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Default my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-20-2013, 09:33 PM

Zack, a 5 year old English Mastiff, just peed on my KJV Bible. Now, i wonder how i should put down this evil beast. There is plenty of opportunities:

1. Leave him to the Freehold animal shelter, to face Pastor Zeke's flamethrower
2. Have him stoned to death at the Freehold town square (Hebrews 12:20)
3. Hand him over to Chinatown in Des Moines
4. Give him to Cranky Old Man to use as target practise
5. Using him as shark bait

Brothers and sisters in Christ, please help me making this very difficult decision, the evil beast has to die for peeing on God's book, so the difficult decision is of course not if, but how
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-20-2013, 10:19 PM

It sounds to me like that dog is the smartest member of your household.




Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.

- Ecclesiastes xii.7
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-20-2013, 10:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ex-Viking View Post
Zack, a 5 year old English Mastiff, just peed on my KJV Bible. Now, i wonder how i should put down this evil beast.
Scripture tells us that "a living dog is better than a dead lion," (Ecclesiastes 9:4), but I doubt that you would want a dead lion, either, so I don't see any scriptural reason not to put this sinful creature down--but I can't find any Biblical guidance on how to kill one.

A more import question, Brother, is how did this come to be? I know that the Bible tells us to "preach the Gospel to every creature" (Mark 16:15), but that doesn't mean you should give your dog a Bible:

Give not that which is holy unto the dogs. Matthew 7:6


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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-20-2013, 10:26 PM

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Originally Posted by Dutch Girl View Post
It sounds to me like that dog is the smartest member of your household.
Firstly, I'm surprised that Dutch Girl didn't suggest putting the dog into an oven, which seems to be the Germanic speaking peoples final solution for everything. Secondish, the flame thrower sounds like a fitting end to me.


Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-21-2013, 12:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
Scripture tells us that "a living dog is better than a dead lion," (Ecclesiastes 9:4), but I doubt that you would want a dead lion, either, so I don't see any scriptural reason not to put this sinful creature down--but I can't find any Biblical guidance on how to kill one.

A more import question, Brother, is how did this come to be? I know that the Bible tells us to "preach the Gospel to every creature" (Mark 16:15), but that doesn't mean you should give your dog a Bible:

Give not that which is holy unto the dogs. Matthew 7:6
The little bastard peed on it when i was sleeping, i saw it all afterwards on a surveillance camera, it literally made me vomit. The demon is in his cage now, waiting for the ultimate decision.
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-21-2013, 04:33 AM


Fish bait.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-25-2013, 03:23 PM

I would say giving that filthy little demon to an old man, hopefully another faithful Christian, who can practice on it for when the time of shooting wetbacks comes!
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-25-2013, 06:04 PM

The creature is obviously a demon, or at least is controlled by one, and thus, you must do as Jesus taught us in Matthew 8:30-32. Throw it off of a cliff into deep water with stones attached, and make certain that it has drowned.
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-25-2013, 06:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Barris View Post
The creature is obviously a demon, or at least is controlled by one, and thus, you must do as Jesus taught us in Matthew 8:30-32. Throw it off of a cliff into deep water with stones attached, and make certain that it has drowned.
Hello Andrew Barris.

Matthew 8 does not mention demons. Maybe you have a Dollar Tree Bible I heard they missed some parts.

Thank you.

Rusty


Psalms 116:6 The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-25-2013, 06:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Barris View Post
The creature is obviously a demon, or at least is controlled by one, and thus, you must do as Jesus taught us in Matthew 8:30-32. Throw it off of a cliff into deep water with stones attached, and make certain that it has drowned.
A risk of being a pedant you mean devils. Not demons.

Genius


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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-25-2013, 06:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeFromBrains View Post
At the risk of being a pedant, you meant devils, not demons.

Genius.
Quote:
ped·ant [ped-nt] Show IPA
noun
1. a person who makes an excessive or inappropriate display of learning.
2. a person who overemphasizes rules or minor details.
3. a person who adheres rigidly to book knowledge without regard to common sense.
4. Obsolete . a schoolmaster.

from: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/pedant?qsrc=2446
Yeah, they don't want any of those here.


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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-25-2013, 08:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ex-Viking View Post
Give him to Cranky Old Man to use as target practise
I am glad you went for this option. Shooting that dog one leg at a time turned out to be great fun for the grandkids. Little Timmy even poked out one of his eyes while little Susan was banging on his back with her KJV Bible. The children learned a valuable lesson about respecting God's Holy Bible. My annoying neighbor Mrs. Johnson crying all the time was a nice bonus.


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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-25-2013, 08:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dutch Girl View Post
It sounds to me like that dog is the smartest member of your household.
I thought as soon as I saw the thread title that some maniac such as yourself would be arriving before long where demon possessed mastiffs were available and sure enough it wasn't. Please don't start flirting with Mr Jo Freddie I feel he is quite close to accepting Jesus and the last thing he needs is whatever you have on tap.
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-27-2013, 11:50 AM

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Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
I am glad you went for this option. Shooting that dog one leg at a time turned out to be great fun for the grandkids. Little Timmy even poked out one of his eyes while little Susan was banging on his back with her KJV Bible. The children learned a valuable lesson about respecting God's Holy Bible. My annoying neighbor Mrs. Johnson crying all the time was a nice bonus.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. The video, which will be widely distributed in Freehold next month, will be shown to other dogs, will be shown to other dogs so they know what happens if they dont respect the Bible and God's law, not that i think it will work cause dogs are so stupid, but at least worth a try.

God hates dogs more than any other animal, in Jeremiah 15:3 He even endorses the tearing apart of dogs

Philippians 3:2
Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision.

Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.

Isaiah 56:10
His watchmen are blind: they are all ignorant, they are all dumb dogs, they cannot bark; sleeping, lying down, loving to slumber.

2 Peter 2:22
But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.

Exodus 11:7
But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel.

Jeremiah 15:3
And I will appoint over them four kinds, saith the LORD: the sword to slay, and the dogs to tear, and the fowls of the heaven, and the beasts of the earth, to devour and destroy.

Revelation 22:15
For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Matthew 7:6
Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-28-2013, 02:20 AM

Why was you bible in an area where the dog could reach and pee on it
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 06-28-2013, 02:30 AM

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Originally Posted by Kerryreynolds03 View Post
Why was you bible in an area where the dog could reach and pee on it
Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 04-16-2014, 09:53 PM

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Originally Posted by Ex-Viking View Post
Zack, a 5 year old English Mastiff, just peed on my KJV Bible. Now, i wonder how i should put down this evil beast. There is plenty of opportunities:

1. Leave him to the Freehold animal shelter, to face Pastor Zeke's flamethrower
2. Have him stoned to death at the Freehold town square (Hebrews 12:20)
3. Hand him over to Chinatown in Des Moines
4. Give him to Cranky Old Man to use as target practise
5. Using him as shark bait

Brothers and sisters in Christ, please help me making this very difficult decision, the evil beast has to die for peeing on God's book, so the difficult decision is of course not if, but how
Dogs pee on things. You probobly didn't let him outside before you went to bed. And where was the bible that your dig could reach it to pee on it in the first place?
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 04-19-2014, 01:13 AM

Where in the bible does it say peeing on a bible is a sin? And where does it say that you must put your dog down for doing so?


Rom.1:26-27
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 04-19-2014, 01:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DemonThinker96 View Post
And where does it say that you must put your dog down for doing so?
Why not? We can do whatever we want to animals, God gave us dominion over them. It's not like they have soul or feelings anyway.
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Default Re: my dog peed on my KJV Bible, what should i do??? - 04-19-2014, 02:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurel View Post
Dogs pee on things. You probobly didn't let him outside before you went to bed. And where was the bible that your dig could reach it to pee on it in the first place?
That annoying dog does not pee on anything anylonger after I gave him to Cranky Old Man. If there was a hell for dogs, it would be there now.
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