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Deranged lieberal who hates Jesus
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 79
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Baptists and health -
12-27-2006, 07:56 AM
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health; and exercise?
Are these just distractions from the Holy Bible™?
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compassion personified
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,721
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New Zealand
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-27-2006, 11:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health; and exercise?
Are these just distractions from the Holy Bible™?
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Exercise is most certainly a distraction, if one allows it to rule one's life; Christian ladies find all the physical jerks they need whilst doing the housework - prancing around the gym is the domain of lycra-clad harlots and homers and harlots who entertain fantasies regarding turning such homers into "buff" heterosexuals.
1 Timothy 4:8 -- For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come
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Ring-kissing Papist dog
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Posts: 3,358
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Vatican City...where we keep the good stuff!
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-27-2006, 04:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers
Exercise is most certainly a distraction, if one allows it to rule one's life; Christian ladies find all the jerks they need...
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Not surprised given the circumferential disposition of your congregation. I found this picture in the Landover personals...the ad said something about cat lover and mother looking for man with pick-up truck and powered tailgate.
Bless you, my impending stomach stapling recipient.
Father Mo
A Cardinal in the making.
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Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-27-2006, 05:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health; and exercise?
Are these just distractions from the Holy Bible™?
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I don't understand a word you're saying. Are you asking for my recipe for Baptist Bacon Wrapped Pork Loaf? I must appologize, but that recipe is only trusted to the most saved among our congregation.
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,215
Join Date: Jan 1970
Location: God's Own America
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-27-2006, 05:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health; and exercise?
Are these just distractions from the Holy Bible™?
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I won't even pretend to understand most of your question. However, exercise is certainly in the Bible(KJV1611).
I prefer to think that The Lord made me perfect enough in Mind Body and Sould not to have to be concerned about such things.
Psalm 131:1
Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor mine eyes lofty: neither do I exercise myself in great matters, or in things too high for me.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Christ's Love Messenger
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,978
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: A road of rocks and glass
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-28-2006, 12:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health;
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Whatever disease Jesus chooses to kill you with is none of my business; that's between you and Him.
However, between you and me, some of those afflictions He comes up with are astounding. The eblola virus causing the darkies in africa to bleed from the eyes was my personal favorite. But getting turned into a retard thru alzheimer's not only shows you that Jesus means business; it's pretty damned funny. Our Saviour isn't all serious stuff you know; He's quite a prankster.
Dean
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Christian Poet Emeritus
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,694
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Near to Him
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-28-2006, 12:32 AM
Proud to state that I have no HateDL in me at all.
I'll never die of corny artry dis-ease
because I Love Da Lord!
The poet's secular and holy lifelines
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 282
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Effete Canada
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-28-2006, 01:04 AM
Is exercising a sin now too? For heaven's sake. What if one does it at home and maybe runs outside sometimes. But not in the gyms with the homos!
Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
Thy livery, and long thy quiver born. - Ovid
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Night Hag
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,231
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Enzed
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-28-2006, 02:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health; and exercise?
Are these just distractions from the Holy Bible™?
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I notice you're studiously avoiding all mention of the mental health of Baptists.....could there be a reason for this?
In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
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Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-28-2006, 12:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilith
I notice you're studiously avoiding all mention of the mental health of Baptists.....could there be a reason for this?
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Well, as I see it, there is no way that the landoverians could have mental health issues. Because in order for them to do so, that would require them having a mind in the first place. *snicker*
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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God Squad
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,322
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: rebuking eurotrash commies
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-28-2006, 12:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
I don't understand a word you're saying. Are you asking for my recipe for Baptist Bacon Wrapped Pork Loaf? I must appologize, but that recipe is only trusted to the most saved among our congregation.
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I always liked this for the holidays:
http://search.yumyum.com/recipe.htm?ID=7360
and this for the turkey
http://www.recipesource.com/fgv/stuf...e-turkey1.html
Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-28-2006, 01:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arethusa
Is exercising a sin now too? For heaven's sake. What if one does it at home and maybe runs outside sometimes. But not in the gyms with the homos!
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Excercise isn't a sin, just futile, as long as you stay away from the homer Richard Simmons types. But as the wise and Godly Mrs. Rogers points out, the pentathlon of cooking, washing up, ironing, sewing and floor-scrubbing should give you all the excercise you need.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,555
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-28-2006, 04:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat
What are Baptists' feelings on LDL and HDL; Coronary Artery Disease; Heart health; and exercise?
Are these just distractions from the Holy Bible™?
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Friend,
Six months ago my doctor told me my blood pressure was 210 over 120. He told me he was amazed I was still alive and demanded I go on a crash diet. I saw Satan standing there behind Dr Raghead, wispering lies into his Hindoo head * I told him to keep his filthy pills to himself and I turned to Jesus for help. Friend, I am still here amoung you a healthy, big boned Christian.
Now, does that ansewer your question friend?
* Why are all the doctors Indian?
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-28-2006, 06:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by eliot mayfield
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Those recipes look so delicious and healthy, Brother Mayfield. I'll be sure to give those to the nurses at the Baptist Heart Center in Iowa Falls.
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Deranged lieberal who hates Jesus
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 79
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-29-2006, 06:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe
Friend,
Six months ago my doctor told me my blood pressure was 210 over 120. He told me he was amazed I was still alive and demanded I go on a crash diet. I saw Satan standing there behind Dr Raghead, wispering lies into his Hindoo head * I told him to keep his filthy pills to himself and I turned to Jesus for help. Friend, I am still here amoung you a healthy, big boned Christian.
Now, does that ansewer your question friend?
* Why are all the doctors Indian?
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Maybe you should cut down on the salt and stop getting angry over unsaved trash such as myself?
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-29-2006, 02:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat
Maybe you should cut down on the salt and stop getting angry over unsaved trash such as myself?
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And maybe you should cut down on the sauciness and stop being the kind of unsaved trash that makes Bobby Joe - and OUR LORD - so angry?
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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compassion personified
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,721
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New Zealand
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-30-2006, 03:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance
Excercise isn't a sin, just futile, as long as you stay away from the homer Richard Simmons types. But as the wise and Godly Mrs. Rogers points out, the pentathlon of cooking, washing up, ironing, sewing and floor-scrubbing should give you all the excercise you need.
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Not only is housework perfectly adequate exercise, Brother, it is also jolly good for the health of one's hooters; keeping True Christian™ bosoms fit and disease-free, so that they may better milk True Christian™ babies.
Housework is God's gift to women, and a sign that He does indeed love us, despite our being the weaker sex.
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Deranged lieberal who hates Jesus
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 79
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-30-2006, 05:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers
Not only is housework perfectly adequate exercise, Brother, it is also jolly good for the health of one's hooters; keeping True Christian™ bosoms fit and disease-free, so that they may better milk True Christian™ babies.
Housework is God's gift to women, and a sign that He does indeed love us, despite our being the weaker sex.
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Breastfeeding is a gateway sin!
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-30-2006, 05:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat
Breastfeeding is a gateway sin!
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Indeed it is!
It causes homerism.
Good call heathen!
SCORE YET ANOTHER POINT for JESUS!
Oh Hallejulah, we are making headway with this foul sinner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JESUS always WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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compassion personified
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,721
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New Zealand
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Re: Baptists and health -
12-30-2006, 05:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by demoncrat
Breastfeeding is a gateway sin!
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Indeed it is, which is why True Christian™ mothers express their milk using a Communal Milking Machine© - under the strict supervision of Landover Pastors. This marvel of modern technology can milk up to four mothers at a time; however, if one is in a hurry to get back to her housework, she can opt to have both bosoms milked at once ... however, the CMM is no lezbionic picnic, having been designed not for the mother's comfort, but for the purpose of quickly and somewhat brutally extracting milk - thereby quashing any disgusting pleasure one would receive from the process.
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