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Default Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-08-2007, 06:41 PM

A big "Howdy" from Wacko, Texas. Today is Monday, and I'm almost glad, because I had a very busy weekend. Aside from church attendance, me and my friends in Operation Rescue held a tent revival over the weekend at the Wacko County Fairgrounds. It was hard work but I think it went well - a lot of curious people just came to see us play with rattlesnakes, but we managed to convert quite a few of them despite their initial skepticism (you'd be amazed how many people will accept Jesus when you hold them down and place a rattlesnake just 6 inches from their face).

Well, like I said, today is Monday, so of course I had to go to work. Got up at 7 am this morning, grabbed my bullhorn and headed down to the Wacko Abortion Clinic expecting to spend a full day blasting harlots with inspirational messages and slitting tires in the parking lot. However, to my surprise, the clinic wasn't open, and a sign on the door indicated that they were closed for Columbus Day.

Now that kind of surprised me, because I thought that Columbus Day was October 12. But then you know, I've been in the Happydale Asylum for several years, and thorazine kind of affects my memory. So I asked around, and found out that Columbus Day used to be October 12, but now it's been moved to the second Monday in October. That upset me a wee bit cause, you know, it's a sacred patriotic holiday.

OK, I know that Christopher Columbus wasn't perfect. I mean, he was a spaghetti bender from Genoa, but he claimed to be a "navigator." Yeah, right - he was trying to sail to India, but the dummy sailed in the wrong direction (west instead of east). Guess he didn't know how to read a compass, but what can you expect from an Italian? Anywho, by shear accident he discovered the United States of America. He also found that there were already Indians there, though this was long before they took over the software and call center business.

So even though he was a dumb wop (and a Catholic too), you do have to give Columbus credit for discovering America. He also brought Jesus and smallpox to the Indians, making the New World safe for democracy. I mean, if it wasn't for Columbus, we'd all be speaking Hindi instead of American. Furthermore, instead of President Bush, our present-day leader would be some wimpy guy who looks like Gandhi, and the US capital city would be called New Bangalore.

So all things considered, Columbus did a lot of good and deserves to be honored, even if he is burning in hell right now for being a Catholic. He kicked Indian terrorist butt, and if he'd had the good fortune to have been born in England rather than Spaghetti-land, he might have even become a Baptist.

But now, here's what upsets me. I've discovered that there's this whole anti-Columbus Day movement. Just take a look at this entry from Wikipedia:


In the summer of 1990, 350 Native Americans, representatives from all over the hemisphere, met in Quito, Ecuador, at the first intercontinental gathering of indigenous people in the Americas, to mobilize against the quincentennial celebration of Columbus Day. The following summer, in Davis, California, over a hundred Native Americans gathered for a follow-up meeting to the Quito conference. They declared October 12th, 1992, International Day of Solidarity with Indigenous People.

The largest ecumenical body in the United States, the National Council of Churches, called on Christians to refrain from celebrating the Columbus quincentennial, saying, "What represented newness of freedom, hope, and opportunity for some was the occasion for oppression, degradation and genocide for others."


Once again, it's those leftist liberals - probably being led by the Clintons - who are attacking a great American holiday. The next thing you know, they'll be telling us not to celebrate Thanksgiving because it's genocide against turkeys.

Are we going to stand for this?


yours in Christ,
Brother Buford



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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-08-2007, 07:51 PM

Brother, I very nearly posted on this very same subject, except for to Praise Leif Erikson for at least not being a catlick!

I'm glad you got here first to show me the error of my ways. I'll be good now
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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-11-2007, 04:44 AM

Columbus Day falls on Canadian Thanksgiving, too. I'm not sure if that was the reason for the move, though.
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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-11-2007, 04:49 AM

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Originally Posted by SinisterPizza View Post
Columbus Day falls on Canadian Thanksgiving, too. I'm not sure if that was the reason for the move, though.
What is a Canadian Thanksgiving? The Plymouth Colony was in the United States.



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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-11-2007, 05:29 AM

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Originally Posted by SinisterPizza View Post
Columbus Day falls on Canadian Thanksgiving, too. I'm not sure if that was the reason for the move, though.
Canadians aren't sure of anything, as the so-called "national holiday" is not celebrated in New Brunswick, Newfoundland, Nova Scotia or Prince Edward Island. It is based on the exploits of an English imbecile named Martin Frobisher (who carted 1,550 tons of worthless ore that he thought was gold back to England). The only thing good that can be said about him is that he pirated French ships.


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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-11-2007, 06:20 AM

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Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan View Post
The only thing good that can be said about him is that he pirated French ships.
At least he probably dined well on Freedom Fries.

regards,
Buford


yours in Christ,
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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-11-2007, 07:08 AM

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Originally Posted by Youth Pastor Marty View Post
What is a Canadian Thanksgiving? The Plymouth Colony was in the United States.
Honestly? Most of us haven't got a clue why we celebrate it...we just like having family, turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. Stores and schools up here do decorate with Pilgrims and Indians and all...which doesn't really make sense, since the Original Thanksgiving was in the US...

Perhaps it's just because we like America so much .
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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-14-2007, 04:36 PM

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Originally Posted by Youth Pastor Marty View Post
What is a Canadian Thanksgiving?
I'm baffled as well. What on earth do Canadians have to be thankful for?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-14-2007, 04:38 PM

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Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
I'm baffled as well. What on earth do Canadians have to be thankful for?
Silliest question I ever heard! They have GWBush to be thankful for, just like the rest of the world! What ARE you thinking?


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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-14-2007, 09:45 PM

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Silliest question I ever heard! They have GWBush to be thankful for, just like the rest of the world! What ARE you thinking?
Or thankful that we aren't ruled by GWBush (yet)
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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-14-2007, 11:56 PM

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Originally Posted by SinisterPizza View Post
Or thankful that we aren't ruled by GWBush (yet)
Once we finish cleaning house in Iraquistan, our next "project" will be the Americanification of Cannuckistan. And you WILL thank GWB for THAT, trust me, witch.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-15-2007, 12:42 AM

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Or thankful that we aren't ruled by GWBush (yet)
Don't worry, you will be. We know about the oil sands in Alberta, and wherever there's oil, there's terrorists. Fortunately, our Godly president has already made plans to liberate you.

Praying for your nation's salvation,
Buford


yours in Christ,
Brother Buford



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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-15-2007, 01:01 AM

The Canadians have been copying Americans for years now and I think we're all getting tired of it. I went to Canada (unfortunately) one time and it was eerily similar to America with only minor differences, for instance: instead of Comedy Central they had The Comedy Network, instead of American Idol they had Canadian Idol and instead of speaking English they spoke some strange tongue that I couldn't quite decipher-- although, using my limited knowledge of Spanish, I discovered that the Canadian word "Eh", like "El", means "the".
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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-15-2007, 01:23 AM

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Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
I'm baffled as well. What on earth do Canadians have to be thankful for?
I'm with Brother T on this one. And........GOD help me if I hear one more canuk say "eh" or "aboot"!



It makes me want to beat them half to death with my Bible!

Why oh WHY can't they say it like American's do?

WHY!?!




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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-15-2007, 01:25 AM

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Originally Posted by Buford T Scoggins View Post
Don't worry, you will be. We know about the oil sands in Alberta, and wherever there's oil, there's terrorists. Fortunately, our Godly president has already made plans to liberate you.

Praying for your nation's salvation,
Buford
You're free to take Alberta...it'll just mean less Jaydee Bixby-esq people on Canadian Idol .Enjoy toxic Little Fish Lake, snow in May, and mosquitoes!
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Default Re: Pagans attacking Columbus Day - 10-15-2007, 03:50 AM

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Originally Posted by SinisterPizza View Post
You're free to take Alberta...it'll just mean less Jaydee Bixby-esq people on Canadian Idol .Enjoy toxic Little Fish Lake, snow in May, and mosquitoes!
The problem is that we don't particularly want Alberta or any other of the homer Canuckistani provinces. Canada is the North American Somalia and we try to ignore it as much as possible.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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