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Default Prayers needed for our lost pastor! - 02-05-2012, 06:46 PM
Would you all please say a few words to Jesus next time you pray, for our missing pastor? He has been missing for almost three weeks now and was last seen heading to Florida to buy a couple of jet-skis. Our congregation is afraid that he may have been tempted by Satan yet one more time again and was victim to the father of all lies. You see, the red hoofed beastmaster himself tests our pastor frequently with hookers, prescription meds, alcohol, rubber marital aids and little boys. And like all men of flesh, our pastor strays from grace occasionally.
Ever since the "indident" at our sunday school, our beloved pastor has a restraing order to stay at least two hudred yards from young boys and public restrooms. But in his defense, adolesent girls have never been successful in proving any one of their cases in a court of law. Praise Jesus!
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Default Re: Prayers needed for our lost pastor! - 02-05-2012, 07:01 PM
It seems as if Satan is up to his old tricks, again.

Myself and my dull wife have just returned from the local disused quarry (it took quite some time to get home as she is now limping) but I will go straight to my prayer closet and read Matthew 4:10
"Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve."

Surely, the power of prayer will prevent precipitous pastor persecution.

Praise Jesus!
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Default Re: Prayers needed for our lost pastor! - 02-09-2012, 11:09 PM
What's your pastor's name? Being formerly Jewish, I have a lot of relatives in Florida. I could ask them to keep an eye out for him.

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Default 02-10-2012, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
What's your pastor's name? Being formerly Jewish, I have a lot of relatives in Florida. I could ask them to keep an eye out for him.
I bet they charge you 'through the nose', for their services.



Jesus' hand rest upon me.
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Default Re: Prayers needed for our lost pastor! - 02-10-2012, 03:31 PM
If he's really unlucky, and if he has a decent income, they'll probably try to get him to marry one of their daughters.

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Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Real American™ Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Porn Resistant Pro-Life Christian Love One Year/1000 posts True Republican Ex-Brit Ex-eurotrash Eats the Most Pork Super Soaker Baptism Award Gold Tither True Christian Provider™ award Batman Shooting Survivor True Scientist™ Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Prayer Warrior Divorcee The Lord’s Witness Wound Punched the most queers Paula Deen Negro Support Group Touched by Jesus Babysitter Stamp of Approval Trump of GOD Pancake Dinner Pastor Ezekiel Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Mission to Korea Probing for Jesus ex-sheep-shagger Asked questions later Crown of Incorruptibility GLORY Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden

 
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Default Re: Prayers needed for our lost pastor! - 02-10-2012, 04:39 PM
I've been sick in my mouth.
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Default Re: Prayers needed for our lost pastor! - 02-10-2012, 04:52 PM
It's an especially dangerous situation if a pastor happens to hold a doctorate of divinity degree from a Bible college. Those Jewish mothers see the letters "Dr." in front of a man's name and they'll do anything to get him to marry one of their daughters.

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Default Re: Prayers needed for our lost pastor! - 02-13-2012, 01:06 AM
I will have him in my prayers, only our Father knows where he stands.

Praise our Heavenly Father
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