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Default 09-25-2006, 01:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers View Post
Why, thank you for recognising that indelible FACT, Mrs. Helsing. Now I'm seeing an ad for anti-aging products - what nerve!
I'm seeing ads for that hat again, and ads asking me to donate my car??
Don't fret, Mrs Rogers. I'm sure those anti aging ads would be targeted at a much less Godly woman than yourself

Quote:
But it could be worse; at least I haven't inspired an ad for "funeral advice" ... I do hope Brother Enobarbus has his affairs in order.
Eno has been getting funeral advice ads?
I'm not sure I want to know what ads Brother Temperance is getting



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Default 09-25-2006, 03:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I'm seeing ads for that hat again, and ads asking me to donate my car??
You own a car? I thought you tree-hugging communists only rode bicycles.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default 09-25-2006, 03:58 AM

That's just it though. I DON'T own a car. With gas prices these days, not to mention global warming, who would want to?



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Default Re: Index page? - 09-25-2006, 03:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
That's just it though. I DON'T own a car. With gas prices these days, not to mention global warming, who would want to?
Global Warming is a lie by that demon Al Gore. Really people don't own "cars" they own SUVs or trucks with a maximum gas mileage of 15 miles to the gallon.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Default Re: Index page? - 09-25-2006, 11:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Global Warming is a lie by that demon Al Gore. Really people don't own "cars" they own SUVs or trucks with a maximum gas mileage of 15 miles to the gallon.
So I take it you don't care if the air becomes no longer breathable..?



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Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 12:36 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
So I take it you don't care if the air becomes no longer breathable..?
Not where you live.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 01:31 AM

old I hate to break it to you, Pastor, but such a thing would be worldwide.



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Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 02:11 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
old I hate to break it to you, Pastor, but such a thing would be worldwide.
I hate to break the news to you ONCE AGAIN that I am right and you are wrong, but where I live the air will be just fine. I live within ten miles of the cleanest air on earth. Pure, sweet, unpolluted. It will still be clean here when everyone else is dead from pollution and global warming.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 02:18 AM

Not unless you'll be living in one of those futuristic domed cities they're talking about.

Face it, my dear Pastor Al, if the situation is 'the world is doomed', that does NOT mean 'the world is doomed except for Pastor Al E Pistle'. old



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Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 02:36 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Face it, my dear Pastor Al, if the situation is 'the world is doomed', that does NOT mean 'the world is doomed except for Pastor Al E Pistle'. old
Not at all.....everyone in my remote congregation will survive to serve me until JESUS returns.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 02:40 AM

Even if that were true, it would then mean all the US landover baptists would die, wouldn't it?



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Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 03:02 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Even if that were true, it would then mean all the US landover baptists would die, wouldn't it?
No. We have made plans.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 06:47 AM

What? Make sure that they have a quicker and more merciful end?



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Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 07:24 AM

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What? Make sure that they have a quicker and more merciful end?
No. We rented several thousand acres to the government during the cold war and they graciously built a self-contained underground city including a next-generation nuclear reactor sufficient to power us for a thousand years.

When they were using it, it was a first a Minuteman missile complex and later became the secret location for the President and Congress in the event of an emergency...in fact, it is the 'undisclosed location' where Dick Cheney spends his time practicing his shooting skills.

But when they moved out they gave us almost a hundred million dollars worth of spare parts........enough to keep the air and water inside clean for almost sixty more years.... and a full underground tank with 1.2 MILLION gallons of 120 octave avgas for our hummers, plus a tidy amount of Jet A for the Gulfstream.

We built condos out of the launch pads and connected them through indoor parks and beautiful crystal clear streams and waterfalls, brimming with trout and salmon so it's still a popular spot with our Republican government officials.

We planted corn over the whole complex so no infrared signature gets out. When the End comes, we will sit in air conditioned comfort watching the catlicks and mudslimes kill each other for the last cannister of breathable oxygen before they all die. If anyone is left, JESUS will lead us to Armageddon to turn the rivers red with the blood of the unbelievers.

With no people ruining breathing OUR oxygen and eating OUR food, the earth will repair itself is no time.

Then we will all live for a thousand years and go to heaven just before GOD destroys SATAN.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 09:49 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
No. We rented several thousand acres to the government during the cold war and they graciously built a self-contained underground city including a next-generation nuclear reactor.

When they were using it, it was a Minuteman missile complex, but when they moved out they gave us almost a hundred million dollars worth of spare parts........enough to keep the air and water inside clean for almost forty years.... and a full underground tank with 1.2 MILLION gallons of 120 octave avgas for our hummers, plus a tidy amount of Jet A for the Gulfstream.

We built condos out of the launch pads and connected them through indoor parks and beautiful crystal clear streams and waterfalls, brimming with trout and salmon.

We planted corn over the whole complex so no infrared signature gets out. When the End comes, we will sit in air conditioned comfort watching the catlicks and mudslimes kill each other for the last cannister of breathable oxygen before they all die. If anyone is left, JESUS will lead us to Armageddon to turn the rivers red with the blood of the unbelievers.

With no people ruining breathing OUR oxygen and eating OUR food, the earth will repair itself is no time.

Then we will all live for a thousand years and go to heaven just before GOD destroys SATAN.
Pastor Pistle, I thought this was a secret?????


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 06:07 PM

Some of it is secret, like the fact that we have already reached our capacity, but the general details are available to give fence-sitters a reason to convert to TRUE CHRISTIANITY™.


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 09:00 PM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Some of it is secret, like the fact that we have already reached our capacity, but the general details are available to give fence-sitters a reason to convert to TRUE CHRISTIANITY™.
You would think they would take comfort in the their sacrifice will help a better Christian than them. After all isn’t that what Jesus did when He died temporarily for us True Christians? Heck, we also have piles of bottles of the Cold War era happy pills so it is not like they are going to feel what happens to them when they are pushed out into that toxic cloud that will be coming. Sadly, most converted fence sitters are too selfish to look at that way. They get all whinny, complain a lot and we er they end up killing themselves.

Oh well, many are called but few are worthy.



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Default Re: Index page? - 09-26-2006, 11:28 PM

Remind me not to be stuck on a deserted island with any of you and a limited food supply



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: Index page? - 09-27-2006, 12:09 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Remind me not to be stuck on a deserted island with any of you and a limited food supply
Once again Mrs. Von Gristle, you have fallen into SATAN'S trap and have us confused with the FALSE CHRISTIAN catlickers who are the cannibals of Christ. Catholicks falsely believe that they ACTUALLY EAT JESUS' FLESH AND BLOOD at a demonic ceremony from hell known as the eucharist. But obviously, JESUS doesn't have enough flesh and blood to let every filthy cannibal in the world munch a mouthful every day.

We TRUE CHRISTIANS™ Don't eat Christ Himself. We break bread and drink as JESUS said "in rememberance of me".


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: Index page? - 09-27-2006, 12:17 AM

Like I was saying in another thread, certain parts of the KJV1611 seem to advocate both cannibalism and vampirism. Even Brother V provided quotes supporting this.



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