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The Poetaster's Korner Tasteful poetry for JESUS but don't let the flowers fool you. NO HOMERS ALLOWED!

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Arrow Critical Inputs Forum no.1 - 11-26-2006, 10:44 AM

For poets wanting constructive criticisms, to better themselves
in the eyes of God.


-Please try to critique a poem or three for others
for every one you post of your own
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Default reactions solicited for this unpublished poem - 11-26-2006, 01:27 PM

.


Whimsel

affirms to children the value of good cheer


=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=


Whimsel Brousel, Philosopher—
you've likely never heard of him.
Relatively—figs to Newton,
he was Light
and loved Impossible.

Late one lack of starry night
Whimsel rolled about
in one of his fate's shorter sleeps.

Whimsel's appetite for light
woke up Whimsel gnawing
—jawing him to state aloud
"I'm famished for a snack of light."

So Whimsel Brousel
(wrapped in a towsel)
shumbled to his humble kitchen,
where there stood—
a cupboard

—is it yet clear his story dates
near as old as Mother Hubbard?

In the cupboard Brousel bared:
"Why, not a speck of light's left here."

Whereupon our Whimsel Brousel
laid his towel in the cupboard
and waxed a candle on it there.
"I'll restore my stock of light
by Natural Regenesis."


Hear the children of today
shouting warning,

Beware Whimsel oh oh noooo!


We're so sorry—

Whimsel Brousel cannot hear.
He was deaf you see. Besides,
this was all so long ago,
a cuckoo clock could never count,
nor cuckoo Whimsel ears.

Return there now, now with our Whimsel:
he's glided back to Nodder'Z eezzz.

Thank goodness for inventions—his
nosealarm has just set off:

Ka-choo! Ka-Koff!
rewakes our Whimsel, whooping, whalping:
"Oh my stars! The house! On fire!"

Recall, please, our Whimsel Brousel
lived on loosened light?
This was to be, and how it was,
one very well-fed night.

Not to worry, not a whit
—Whimsel Brousel healed just fine,

and later could be found a'snooze
in our stumped Alder's living-time,
lying on a bed—right here,
of towels, given him by Baptist

children—Whimsel is a well-liked man.

"Joy! ..My new cupboard's never bare.
All the world is in it here above and near
my stars—the days—all lights
delight for me, that I may live for Ever now,
to mind the young, as real as Life,

no-one should be hungered in the Light!"


=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=




Last edited by Poetic Peter; 11-26-2006 at 01:47 PM.
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Default Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1 - 11-27-2006, 11:23 PM

The author reads Whimsel aloud
http://img371.imageshack.us/my.php?i...ound193yd8.swf


__________


In olden times poetry was almost always an oral form of communication.
Most people were illiterate. Bards communicated stories of Biblical and secular interest by their spoken words.


The item above examples a poem tailored for the ear and not just for the eye. Most poety should be recitable. However, most poetry of today is readable, but not so very recitable--not by intent of the authors, but by their ingnoring the fact that the printed word is assimilated by the brain quite differently than the verbal word.

I would encourage all poets to recite their works to themselves as they compose.
By this means more consistent and better poetry will result.

A handy freeware recorder is found here.
http://www.snapfiles.com/get/swiffrec.html
What good is it?
Well, it converts the sound file into .swf (Flash) form. This file-type can be hosted for free at imageshack.us
You can share audio readings with friends, or with this forum, if you'll be that bold.

Boldness pays. You must be forward to be heard. Therefore, please apply poems to this critical thread. You'll get honest Christian reactions.
You don't want mollycoddling here. Nor do I.

For first-instance, if you don't like Whimsel, for whatever reason, it is requested that you say so.

If you, casual reader, don't feel "qualified" to offer an opinion, I hasten to assure you that
your opinion counts, even if the writer might not agree with your thought.

Anyone may apply a poem to the critical panels.
Anyone may apply criticism to these poems; even if just to say "I don't like it." or "It makes no sense." All inputs, short or long, add to the poet's perspective, and help the poetic make better poems.

Thanks,
Peter
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Default Re: reactions solicited for this unpublished poem - 11-28-2006, 12:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poetic Peter View Post
.


Whimsel

affirms to children the value of good cheer
I listened to it on a loop, at least 20 times before I realized how pleasantly relaxed I was feeling. What a wonderful betime story. I'm working on a poem about Queet Vashti, but need a nap now.


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Default Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1 - 11-28-2006, 07:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poetic Peter View Post
I wonder that we have a neo-A.A. Milne here.....but what would such a person be doing at Landover?

We doesn't know, does we, Precious!


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1 - 11-29-2006, 02:03 PM

Thank you both for the very kind words.

Reader-poets, please apply poems here.
That Whimsel is sort-of-done; I've worked over it for months.

Put up fresh poems please, and let's workshop them together in fine style?




Best, Peter
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Default de-punctuated truth - 11-30-2006, 11:17 AM

life is
good death
is nothing
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Default Re: de-punctuated truth - 11-30-2006, 12:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poetic Peter View Post
life is
good death
is nothing
Are you one of those goth boys? I'm not getting this death stuff....


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: reactions solicited for this unpublished poem - 11-30-2006, 01:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
I listened to it on a loop, at least 20 times before I realized how pleasantly relaxed I was feeling. What a wonderful betime story. I'm working on a poem about Queet Vashti, but need a nap now.

Warning! Warning!
This is serious. What is going on here? Sister glenndy using "new age" terms??
Come on people:
Wake up!

Is the word "poetry" in the KJV 161? NO!

I am praying for you all for I fear someone has put some LDS or something in the landover water supply!


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1 - 11-30-2006, 04:07 PM

It wasn't my idea to name the form of distilled language
some pansy word like "poetry".

Facts:
Poetry is not prose.
Poetry as a genre starts with verse-form.

The Bible is not prose. It is all in verse.
(I suppose everyone knows this)
Therefore, the entire Bible is in poetry.
All of man's poetry builds from the Bible's example...
and we all know that God wrote the bible.

result:


God is the poetmaster
of every earnest poetaster



What is the meaning of the word, verse?
The word is from the French (ugh.) They say it, vers
They use it the same way we do: for verse-form poetry.

But what is the literal meaning of vers? Colorful
people, those. It is their word for worms

What poetic verse does, is get ideas into our heads in relatively few words,
causing the ideas to domain there,
devouring any preexisting reason or logic that might've been to the contrary.

In a nutshell, in verse,



----
For Eliot

Worms crawl into peoples' heads
not always only when they're dead


Last edited by Poetic Peter; 11-30-2006 at 04:21 PM.
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Default Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1 - 11-30-2006, 04:30 PM

And that is that. Yes.

Christians who study the Bible,
but who cannot speak or write new thought (inspired by the Bible)
in a form in fair concord with the Bible's fine, poetical style,
cause their very selves to appear suspect on points of grace and veracity.
These Christians infract themselves.


He whose letters read not civil
Minds to others uncouth evil



Here,
I do not quote secular words.
I quote the Bible or I quote myself.

Peter
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Default Re: de-punctuated truth - 12-01-2006, 01:46 AM


de-punctuated truth


life is
good death
is nothing



Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Are you one of those goth boys? I'm not getting this death stuff....
Hello and thank you Pastor Ezekiel. No, I sure am not a goth-liker.

I suppose the unsettling nature of the six words is in the juxtaposition of "good", "nothing", life;
particulary for the starting out, with a "life is good" expectation.

I suppose these are three words most close to our interests.
what's not good, we tend to think of as bad, or as nothing (but why?)
Another great fear, heard from those who are unsaved, is that death may result in "nothing".

I don't buy that, of course. I think death is good because for me, for you,
death brings everlasting life to we who are saved.

The six words then, for myself, are an affirmation of life and good;
that death is nothing to fear because death never touches a True Christian

As for a goth? Let his misinterpretation be a mantra for his dark side. I couldn't care.

For an atheist? It looks nihilistic. But that's his problem again and not mine.

I did not slave over the six words.
God wired them into my head.
I'm not so smart as all that.

Thank you Brother


Peter

___________

poets: look for the most powerful words;
the words that excite the most basic feelings in humans.
evoke fear, evoke piety, with even the humble words.

please submit your poetry to this panel for comments

Last edited by Poetic Peter; 12-01-2006 at 01:58 AM.
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Default I must outource to a pal of mine. - 12-01-2006, 08:03 AM

poets: look for the most powerful words;
the words that excite the most basic feelings in humans.
evoke fear, evoke piety, with even the humble words.
-PP

This is my kind of poetry.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1 - 12-01-2006, 09:05 AM

Poetry and Homer go hand in hand!
look at this page!
http://www.gpc.edu/~shale/humanities...ure/homer.html

The Homeric Hymns?

The oral tradition?

Rivendell's Homer page?

A guided tour of Homers Greece????


It makes me shudder to think of this. Homerism has no place in a church!


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1 - 12-01-2006, 09:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by eliot mayfield View Post
Poetry and Homer go hand in hand!
look at this page!
http://www.gpc.edu/~shale/humanities...ure/homer.html

The Homeric Hymns?

The oral tradition?

Rivendell's Homer page?

A guided tour of Homers Greece????


It makes me shudder to think of this. Homerism has no place in a church!
I am a guy. I would like hot Sapphic verse better if I were ordering Greek food
for such sinful thoughts.



=Overheard at The Versing Greco Diner=

"Have a plate of Homer Noodles
if I may apply that nick'

to yourself who never puts
his thoughts in order one-tenth stiff

although I must admit your mind
fixates concrete as a brick"



Last edited by Poetic Peter; 12-01-2006 at 09:57 AM.
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Default Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1 - 12-01-2006, 09:54 AM

Poetry and critique of the emplaced poems!
That's the ticket!

Godly men, arise! In virile verse! nO women please, not unless it's

interesting stuff.
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Default Epistle to Izaak Walton - 12-01-2006, 06:33 PM

Sir,


One is cool and is safe-most

in Purity of dig-he-must

for come-what-may,

though lately slower

in this cold Stuff—

the Currency of Food Banked.


The only time when I grow Vexed

is now—I am fain to perhaps drown

in my lately sodden Mine

rather than be tender—

to the Point:


Regrets for your Invitation

of last week—I think—

I do not care to Fish.


Yr Ob'd't, Etc.


Earth Worm



__________________________________





for Pastor Al E Pistle

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Default Re: Epistle to Izaak Walton - 12-02-2006, 06:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poetic Peter View Post


Yr Ob'd't, Etc.

for Pastor Al E Pistle
I like it! But I remember the closing, possibly incorrectly, as "Yr Ob'd't, & etc."


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1 - 12-03-2006, 09:26 PM

I had to cogitate for a day, but I do agree with your finish.
Could you adjust the finish in just that way?

After thinking of Walton and of that interesting era of the Restoration,
I learned of the ODD characters of the lettered lives of those colorful days.

Among them was a butler; a fellow named Robert Gould.
He was in service to a puckish genius named Lord....well,
In my imagination, I find myself a collaborator with Gould.
Google him if he's unfamiliar. He was quite something.
They all like ribald humour then (see, I'm lapsing back by centuries already)


This next item is a time trip--I become part of the scene.
And it's all in fun and all in character for that great time of light indecencies.

------If it's incomprehensible, blame me. I wrote this stone sober,
and for poets, that's not generally a good way to be.

God forgive me? Robert Gould already has.
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Default Of the Restoration Era, in two Aspects - 12-03-2006, 09:37 PM

Aspect No.1
by Rob't Gould

So it was
that
my Lord Dorset was travelling
with a small party including myself,
Mr. Peter, and with several other
Poets of no notice worth to name,

and along with us was the Vicar B - - -.

We were then in passage through
that dismal place, Parson Drove,
where was Encountered a
surely halfe-witted Youth
driving a sheep Flock in our way.

And by the Commotions of the sheep,
entailing the same in our Party,
we were delayed for some minutes.

In my Lordship's buttering Manner,
which, bye the bye, is not always
of Good Intent,
he secretly induced the Bucolic one
by coin and by Authority. I saw
a whispering of seeming-exact
Instruction wedg'd tight
into the herder's ear.

Some moments later
that Innocent, bringing forth

a single Lambe, he

did approach the Vicar B - - -,

and he did make
a very Pretty Scene
for near all who witnessed.

After the Ruse—was

out, we laughed,—all
except for the Vicar! He was the Butt—
for the lad had applied to him
with this profess'd Wish—

to become married to the lambe.

And so it was, say I,

Rob't Gould

_____________________


Aspect No.2
by Mr. Peter


The Shepherd's Best

He shewed but one of his white Flock,
More pure of wool than the Parson's Frock
Of black—who blush'd Fiery red
For this is what the Shepherd said—

"Fain I am to marry her.
And you, Sir—do you
Marry Ewes?"

_____________________
_____________________


And so it is a waggish Joke
So well—Owe'd to our Brightest,
The impish Lord of Dorset.

_____________________


Post Script:

It has since occurred to us
there can be no reason countermanding
to blend with gentle harmony
poets of like-empathy
of alternated eras

who, by bold temporal strides
collaborate in crossing forth on these

Pages for all of Time,

R.G.
P.P.






.

Last edited by Poetic Peter; 12-03-2006 at 09:50 PM.
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