Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed! |
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 272
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Less than 5 hours from Freehold whenever needed!
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
02-19-2010, 05:45 AM
After years of his wife's begging, Mike finally agrees to take his wife golfing with him. The third hole is a par 5 with a dogleg fairway that hooks to the left and has a small caretaker's shed off to the right, just before the bend. Mike slices the piss out of his tee shot and finds his ball lying in the rough with the shed directly between his ball and the green. His wife says, "Mike, I've got a great idea! If I hold the shed door open for you, you'll have a clear shot at the green right through the shed!" Mike decides it's worth a shot, grabs a 1-iron, stands a little forward of the ball, but slices it again. The ball hits the door jamb inside the shed, ricochets and hits his wife in the head, killing her instantly.
About a month later, Mike is on the same course with his buddies and, sure enough, he slices it on the third fairway and finds himself in a familiar situation. His friend says, "Mike, I've got a great idea! If I hold the shed door open for you, you'll have a clear shot at the green right through the shed!" As he's grabbing his 9-iron, Mike replies instantly, "Oh no! Last time I tried that I took a double bogey!"
MIKE HUCKABEE/RAND PAUL - 2012 (or sooner if possible)
|
|
Descended from Rapes
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 1,548
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold Bible Campground and RV Park.
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
02-20-2010, 12:27 AM
Since this is a men only forum just this once I'll work blue.
How long does it take a woman to orgasm?
Who the Hell cares!
Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
|
|
The Godliest Man in Godless Canuckistan
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 4,391
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: America's Frozen Attic
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
02-20-2010, 03:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul Jeffery
After years of his wife's begging, Mike finally agrees to take his wife golfing with him. The third hole is a par 5 with a dogleg fairway that hooks to the left and has a small caretaker's shed off to the right, just before the bend. Mike slices the piss out of his tee shot and finds his ball lying in the rough with the shed directly between his ball and the green. His wife says, "Mike, I've got a great idea! If I hold the shed door open for you, you'll have a clear shot at the green right through the shed!" Mike decides it's worth a shot, grabs a 1-iron, stands a little forward of the ball, but slices it again. The ball hits the door jamb inside the shed, ricochets and hits his wife in the head, killing her instantly.
About a month later, Mike is on the same course with his buddies and, sure enough, he slices it on the third fairway and finds himself in a familiar situation. His friend says, "Mike, I've got a great idea! If I hold the shed door open for you, you'll have a clear shot at the green right through the shed!" As he's grabbing his 9-iron, Mike replies instantly, "Oh no! Last time I tried that I took a double bogey!"
|
Lol.
And in the same vein...
Gerald and Spencer are on the 14th hole when Gerald sees a funeral procession passing by in the distance. Gerald stops and places his hat over his heart until the procession passes by. Spencer, impressed, pats his friend on the shoulder saying he didn't know he was so sentimental.
"I'm not, usually," Gerald said. "but, after all, we were married for 42 years."
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 2
Join Date: Feb 2010
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
02-25-2010, 04:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Care to back that up with Scripture, boy?
And who asked for your unsaved opinion anyway?
|
He does not have to back that up with script. It is the rightful truth. Do YOU care to back up the fact that they arn't equal with script? And I don't mean bullshit script that could mean what you want if you really thought about it in a different way... script that you dirty, racist, sexist, abusive, power hungry christians use to change peoples minds so that you can be in "power".
I WANT EVERY HARCORE CRISTIAN TO WATCH THE FOLLOWING MOVIE "The Invention Of Lying". It shows what very well may have happened many many years ago. You have NO evidence that everything or anything in the bible is true. I wont lie... I am not religeous but I do agree with SOME of the stuff in the bible (That people should not lie etc.). Be reasonable here... I refuse to follow a religion because there is no evidence that any of it is real. If one of the many religions are real (for sure). Then by all means I would be that religion. But for now there is no evidence that there is a god and there is no evidence that any religion is real.
P.S. If you ban my account or I.P adress it just goes to show that you are scared that people might stop beleaving some of the fake stuff you people say... Scared that you may lose some of you power.
Suck dick! Pussy beaters! <---Power hungry christians
Think about it.
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 2
Join Date: Feb 2010
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
02-25-2010, 04:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hi Shane
He does not have to back that up with script. It is the rightful truth. Do YOU care to back up the fact that they arn't equal with script? And I don't mean bullshit script that could mean what you want if you really thought about it in a different way... script that you dirty, racist, sexist, abusive, power hungry christians use to change peoples minds so that you can be in "power".
I WANT EVERY HARCORE CRISTIAN TO WATCH THE FOLLOWING MOVIE "The Invention Of Lying". It shows what very well may have happened many many years ago. You have NO evidence that everything or anything in the bible is true. I wont lie... I am not religeous but I do agree with SOME of the stuff in the bible (That people should not lie etc.). Be reasonable here... I refuse to follow a religion because there is no evidence that any of it is real. If one of the many religions are real (for sure). Then by all means I would be that religion. But for now there is no evidence that there is a god and there is no evidence that any religion is real.
P.S. If you ban my account or I.P adress it just goes to show that you are scared that people might stop beleaving some of the genuine stuff you people say... Scared that you may lose some of you power.
Suck dick! Pussy beaters! <---Power hungry christians
Think about it.
|
DO NOT CHANGE MY POST! I DID NOT SAY "SOME OF THE GENUINE STUFF YOU PEOPLE SAY" I DID NOT ADD THE GENUINE PART!
|
|
Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
|
|
Posts: 14,178
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
02-25-2010, 04:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hi Shane
He does not have to back that up with script. It is the rightful truth. Do YOU care to back up the fact that they arn't equal with script? And I don't mean *edited* script that could mean what you want if you really thought about it in a different way... script that you dirty, racist, sexist, abusive, power hungry christians use to change peoples minds so that you can be in "power".
I WANT EVERY HARCORE CRISTIAN TO WATCH THE FOLLOWING MOVIE "The Invention Of Lying". It shows what very well may have happened many many years ago. You have NO evidence that everything or anything in the bible is true. I wont lie... I am not religeous but I do agree with SOME of the stuff in the bible (That people should not lie etc.). Be reasonable here... I refuse to follow a religion because there is no evidence that any of it is real. If one of the many religions are real (for sure). Then by all means I would be that religion. But for now there is no evidence that there is a god and there is no evidence that any religion is real.
P.S. If you ban my account or I.P adress it just goes to show that you are scared that people might stop beleaving some of the genuine stuff you people say... Scared that you may lose some of you power.
|
That's hilarious! Sometimes you unsaved trash crack me up with your humorous stories!
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
|
Unsaved trash
|
|
Posts: 5
Join Date: Feb 2010
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
02-25-2010, 05:30 AM
what's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
A fist
|
|
Unsaved trash, Godmocking foreigner
|
|
Posts: 27
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Godless UK
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
03-06-2010, 01:29 AM
A middle aged couple are approaching their wedding anniversary, the wife has just finished putting him to rights over a cup of tea with her friends, about how he never remembers their anniversary and has never bought her a gift in his life, when he comes walking through the front door carrying a big, gift wrapped box with a big ribbon and bow.
"Wow" the wife says shocked... "Whats up with you?"
"Its our anniversary darling" the husband jovially states "Aren't you going to open it?"
The wife, hesitantly, pulls the ribbon and lifts the lid off the box, has a look in and her face turns to thunder... "What the hell is that?" she demands.
"Clearly, it is a frog" the husband remarks sarcastically, "In fact, it is a very rare Venezuelan cock-sucking tree frog"
"What the hell am i going to do with a Venezuelan cock-sucking tree frog?" the wife enquires.
"Teach it to cook and piffle off" came the reply!
|
|
Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
|
|
Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
03-06-2010, 01:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by True Sinner
... some fantasy about sex with a frog ...
|
Did anyone ever tell you that you are not funny? Did you think they where joking? They were not!
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
|
|
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
03-08-2010, 10:49 PM
Leave it to Godless Venezuelans to come up with sexual relations with amphibians.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 272
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Less than 5 hours from Freehold whenever needed!
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
07-15-2010, 06:11 AM
All the discussion of the "erection in church" problem reminds me of a joke!
Q: What is ten inches long, has a circumference of nearly four inches, and is white?
A: Nothing
MIKE HUCKABEE/RAND PAUL - 2012 (or sooner if possible)
|
|
Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
|
|
Posts: 14,178
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
07-15-2010, 08:49 AM
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt!
How do they know Princess Diana used Head & Shoulders?
They found hers on the dashboard!
Why don't women need to drive?
Because there isn't a road between the stove and my phallus.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 27
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: on my knees for Jesus and Pastor Zeke
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
07-15-2010, 09:03 PM
A man comes busting into his house waving a piece of paper in the air. "Honey, go in there and start packing. I just won the lottery!!!" "Oh my, what do I pack for? Should I pack for the winter, are we going to Aspen? Or are we going to Jamaca, should I pack for summer?" To which the man replies, "I don't care what you pack for just get out of my house!"
|
|
Friendliest Fellow in all of Freehold
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 950
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing, Freehold, Iowa.
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
07-15-2010, 09:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by godizluv
A man comes busting into his house waving a piece of paper in the air. "Honey, go in there and start packing. I just won the lottery!!!" "Oh my, what do I pack for? Should I pack for the winter, are we going to Aspen? Or are we going to Jamaca, should I pack for summer?" To which the man replies, "I don't care what you pack for just get out of my house!"
|
Were the couple married? Divorce is a sin, not something to be joked about.
6 A woman came up to me the other day, 12/6/2016 and said:
"But Mr. Winner, if GOD loves everyone then why is there so much suffering in the world?"
Because GOD doesn't love everyone. Too many people have this absurd idea in their heads that GOD is all loving.
If he was all loving, then murderers, thieves and homosexuals would be waiting for you in Heaven.
GOD doesn't open his gate to just anyone. Being a True Christian™ is like a Queue Jump ticket at Disney, we are guaranteed a ride with JESUS.
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 27
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: on my knees for Jesus and Pastor Zeke
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
07-16-2010, 12:39 AM
from the "old pervert gives pedophelia underwear to underage" thread
Quote:
Since Reverend Jim is in the middle of divorce proceedings,
|
Maybe you should mention that to your fellow "christian brother"...Ass Hat!
|
|
Friendliest Fellow in all of Freehold
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 950
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing, Freehold, Iowa.
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
07-16-2010, 12:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by godizluv
from the "old pervert gives pedophelia underwear to underage" thread
Maybe you should mention that to your fellow "christian brother"...Ass Hat!
|
His situation is unique, in that he has been married to his wife for 3 years and she is suspected of ADULTERY.
Matthew 5:32
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
So no, I wont be mentioning it to him. I still cannot believe you made that horrible joke .
6 A woman came up to me the other day, 12/6/2016 and said:
"But Mr. Winner, if GOD loves everyone then why is there so much suffering in the world?"
Because GOD doesn't love everyone. Too many people have this absurd idea in their heads that GOD is all loving.
If he was all loving, then murderers, thieves and homosexuals would be waiting for you in Heaven.
GOD doesn't open his gate to just anyone. Being a True Christian™ is like a Queue Jump ticket at Disney, we are guaranteed a ride with JESUS.
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 218
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Glasscock, TX
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
07-16-2010, 07:35 AM
Q:What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: Mmhpmph
Q: What did one woman say to the other?
A: Who cares
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 84
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: CaliFAGula (bunch of queers around here)
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
07-16-2010, 02:43 PM
Three women were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first woman said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second woman said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third woman said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The women were still arguing when the train hit them.
Deuteronomy 7:26 Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: but thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it is a cursed thing.
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 284
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: New Zealand
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
07-17-2010, 01:11 PM
What did Dodi Al-Fayed say to his bodyguard?
"Would you like to go to Paris with me and Di?"
Joshua 24:15
And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
|
|
Winning Souls in his Winnebago
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 3,893
Join Date: May 2010
Location: travelling the heartland in my Winnebago.
|
|
Re: Manly Jokes -
07-25-2010, 06:47 PM
What do you say to a messicant on a $800 bicycle?
STOP, THIEF!
1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|