. A word of advice, Jack: if you want a child to respect you, wait until the fifth play date.


Medical Kits



Evidently toy-makers believe parents want their children to play doctor. Utterly reprehensible. Let's call it what it really is--a Pap smear kit.


Dolphin Foot-to-Floor Riding Toys



I'm not an ichthyologist, but I know that dolphins have holes somewhere on their backs, precisely where children ride this wicked toy. Little peckers and dolphin holes are an unholy combination.
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Default Re: From Satan's Toy Chest: Perilous Playthings - 08-12-2010, 03:36 PM

Toy-makers have been trying to destroy America's youth for decades. This is a contemptible game from the 60s.

Tight Squeeze



Children are dry-humping on the box cover. That's a pretty big red flag.
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Default Re: From Satan's Toy Chest: Perilous Playthings - 08-12-2010, 03:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
Toy-makers have been trying to destroy America's youth for decades. This is a contemptible game from the 60s.

Tight Squeeze



Children are dry-humping on the box cover. That's a pretty big red flag.
Is that an alternative version to Twister that promotes groping and flesh rubbing.



Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
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Default Re: From Satan's Toy Chest: Perilous Playthings - 08-12-2010, 04:22 PM

Twist-a-pillar



This queer caterpillar wraps itself around your youngster's leg like a horny Chihuahua. As if that weren't revolting enough, it also looks like the lovechild of the Hookah-Smoking Caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland and Liberace.
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Default Re: From Satan's Toy Chest: Perilous Playthings - 08-12-2010, 05:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
Toy-makers have been trying to destroy America's youth for decades. This is a contemptible game from the 60s.

Tight Squeeze



Children are dry-humping on the box cover. That's a pretty big red flag.
Brother, what is the GLOVE for?


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: From Satan's Toy Chest: Perilous Playthings - 08-12-2010, 08:56 PM

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Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Brother, what is the GLOVE for?
I don't want to imagine what disgusting purpose it serves. The fact that it's purple makes it all the more sinister.
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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-12-2010, 11:00 PM

Baby Dolls



It makes me sick whenever I see a little girl holding one of these dolls. Babies are evidence of sexual congress, so basically these toys insinuate the little mommy is a big harlot.
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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-12-2010, 11:13 PM

Thank you for this informative topic Brother OMH.
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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-12-2010, 11:15 PM

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Originally Posted by Disciple Luke View Post
Thank you for this informative topic Brother OMH.
You're welcome. In the future you may call me "Mr. Hatchet."
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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-12-2010, 11:26 PM

It is just disgusting how the secularist will go out of their way to indoctrinate children into their little cult at an early age. It's like every toy they give their children has to keep pushing "it's okay to be gay", "dinosaurs are real" and "when you die it is the end of you so do what you want". Can't children be allowed their innocence? Must they start worrying about death and pain before they are even ten?

The way we Christians raise our children is much more kind. OUR children know that they can die any moment and Jesus is waiting to judge them.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-13-2010, 02:35 AM

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Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
Elmo's World Silly Sounds Guitar



This loud and garish toy promotes the rock n' roll lifestyle. I'm surprised heroine and STDs aren't included. What's worse, any boy who picks up Elmo's World Silly Sounds Guitar will surely have a steady stream of little girl panties thrown in his face. Chicks are suckers for guys with guitars.
Brother Hatchet:

You make some very salient points

I note that the toy has been cleverly designed to encourage strumming the guitar near / on Elmo's 'toilet area'

I presume this is to covertly corrupt the child and to promote and cultivate Homosexual acts at a very young age

Leviticus 22:25

Nor from a foreigner’s hand shall you offer any of these as the bread of your God, because their corruption is in them, and defects are in them. They shall not be accepted on your behalf.’”


2 Samuel 22:31

As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the LORD is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-13-2010, 10:22 AM

Fisher-Price Smart Cycle



If you want your child to join a motorcycle gang, by all means purchase this toy. I predict within 24 hours you'll be dealing with leather pants, B.O., a lawless attitude, and broken furniture.
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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-13-2010, 01:13 PM

Toy Story Dolls



Any decent parent should have qualms about giving his or her child a "Buzz" and/or a "Woody."
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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-13-2010, 04:13 PM

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Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
Toy Story Dolls



Any decent parent should have qualms about giving his or her child a "Buzz" and/or a "Woody."
I stole a buzz toy from a friend when i was a kid. Today, i am not a thief anymore.


Leviticus 18:23 Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.
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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-14-2010, 12:34 AM

You Explore It Human Body Kit



The human body is meant to be covered in shame and remain wholly mysterious; however, this fiendish kit encourages bodily exploration. I can proudly say that I have never had direct eye contact with any genitals or buttocks. I employ a viewing box similar to what one would use to observe a solar eclipse.



Notice the invitation on the box's cover for children to "grab it" and "pull it out." I am outraged!
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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-14-2010, 01:02 AM

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Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
You Explore It Human Body Kit



The human body is meant to be covered in shame and remain wholly mysterious; however, this fiendish kit encourages bodily exploration. I can proudly say that I have never had direct eye contact with any genitals or buttocks. I employ a viewing box similar to what one would use to observe a solar eclipse.



Notice the invitation on the box's cover for children to "grab it" and "pull it out." I am outraged!
I am afraid my eyes aren't what they used to be but is that a monkey wearing glasses in the ''scientist suit' on the bottom of the ''You explore it kit''. Is this some inside darwinian joke they are attempting there?


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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-14-2010, 01:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Benedict A. Davis View Post
I am afraid my eyes aren't what they used to be but is that a monkey wearing glasses in the ''scientist suit' on the bottom of the ''You explore it kit''. Is this some inside darwinian joke they are attempting there?
It looks like a dog to me. It's probably placed there to subliminally make children want to seek out the groin area.
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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-19-2010, 09:19 PM

Sing-A-Ma-Jigs



This toy bears a striking resemblance to something else:

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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-19-2010, 09:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
Sing-A-Ma-Jigs



This toy bears a striking resemblance to something else:

Open and shut case of encouraging children toward orally sodomizing their pet dogs. Probably includes instructions on how to lure their pet into a closet or some out of the way place before molesting it and a detail set of excuses for the dogs strange behavior to tell their parents

Jesus only knows how much abuse has been caused by this "toy".



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Default Re: Satan's Toy Chest - 08-19-2010, 10:27 PM

Full Body Finger Puppets



It's time for Mr. Owl and Mr. Zebra to get a prostate checkup, and your child's performing the examination. The makers of these despicable toys should at least have the decency to include latex gloves.
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