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Default Baptists and health - 12-27-2006, 07:56 AM

What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health; and exercise?

Are these just distractions from the Holy Bible™?
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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-27-2006, 11:30 AM

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Originally Posted by demoncrat View Post
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health; and exercise?

Are these just distractions from the Holy Bible™?
Exercise is most certainly a distraction, if one allows it to rule one's life; Christian ladies find all the physical jerks they need whilst doing the housework - prancing around the gym is the domain of lycra-clad harlots and homers and harlots who entertain fantasies regarding turning such homers into "buff" heterosexuals.

1 Timothy 4:8 -- For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come


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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-27-2006, 04:54 PM

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Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers View Post
Exercise is most certainly a distraction, if one allows it to rule one's life; Christian ladies find all the jerks they need...
Not surprised given the circumferential disposition of your congregation. I found this picture in the Landover personals...the ad said something about cat lover and mother looking for man with pick-up truck and powered tailgate.



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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-27-2006, 05:07 PM

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Originally Posted by demoncrat View Post
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health; and exercise?

Are these just distractions from the Holy Bible™?
I don't understand a word you're saying. Are you asking for my recipe for Baptist Bacon Wrapped Pork Loaf? I must appologize, but that recipe is only trusted to the most saved among our congregation.


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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-27-2006, 05:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat View Post
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health; and exercise?

Are these just distractions from the Holy Bible™?
I won't even pretend to understand most of your question. However, exercise is certainly in the Bible(KJV1611).
I prefer to think that The Lord made me perfect enough in Mind Body and Sould not to have to be concerned about such things.

Psalm 131:1
Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor mine eyes lofty: neither do I exercise myself in great matters, or in things too high for me.



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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-28-2006, 12:24 AM

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Originally Posted by demoncrat View Post
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health;
Whatever disease Jesus chooses to kill you with is none of my business; that's between you and Him.

However, between you and me, some of those afflictions He comes up with are astounding. The eblola virus causing the darkies in africa to bleed from the eyes was my personal favorite. But getting turned into a retard thru alzheimer's not only shows you that Jesus means business; it's pretty damned funny. Our Saviour isn't all serious stuff you know; He's quite a prankster.

Dean
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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-28-2006, 12:32 AM

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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-28-2006, 01:04 AM

Is exercising a sin now too? For heaven's sake. What if one does it at home and maybe runs outside sometimes. But not in the gyms with the homos!


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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-28-2006, 02:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat View Post
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health; and exercise?

Are these just distractions from the Holy Bible™?

I notice you're studiously avoiding all mention of the mental health of Baptists.....could there be a reason for this?


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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-28-2006, 12:22 PM

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Originally Posted by lilith View Post
I notice you're studiously avoiding all mention of the mental health of Baptists.....could there be a reason for this?
Well, as I see it, there is no way that the landoverians could have mental health issues. Because in order for them to do so, that would require them having a mind in the first place. *snicker*



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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-28-2006, 12:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
I don't understand a word you're saying. Are you asking for my recipe for Baptist Bacon Wrapped Pork Loaf? I must appologize, but that recipe is only trusted to the most saved among our congregation.

I always liked this for the holidays:
http://search.yumyum.com/recipe.htm?ID=7360

and this for the turkey

http://www.recipesource.com/fgv/stuf...e-turkey1.html


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5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-28-2006, 01:42 PM

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Originally Posted by Arethusa View Post
Is exercising a sin now too? For heaven's sake. What if one does it at home and maybe runs outside sometimes. But not in the gyms with the homos!
Excercise isn't a sin, just futile, as long as you stay away from the homer Richard Simmons types. But as the wise and Godly Mrs. Rogers points out, the pentathlon of cooking, washing up, ironing, sewing and floor-scrubbing should give you all the excercise you need.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-28-2006, 04:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat View Post
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health; and exercise?

Are these just distractions from the Holy Bible™?

Friend,

Six months ago my doctor told me my blood pressure was 210 over 120. He told me he was amazed I was still alive and demanded I go on a crash diet. I saw Satan standing there behind Dr Raghead, wispering lies into his Hindoo head * I told him to keep his filthy pills to himself and I turned to Jesus for help. Friend, I am still here amoung you a healthy, big boned Christian.

Now, does that ansewer your question friend?


* Why are all the doctors Indian?



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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-28-2006, 06:33 PM

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Originally Posted by eliot mayfield View Post
Those recipes look so delicious and healthy, Brother Mayfield. I'll be sure to give those to the nurses at the Baptist Heart Center in Iowa Falls.


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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-29-2006, 06:49 AM

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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Friend,

Six months ago my doctor told me my blood pressure was 210 over 120. He told me he was amazed I was still alive and demanded I go on a crash diet. I saw Satan standing there behind Dr Raghead, wispering lies into his Hindoo head * I told him to keep his filthy pills to himself and I turned to Jesus for help. Friend, I am still here amoung you a healthy, big boned Christian.

Now, does that ansewer your question friend?


* Why are all the doctors Indian?
Maybe you should cut down on the salt and stop getting angry over unsaved trash such as myself?
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Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-29-2006, 02:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat View Post
Maybe you should cut down on the salt and stop getting angry over unsaved trash such as myself?
And maybe you should cut down on the sauciness and stop being the kind of unsaved trash that makes Bobby Joe - and OUR LORD - so angry?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Mrs. Rogers Mrs. Rogers is offline
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Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-30-2006, 03:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Excercise isn't a sin, just futile, as long as you stay away from the homer Richard Simmons types. But as the wise and Godly Mrs. Rogers points out, the pentathlon of cooking, washing up, ironing, sewing and floor-scrubbing should give you all the excercise you need.
Not only is housework perfectly adequate exercise, Brother, it is also jolly good for the health of one's hooters; keeping True Christian™ bosoms fit and disease-free, so that they may better milk True Christian™ babies.

Housework is God's gift to women, and a sign that He does indeed love us, despite our being the weaker sex.


True Christians are Perfect!

Signs that you belong to a FALSE Christian Church.

Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.

For True Christians™ only: please send me Project Habakkuk updates at gertruderogers@landoverbaptist.net. Thank you.
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demoncrat demoncrat is offline
Deranged lieberal who hates Jesus
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
 
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demoncrat is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.demoncrat is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.demoncrat is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-30-2006, 05:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers View Post
Not only is housework perfectly adequate exercise, Brother, it is also jolly good for the health of one's hooters; keeping True Christian™ bosoms fit and disease-free, so that they may better milk True Christian™ babies.

Housework is God's gift to women, and a sign that He does indeed love us, despite our being the weaker sex.
Breastfeeding is a gateway sin!
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Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
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Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-30-2006, 05:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat View Post
Breastfeeding is a gateway sin!
Indeed it is!

It causes homerism.

Good call heathen!

SCORE YET ANOTHER POINT for JESUS!

Oh Hallejulah, we are making headway with this foul sinner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JESUS always WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!




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Mrs. Rogers Mrs. Rogers is offline
compassion personified
True Christian™

True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Lady True Christian Beauty Saved 1 Year Silver Tither Long service medal, 2nd class Saved 5 Years True Christian Homemaker Mission to Australia Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound Punched the most queers Protected by JESUS TC Bravery The Lord’s Witness Wound Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot True Heterosexual™ One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Born again virgin Pro-Life True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Prayer Warrior

 
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Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Baptists and health - 12-30-2006, 05:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat View Post
Breastfeeding is a gateway sin!
Indeed it is, which is why True Christian™ mothers express their milk using a Communal Milking Machine© - under the strict supervision of Landover Pastors. This marvel of modern technology can milk up to four mothers at a time; however, if one is in a hurry to get back to her housework, she can opt to have both bosoms milked at once ... however, the CMM is no lezbionic picnic, having been designed not for the mother's comfort, but for the purpose of quickly and somewhat brutally extracting milk - thereby quashing any disgusting pleasure one would receive from the process.



True Christians are Perfect!

Signs that you belong to a FALSE Christian Church.

Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.

For True Christians™ only: please send me Project Habakkuk updates at gertruderogers@landoverbaptist.net. Thank you.
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