Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed! |
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Outdoorsman, Hunter, Fisherman, Husband, True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,565
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Freehold
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-20-2013, 02:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betty Sue
DID DYOU KNOW Young Zuse is ananagram fro Zone Guy Us? AND Azhalerazuse is ananagarm for Ales Are Huzza
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AHEM!
MEN ONLY! Go play with the other kids.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-21-2013, 02:34 AM
What do you call two queers named Bob?
Oral Roberts.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-23-2013, 04:03 AM
A nigra walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. "Hey, thats a fine animal you have there, where'd you get it?", asks the barkeeper. "Africa", says the parrot.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-23-2013, 04:18 AM
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before Saint Peter at the gate to heaven. Peter said to them, "Before you may enter the gates of Heaven you have to tell me what Easter is."
The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where we all have a big feast and we're thankful." St. Peter said, "NO!" and banished her to Hell.
The second blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where we celebrate Jesus' birth and give each other presents." St. Peter said, "NO!" and banished her to Hell.
The third blonde said, "I know what Easter is." Peter said, "Okay then, tell me."
She starts, "Easter is Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross where he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a large boulder."
St. Peter said, "Very good!" The blonde interrupted and added, "Every year the Jews role away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow we have six more weeks of winter."
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 9
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: in my igloo, chewing blubber
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-23-2013, 12:13 PM
Lol. This is the 21st century. Men and women are equal, homosexuality is fine and people are people no matter what their skin color is. Suck my *offensive vitriol deleted*. Everybody hates you guys.
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Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
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Posts: 9,051
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-23-2013, 12:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsEffy
Lol. This is the 21st century. Men and women are equal, homosexuality is fine and people are people no matter what their skin color is. Suck my *offensive vitriol deleted*. Everybody hates you guys.
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Please stay on topic.
YIC
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-23-2013, 12:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsEffy
Lol. This is the 21st century. Men and women are equal, homosexuality is fine and people are people no matter what their skin color is. Suck my *offensive vitriol deleted*. Everybody hates you guys.
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Can we please move past the hatred, the majoritarianism, the profanity, and the political agendas, and move on to something more wholesome and family friendly, like Jesus?
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,364
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-23-2013, 01:09 PM
A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.
Somehow the professor heard about the plan.
In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a prostitute makes $2000 per night."
All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-23-2013, 06:10 PM
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided that he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's alright. We'll learn about each other as we go along."
She consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the ten-meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer. This was followed by three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, "That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."
She got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?" No," she said. "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal."
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,743
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-23-2013, 07:08 PM
Teacher : If you have 10 cup cakes and someone asks for 2, how many do you have left?
Little Rastus: 10
Teacher: OK. Well what if somebody forcibly takes 2 of the cakes, what would you have then?
Little Rastus: 10 and a dead body.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,364
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-23-2013, 07:31 PM
One night, two Eskimos are sitting in a bar in northern Alaska, when they are accosted by a young man from the Mainland. The fellow has obviously been drinking. He slurs, "Hey, ya know, I've always admired you Eskimos. I REEAAALLLY like Eskimos. I've ALWAYS WANTED to be an Eskimo. Tell me how ta BE an Eskimo, huh?"
The Eskimos wink at each other. One tells the guy, "Okay, to become an Eskimo, there are only three things that you have to do. First, you've got to drink a whole bottle of Yukon Jack at once, then you've got to kill a polar bear with your bare hands, and, finally, you have to make love to an Eskimo woman."
The guy takes this in. He ticks off three fingers to himself. Then he heads over to the bar, and orders a bottle of Yukon Jack. Already drunk, he drinks the whole thing down. This has a bad effect on his balance. The fellow staggers out of the bar, muttering something like "Polar bear, Polar bear..."
Several hours pass.
Finally, the door to the bar opens, and the drunk is back. He looks a fright. His parka is ripped, one of his arms is dangling at a crazy angle, and he's got blood all over his face. He staggers over to the Eskimos, and says, "ALL right. I've got the Yukon Jack. I've got the polar bear. Now WHERE'S THIS ESKIMO BITCH I'VE GOTTA KILL?"
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,455
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-25-2013, 05:05 AM
What do you say to a Chinese knight?
"There's a chink in your armour".
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,742
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-25-2013, 06:17 PM
Mr. Etheldreda told the boys this joke:
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice already.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-25-2013, 08:17 PM
Here is one my daddy used to tell before secular law gave him the needle.
Quote:
Whats's the best thing about women
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(.....followed by absolute silence)
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-26-2013, 03:35 AM
Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS?
It never gets old.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,364
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-26-2013, 04:37 AM
There was a family somewhere in Africa. One day they found a magic river, those who swims across the river becomes White.
First the father swims across the river, and he becomes White. Then the mother swims across the river, and she becomes White. Then the child tries to swim across the river, but he gets eaten by the crocodiles.
The mother starts crying for her dead son, but the father calms her down by saying: "come on, it was just a damned nigra"
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 289
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: On Earth now, waiting for the rapture
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-26-2013, 08:45 PM
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her like an altar boy.
2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 266
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The lost Isles of Britain
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-26-2013, 10:01 PM
What's the diffrence between between a gingers cooter and a baseball?
If you try really really really hard, you can eat a baseball.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-27-2013, 03:14 AM
Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Outdoorsman, Hunter, Fisherman, Husband, True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,565
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Freehold
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Re: Manly Jokes -
02-27-2013, 03:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
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