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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 08-23-2011, 02:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
Proverbs 17:24

King James Version (KJV)


24Wisdom is before him that hath understanding; but the eyes of a fool are in the ends of the earth.


Dear Billy Bob Jenkins
I mean, I cannot understand because my english is not perfect.
Pls someone write down, or make subtitles.
It would help me a lot.


Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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Billy Bob Jenkins Billy Bob Jenkins is offline
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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 08-23-2011, 03:06 PM

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Originally Posted by Paul the gypsy scum View Post
Dear Billy Bob Jenkins
I mean, I cannot understand because my english is not perfect.
Pls someone write down, or make subtitles.
It would help me a lot.
Oh. How embarrassing. I'm terribly sorry you weren't born in America.

God says you shouldn't lean on your own understanding anyway. Just trust the Lord.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.


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Bible Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-26-2015, 07:32 AM

The Scripture makes it clear what to do if you are tempted and you cannot refrain from your lusts! Simply blind yourself...LITERALLY of course!


Matthew 18:9

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.


Isaiah 12:21 (KJV) -- Prepare slaughter for his children for the iniquity of their fathers

Ezekiel 9:6 (KJV) -- Slay utterly old and young, both maids, and little children, and women
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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-26-2015, 08:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by worshiper29 View Post
The Scripture makes it clear what to do if you are tempted and you cannot refrain from your lusts! Simply blind yourself...LITERALLY of course!


Matthew 18:9

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.
Satan wants us to see and have open eyes, so that we can see our own nakedness, according to Genesis 3:7. How embarrassing! Of course we should remove our eyeballs!

Quote:
Genesis 3:7 King James Version (KJV)

7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.


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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-26-2015, 06:09 PM

I praise God He created women without the ability to masturbate.

Such an undignified, disgusting habit.

Thank you JESUS!


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-26-2015, 09:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
Satan wants us to see and have open eyes, so that we can see our own nakedness, according to Genesis 3:7. How embarrassing! Of course we should remove our eyeballs!
Amen, a holy and perfect analogy!

Id like to see the requesting time for designated eye
and hand removals in a service, so the person's soul is spared from hell fire that feel they cannot control themselves!
They pray over people, why not "cut off" what is unrighteous or allow them to do it in front of the leaders or congregation as a testimony?
Now if this cannot stop, I'm certain both the eye and the right hand should be removed (Matthew 5:30), if it is the right hand and eye that is causing the sinning.
We know they both go hand in hand (no unholy pun intended).

Those that are left handed are NOT exempt, as this Scripture is clear that you "cut off" whatever is causing the sin in the first place:
("...and not that thy whole body be cast into hell"). I thought Id mention that since many like to find those silly little loop holes that don't exist!
This means you ambidextrous people too. Save yourselves now, and cut off both so you don't have a crutch!

Matthew 5:30 (KJV) --

And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.


Isaiah 12:21 (KJV) -- Prepare slaughter for his children for the iniquity of their fathers

Ezekiel 9:6 (KJV) -- Slay utterly old and young, both maids, and little children, and women
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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-27-2015, 01:00 AM

Now that queers are forcing their hateful practices on the rest of us, the rate of masturbations will skyrocket.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-27-2015, 10:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
I praise God He created women without the ability to masturbate.

Such an undignified, disgusting habit.

Thank you JESUS!

Women can't masturbate? Yeah right, ALL of my female friends do it [not that I've seen them do it though]


Rom.1:26-27
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-27-2015, 10:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Now that queers are forcing their hateful practices on the rest of us, the rate of masturbations will skyrocket.


How are they forcing their lifestyles on you? Are they tying you down to a bed and forcing you to have sex with men? Most of my gay friends don't give a d**m about other people's sexuality.


Rom.1:26-27
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-27-2015, 10:54 PM

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Originally Posted by DemonThinker96 View Post
...Yeah right, ALL of my female friends do it [not that I've seen them do it though]
Hey, wow, could you please offer more completely unsubstantiated personal beliefs? I don't think we have enough of those here.

Oh, and don't go offering "proof" or "evidence" of anything you claim. Anyone who disagrees with you is just ignant, obv.


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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-27-2015, 11:34 PM

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Originally Posted by DemonThinker96 View Post
Women can't masturbate? Yeah right, ALL of my female friends do it [not that I've seen them do it though]
My dear Sister was speaking as a True Christian woman of God, having been properly introduced to Jesus, and walking with Him, since birth. She has been spared the knowledge of the filthy, God-hating tramps that "flick the bean" every chance they get. Please do not jeopardize her relationship with Christ by suggesting she violate herself and make our Savior weep.

Personally, the very thought of a young lady masturbating makes me queasy. I can just imagine a girl coming home when the house is empty, furtively looking around to make sure she is alone, locking her bedroom door and disrobing. Splayed out on her bed, "exploring" her God-given body, parting the clam and eventually mounting her bedpost. The repulsive noise and screaming as she takes our Lord's name in vain..

Oh, how Christ must weep.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5: "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication.

That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;

Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:"


Kindly keep this sordid and reprobate filth to yourself.

In Christ


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-27-2015, 11:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DemonThinker96 View Post
Women can't masturbate? Yeah right, ALL of my female friends do it [not that I've seen them do it though]
Your friends are trannies. Women don't have a tool to violate between their legs, dear.

I hope that helps.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-28-2015, 12:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DemonThinker96 View Post
How are they forcing their lifestyles on you? Are they tying you down to a bed and forcing you to have sex with men? Most of my gay friends don't give a d**m about other people's sexuality.
Do you know what the Holy Bible says about having "gay friends?"

Homers (those "without natural affection") and their supporters (those "that have pleasure in them") are "worthy of death." That means you, boy.

Quote:
Romans 1:31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: 1:32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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DemonThinker96 DemonThinker96 is offline
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DemonThinker96 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-28-2015, 03:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Do you know what the Holy Bible says about having "gay friends?"

Homers (those "without natural affection") and their supporters (those "that have pleasure in them") are "worthy of death." That means you, boy.
You didn't answer my question. How are gay people forcing their lifestyle on you? Threaten me with hell all you want, it doesn't scare me.


Rom.1:26-27
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-28-2015, 04:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DemonThinker96 View Post
You didn't answer my question. How are gay people forcing their lifestyle on you? Threaten me with hell all you want, it doesn't scare me.
Whatever God says, goes. Personally I don't have any animosity toward homers. They may be fine upstanding citizens who pay their taxes and sweep their porches. But they commit sodomy and they disgust God to the point where He says that homers are WORTHY OF DEATH. That's right from the Bible, son. And we don't just pick and choose which verses to obey. God commands that we obey EVERY WORD of the Holy Bible to the letter.

So, queers are bad and hellbound because God says so. Ditto witches, atheists, those who follow other gods, and so on. Try reading the Bible instead of masturbating all day long, boy.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Sparkling Sparkling is offline
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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-28-2015, 10:14 PM

It's not even enough for people to get off to regular porn nowadays.

Thanks to the internet people saturate to everything including cartoon ponies humanized animals, and erotic drawings of little girls!

These disgusting people are usually neck bearded 30 year olds who live with their parents and frankly I'm not sure if they can be saved, perhaps it's best just to purge then... ,
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Sparkling Sparkling is offline
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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-28-2015, 10:19 PM

In my previous post I meant masturbate instead of saturate, defeated once again by satanic autocorrect...
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Orem Festus Jr. Orem Festus Jr. is offline
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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-29-2015, 02:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by 999Dev View Post
Does Jesus like to watch?
What the...? I best tell Weezer so as he can draw the blinds!poor fool can't stop cuffin the dummy to save his life,be a mite embarasing if Jesis busted him.


Proverbs 23:8 The morsel which thou hast eaten shalt thou vomit up, and lose thy sweet words.
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WWJDnow WWJDnow is offline
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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 06-30-2015, 06:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DemonThinker96 View Post
You didn't answer my question. How are gay people forcing their lifestyle on you? Threaten me with hell all you want, it doesn't scare me.
The very foundation of our civilization is the union of one man and one woman of the same race in the holy sacrament of matrimony. Once you let people publicly flaunt their disrespect of American traditional family values, they start rejecting all of the other tenets of decency--Christian prayer in school, sexual purity, low taxes for job creators, working for a living instead of asking for a handout, beating disobedient children, women obeying their husbands, parents arranging marriages for their children, keeping Mexicans and other undesirables from taking our jobs, and gun ownership.

When society tells us it is OK to lead a non-traditional lifestyle, the we naturally start to adapt to that. While we True Christians™ manage to avoid the temptations that the Devil places in front of us through the sheer strength of our faith, people who are less dedicated to the Lord start thinking, "maybe I should leave my wife and marry another man, just for variety." And the next thing you know, everyone in America will be a crack-addicted, whore of Babylon, half-black, half-Mexican lesbian welfare Queen who thinks that she has equal rights just because she is a human being. Then, there won't be anyone working, so we won't have enough money to fight the Arabs over there instead of over here, and they'll invade and conquer us to set up their worldwide caliphate. And you know that most of the Arabs go gay when there aren't any camels around.

So, in the end, even True Chritians™ will be forced to have homosexual sex, the trauma from which will ruin our traditional marriages.

This is what is at stake. So WAKE UP people!


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Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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DividingByZero DividingByZero is offline
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Default Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate - 07-01-2015, 02:52 AM

How exactly is "Jesus is watching you masturbate" supposed to be good in any way, shape, or form?
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