I found out some shocking news today! I couldn’t believe it! Liberal judges are trying to let demon women who KILL their righteous Christian husband’s off the hook!
This is due to “battered women’s syndrome”, a fake illness that liberal politicians and judges made up in order to murder honest, hardworking Christian men. (read more about it here
http://library.findlaw.com/1999/Dec/1/130513.html ) Apparently, according to them, women are justified in killing men who beat them, or inflict “psychological trauma” on them, because it is “self-defense”. What is our nation coming to? What ever happened to religious freedom? This is probably a conspiracy by Obama to kill all the Christians, so he can run for president again as an atheist/Muslim. Fortunately, I have some advice that might help increase your safety.
For the wealthy: You might be the most at risk. Selfish women are constantly plotting to take half of your hard earned money. Truly heartbreaking. They are also constantly trying to find ways to gain undeserved sympathy. You should be taking the most precautions.
- Try installing x-ray machines in your house, and make sure she goes through it every time she enters. If airports need it to ensure safety, so do we. Metal detectors are not enough when she can hide bombs and other weapons in her undergarments.
- Install security cameras in your home. Make sure that she is being recorded all the time while in your home. Especially if she says she wants “privacy” while doing things such as going to the bathroom. This is a huge red flag, and it means she is probably using the bathroom as her plotting ground.
- Encrypt, don’t delete your videos. For starters, this is to ensure that she doesn’t gain access to the videos, which she would take out of context to garner undeserved sympathy from liberal authorities. Additionally, most authorities are able to retrieve “deleted” videos and files.
- Take a lesson from our Godly President, George Bush, and use techniques like water boarding to punish your wife, instead of physical beatings. This can be done using a table or other flat board, and it won’t leave any marks which she’ll again, use to gain undeserved sympathy.
If you’re on a budget: So your wife has wrongly taken your hard earned money and spent it on silly unholy items like jewelry that she isn’t even supposed to have in the first place? No problem. Here are some tips for people on a budget:
- Try holding a heavy book on her head, such as a phone book, or the King James Bible. Then hit the book. Her head will still hurt, but it is less likely to leave bruises or other marks that she’ll use to gain underserved sympathy.
- Use handcuffs or other forms of chains to lock your wife in place while you go to sleep, to ensure she doesn’t try to kill you. These can be purchased fairly cheaply. Always make sure you have a spare set of handcuff keys with you, at a place she can’t access. If she complains that she doesn’t feel like she has “freedom”, be warned! This is a red flag that she wants freedom to kill you, and commit other sins!
- It is often times difficult to know for sure whether or not a wife really does follow Christian values. For this reason, you should force her to read the King James Bible often, quiz her on it, and beat her if she gets the answers wrong. Not only will this ensure that she doesn't try to commit an awful act like killing you, but it will also protect her from God's wrath after she dies. Remember, what are a few beatings compared to an eternity of suffering in hell? You’re just showing her tough love. Even though it is difficult to do the right things sometimes, I’m confident all of you will pull through!