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Apostle of the North
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What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-26-2006, 09:17 PM
Brethren & Sistren
The coming of the Lord draweth nigh (James 5:8), which made me wonder what it's going to look like - and what He will wear.
The Bible tells us (Acts 1:11) that He "shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven", which means that He will appear in white flowing robes - perfect for hiding two swords (Luke 22:36-38) - or maybe He'll upgrade to a Glock?
The Bible also tells us Jesus will appear "clothed with a vesture dipped in blood" (Revelation 19:13). One would think the blood and gore would become a bit sticky after a few days and that He would like to change. But then the Bible also tells us that the Lord changeth not.
Maybe our annointed leader, Bush, will lend Him one of his $14.000 Oxxford suits? Will The King of Kings dress like a president? Or like a Soldier? Or General? Let me hear what you think.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-26-2006, 09:26 PM
I voted "White Flowy Robe".
Why, here he is fresh out of the tomb and his Robe is still crisp and white!
GLORY!!!!!!!!!
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Christian Poet Emeritus
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-26-2006, 09:53 PM
This is so tough a choice.
I wish there were an option for "wearing the skin of the saved".
Begging to not to be rebuked for disagreeing with the Bible,
(for I do not; I like mysterious ways),
I see Jesus returning in the nude--His skin all a patch of nail-sized
bits of white, yellow, brown, blackend epidermis;
a Jesus of Grafts, as it were, of every mortal he ever skived saved.
In this wishful apparition I see
the Equinanimous I so wish to meet,
to contribute hide my bits to from.
Just in case, though, I vote "white robes", improbable as they seem.
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Apostle of the North
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-26-2006, 10:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
I voted "White Flowy Robe".
Why, here he is fresh out of the tomb and his Robe is still crisp and white!
GLORY!!!!!!!!!
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I hate to tell you this, Sister, but that picture is a fake. The Bible tells us that Jesus left his linen clothes in the grave:
Luke 24:12 Then arose Peter, and ran unto the sepulchre; and stooping down, he beheld the linen clothes laid by themselves, and departed, wondering in himself at that which was come to pass.
John 20:6 Then cometh Simon Peter following him, and went into the sepulchre, and seeth the linen clothes lie,
John 20:7 And the napkin, that was about his head, not lying with the linen clothes, but wrapped together in a place by itself.
Mortal man is not fully equipped to understand the way of Christ and the will of God. But the Bible doesn't lie, and when Our Lord rose from the sepulchre He was butt naked.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-26-2006, 10:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prune Danish
I hate to tell you this, Sister, but that picture is a fake. The Bible tells us that Jesus left his linen clothes in the grave:
Luke 24:12 Then arose Peter, and ran unto the sepulchre; and stooping down, he beheld the linen clothes laid by themselves, and departed, wondering in himself at that which was come to pass.
John 20:6 Then cometh Simon Peter following him, and went into the sepulchre, and seeth the linen clothes lie,
John 20:7 And the napkin, that was about his head, not lying with the linen clothes, but wrapped together in a place by itself.
Mortal man is not fully equipped to understand the way of Christ and the will of God. But the Bible doesn't lie, and when Our Lord rose from the sepulchre He was butt naked.
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Oh MY Brother Danish!
Thank you for pointing that out. I had no idea!
As you know I was home schooled (as all True Christians™ should be) and I'm sure my GODLY Momma did not want my innocent, young mind tarnished by the thought of a naked JESUS.
With Love and appreciation, Sister Thumper
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Christian Poet Emeritus
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-26-2006, 10:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prune Danish
... the Bible doesn't lie, and when Our Lord rose from the sepulchre He was butt naked.
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.................................................. .................................................. .....
My dream of Jesus, all in grafts, has haunted this Peter for years.
So--the dream is nearly real; I am
blessed with Partial Sight of Him.
I have been touched.
The question is, but then,
which color of skin will
His Will be mostly in?
WHITE!!!!
Last edited by Poetic Peter; 12-26-2006 at 10:45 PM.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-26-2006, 11:23 PM
My GOD, Brother Danish, what Torture to choose only one! (I finally, finally, after almost wearing a bald spot into my head, chose "Vesture dipped in blood.")
Beginning this very moment, I am going to begin Praying we get six separate Comings of the Christ so I can see Him in all of them!!!
OH, how I was the Landover Fashion Police were still here to advise on these matters!
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True Christian™ Theologian
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-26-2006, 11:54 PM
I believe he will have white flowing robes.. which are dipped in blood.
Praise Jesus!
Maybe you could add such an option?
If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Night Hag
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-27-2006, 02:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prune Danish
I hate to tell you this, Sister, but that picture is a fake. The Bible tells us that Jesus left his linen clothes in the grave:
Luke 24:12 Then arose Peter, and ran unto the sepulchre; and stooping down, he beheld the linen clothes laid by themselves, and departed, wondering in himself at that which was come to pass.
John 20:6 Then cometh Simon Peter following him, and went into the sepulchre, and seeth the linen clothes lie,
John 20:7 And the napkin, that was about his head, not lying with the linen clothes, but wrapped together in a place by itself.
Mortal man is not fully equipped to understand the way of Christ and the will of God. But the Bible doesn't lie, and when Our Lord rose from the sepulchre He was butt naked.
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Oh wonderful! Not only do we have to contend with bible bangers everywhere,now their sna...um...saviour's apparently going to turn up in his birthday suit!
Something else to look forward to.
In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-27-2006, 02:34 AM
Oh my GOD, Lilith, what if He turns up in that great big beautiful Golden shell like Mother Glynndie posted?!
However, His Baby Blues waving around at the end of eye-stalks is something I'd rather not consider Right now.....
(Don't tell those Holy Joes I even said this, okay? They're starting to give me funny looks as it is)
Last edited by SUV; 12-27-2006 at 04:39 PM.
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compassion personified
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-27-2006, 02:53 AM
I voted for His wearing blood-drenched robes too - which, I imagine, He will slowly remove, standing before us naked ... clothed only in His Holy Wounds, oozing His eternal love for True Christians™. Perhaps then He will cast the bloody robes into Hell, where Lilith and Hellsinker await; having never bothered with anything as domestic as a washing machine during their earthly reign of terror, they will spend eternity trying to scrub Our Saviour's precious blood out of the cloth ... crying and wailing and gnashing their teeth, and gashing their knuckles on Hell's washboard ... which is, one assumes, made entirely of barbed wire; a marvel of Satan's evil technology.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-27-2006, 03:59 AM
I have to go with the ten-gallon hat. Jesus loves America best of all. I'm sure he'll want to relect that preference by appearing before us as a cowboy ready to shoot some filthy savages like John Wayne.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-27-2006, 05:05 AM
I went with the blood. If the jesus of the bible had existed, it's what he would have preferred.
But I notice there was one option missing. What happened to 'a shell'? Don't snails wear shells? Didn't SUV and Lilith work out that he was snail? Since when do snails wear robes or cowboy boots?
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-27-2006, 07:22 AM
This is about to cause a doctrinal problem. If JESUS is alive, in the sense we understand it, He must be on earth being alive like we are alive. Otherwise He has not yet returned to a human form and so is not 'alive' in human terms. Sadly, those of little faith make this and other similar silly arguments and claim that JESUS isn't coming back because he is dead and that's the end of the story.
What they don't realize is that JESUS is going to return for the sole purpose of killing those faithless unbelievers.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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On Extended Furlough
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-27-2006, 07:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
I went with the blood. If the jesus of the bible had existed, it's what he would have preferred.
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Now, now. That's just the Jesus of Paul's part of the Bible, the overwrought massacrer of Unsaved (like you . . .).
The Jesus of the whole New Testament would have to wear white flowing robes covered only HALF in blood, to demonstrate His sweet, accepting, and loving nature, the fellow who spent his time with prostitutes, heathens, and other outcasts on the one hand, and His unquenchable lust for the blood of the Unsaved on the other. You know, like one of those half-and-half costumes:
Quote:
But I notice there was one option missing. What happened to 'a shell'? Don't snails wear shells? Didn't SUV and Lilith work out that he was snail? Since when do snails wear robes or cowboy boots?
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Silly Van Heathen. In God, all things are possible. Even snails wearing robes or cowboy boots . . . HEY! Baby Jesus is NOT a SNAIL!
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Ring-kissing Papist dog
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-27-2006, 04:28 PM
Tsk, tsk.
When Jesus returns he will wear the same outfit as his representative(s) here on earth...DUH!!!!!
Bless you, my fashion challenged bipeds
Father Mo
A Cardinal in the making.
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-27-2006, 04:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester
Tsk, tsk.
When Jesus returns he will wear the same outfit as his representative(s) here on earth...DUH!!!!!
Bless you, my fashion challenged bipeds
Father Mo
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Catholics are not his representatives. They think coming first actually matters. And even if Christ wanted them to become his church, they already wasted their chance. At this moment all God's hopes are in Landover baptist church. He might choose another church...so far he hasn't.
I think it's pointless to ask what will he wear. Why don't we just let him surprise us.
The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.
Exodus 15:3
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-27-2006, 04:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester
When Jesus returns he will wear the same outfit as his representative(s) here on earth...DUH!!!!!
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Now you just hush your stuff, Daddy Mole! If He returns wearing the same dress-Robe that you do, you are both going to 'Cut One Another Dead' - if not actively 'Bitch' each other! - distracting everyone from the GLOWry of the occasion!
(Would it be Sin to select a New Garment for Jesus each time I return to this thread? Being a Christian can be difficult!)
Last edited by SUV; 12-27-2006 at 07:13 PM.
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Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-28-2006, 12:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I have to go with the ten-gallon hat. Jesus loves America best of all. I'm sure he'll want to relect that preference by appearing before us as a cowboy ready to shoot some filthy savages like John Wayne.
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I agree with The Pastor.
Even our Godly President George Bush (Peace be on him) enjoys dressing like Jesus®. His stetson is his Helmet of Salvation©
Isaiah 59:17-18
For he put on righteousness as a breastplate, and an helmet of salvation upon his head; and he put on the garments of vengeance for clothing, and was clad with zeal as a cloak.
According to their deeds, accordingly he will repay, fury to his adversaries, recompence to his enemies; to the islands he will repay recompence.
Praise©
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Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Christ's Love Messenger
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Re: What Will Jesus Wear? -
12-28-2006, 12:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poetic Peter
This is so tough a choice.
I see Jesus returning in the nude--His skin all a patch of nail-sized
bits of white, yellow, brown, blackend epidermis;
a Jesus of Grafts, as it were, of every mortal he ever skived saved.
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That's a very touching sentiment Brother Poet. So, in your vision, Jesus is like a giant quilt of the saved? That's extremely comforting.
Dean
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