2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

[Mistress Cookie]

From the Desk of
MISTRESS COOKIE
Chairlady of Purity Ball Committees

RE: Possible Themes and Venues

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Some of you may think it early to be turning attention to our annual Fathers Day Purity Ball, but the committee would like to avoid last minute scrambles.

Also, the Ravenstock Hotel has informed us they will not let us hold the event there again this year, so we will need a venue, as well.

Fathers Day is Sunday, June 19, this year. Do any of the men's clubs have events planned for this date? It falls on the third Sunday of the month.

We have tentatively discussed a "Biblical Fathers" theme. Would the Freehold Fathers like the committee to choose ONE Biblical Father for all the dads to dress like, or would they prefer to choose their OWN figure to emulate?

Either way, remember there will be a prize for best costume.

(Incidentally, we also need a prize.)

Finally, are there any suggestions for a venue this year? McClanahan's Miniature Golf Course has been mentioned, but their cafeteria/dining hall is not all it could be.

All suggestions are welcome, and we appreciate you busy menfolk helping us get this event rolling nice and early.

[Sister Kitty]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

(Incidentally, we also need a prize.)

I can make a donation in this regard, Mistress Cookie. In the spirit of chastity, which all our daughters should observe until their wedding day, I can present you with the the hides of the largest male land predators on Earth. Very symbolic. (I know I would skin alive any male who attempted to despoil one of my daughters outside of marriage).

I will send you the three male polar bear hides I skinned last week. My husband shot them at the town dump. The southerners say they are endangered, but there are always lots at the dump. I think the problem with the southerners is that they look for the polar bears on the ice, but since there isn't much ice anymore, they can't find them. They're at the dump, scientists.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

From the Desk of
MISTRESS COOKIE
Chairlady of Purity Ball Committees

RE: Fresh Polar Bear Skins

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In the spirit of chastity, which all our daughters should observe until their wedding day, I can present you with the the hides of the largest male land predators on Earth. Very symbolic....I will send you the three male polar bear hides I skinned last week. My husband shot them at the town dump.

These could make an absolutely LOVELY white cape! THANK YOU!

Have they been cleaned/tanned?

(I don't know what the word is...what I'm saying is we don't want a Carrie effect when we put it on the Purity Ball Queen.)

[Sister Kitty]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

These could make an absolutely LOVELY white cape! THANK YOU! Have they been cleaned/tanned?

(I don't know what the word is...what I'm saying is we don't want a Carrie effect when we put it on the Purity Ball Queen.)

They have indeed been tanned. I have also preserved the skulls and will send both to a taxidermist who owes me a favor in Winnipeg. He will mount the head, and apply felt to the hide to produce a beautiful rug that will not abrade hardwood floors, no matter how much pressure is repeatedly applied to it.

Any one of Freehold's chaste daughters will look quite inviting spread and ready on that bearskin rug for her husband on their wedding night.

If there is one thing we Eskimo women know, it is how to entice our men. For thousands of years we had nothing else.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

I'm estranged from my own daughter, but I'm sure I could find a pretty young lady of about 18 to attend with me. Put me down as a tentative RSVP yes.

[James Dewitt]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

Mistress Cookie, how about an out door party? I have 1500 acres of manicured lawns and gardens at your disposal. I still have a few friends in New York who could handle the catering, tables, chairs etc. Bobby Flay owes me a big favor, I bet he will be honored to be the head chef.

@ Sister Kitty, if at all possible I would like to purchase a polar bear skin rug, if you have extras laying around.

[Bible Student]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

Mistress Cookie, how about an out door party? I have 1500 acres of manicured lawns and gardens at your disposal. I still have a few friends in New York who could handle the catering, tables, chairs etc. Bobby Flay owes me a big favor, I bet he will be honored to be the head chef.

@ Sister Kitty, if at all possible I would like to purchase a polar bear skin rug, if you have extras laying around.

Have you solved the problem with your Hisspanish employees yet? Are you close enough to the rocks for a shark catching contest?

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

From the Desk of
MISTRESS COOKIE
Chairlady of Purity Ball Committees

RE: Catering and Venue

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Mistress Cookie, how about an out door party? I have 1500 acres of manicured lawns and gardens at your disposal. I still have a few friends in New York who could handle the catering, tables, chairs etc. Bobby Flay owes me a big favor, I bet he will be honored to be the head chef.

Thank you, Brother. That is a very generous offer.

With the economy being what it is out there, we thought it would be a good idea to have the purity girls themselves do the cooking, decorating, etc. this year and also make their own dresses. This puts their household skills on display as some of them are approaching marriagable age.

It opens the door for more prizes, too. And there's always the "speed mending" contest. So remember to bring those socks in need of repair! And cash for betting.

Of course we don't need any staff, as the girls serve the fathers.

Security is always a problem at these events, as there's always one "madcap" "wildcat" who seems to want to "go rogue" and make a break for it. Perhaps you can ask Bobby-Joe and Officer Richards if they'll need additional support? That would ease my mind greatly. And remind them we had one or two incidents with the electrical fence idea last year.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

Also, the Ravenstock Hotel has informed us they will not let us hold the event there again this year, so we will need a venue, as well.

Yes, Ravenstock. How can I forget that name? I think our Church's lawyers claim it means "my new swimming pool". Gee wize guys, can you all please pay attention in the gun safety classes.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

Mistress Cookie--Just a note to thank you for this and all the other charity work you do in Freehold.

This particular event is the highlight of our social season.

[James Dewitt]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

From the Desk of

MISTRESS COOKIE
Chairlady of Purity Ball Committees

RE: Catering and Venue

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Thank you, Brother. That is a very generous offer.

With the economy being what it is out there, we thought it would be a good idea to have the purity girls themselves do the cooking, decorating, etc. this year and also make their own dresses. This puts their household skills on display as some of them are approaching marriagable age.

It opens the door for more prizes, too. And there's always the "speed mending" contest. So remember to bring those socks in need of repair! And cash for betting.

Of course we don't need any staff, as the girls serve the fathers.

Security is always a problem at these events, as there's always one "madcap" "wildcat" who seems to want to "go rogue" and make a break for it. Perhaps you can ask Bobby-Joe and Officer Richards if they'll need additional support? That would ease my mind greatly. And remind them we had one or two incidents with the electrical fence idea last year.

Well then its settled. I will be happy to provide all the tables and chairs along with dinner wares. As a gift to all the fathers and daughters the porterhouse steaks are on me. I have no daughters, perhaps I may find a single young lady to accompany me. Bobby- Joe will provide a security team as you requested. I am a bit nervous about my pool. I might ask that all fire arms be checked at the front gates.

[Adilene]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

How about Purity Rings for the prize idea.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

From the Desk of

MISTRESS COOKIE
Chairlady of Purity Ball Committees

RE: Venue and Attendee Eligibility

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Well then its settled. I will be happy to provide all the tables and chairs along with dinner wares. As a gift to all the fathers and daughters the porterhouse steaks are on me. I have no daughters, perhaps I may find a single young lady to accompany me.

Well you see, Brother James, this is traditionally a Father/Daughter event.

Now of course, know that there are ways around that!

One way is you might adopt some child for the night...perhaps a little Taiwanese miss you come across in your business travels? (You can always return her after the event is over.) The thing there, though, is the child must be 100% "pure", if you get where I'm going with this. (I don't want to be too explicit.) And Old Man Hatchet usually works the door and organizes his own purity tests. It is very difficult to fool him. And believe me, some have tried!

Your other option might be for you to use your leverage on the board and get the Landover Mens Club to host the event. This would get us a venue, AND club members such as yourself couldn't exactly be BARRED from showing up that night, with or without a guest, as they'd just be going to THEIR OWN CLUB.

Do you think either (or a combination of) those options might work for you? We want the event to make everyone happy.

[James Dewitt]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

From the Desk of

MISTRESS COOKIE
Chairlady of Purity Ball Committees

RE: Venue and Attendee Eligibility

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Well you see, Brother James, this is traditionally a Father/Daughter event.

Now of course, know that there are ways around that!

One way is you might adopt some child for the night...perhaps a little Taiwanese miss you come across in your business travels? (You can always return her after the event is over.) The thing there, though, is the child must be 100% "pure", if you get where I'm going with this. (I don't want to be too explicit.) And Old Man Hatchet usually works the door and organizes his own purity tests. It is very difficult to fool him. And believe me, some have tried!

Your other option might be for you to use your leverage on the board and get the Landover Mens Club to host the event. This would get us a venue, AND club members such as yourself couldn't exactly be BARRED from showing up that night, with or without a guest, as they'd just be going to THEIR OWN CLUB.

Do you think either (or a combination of) those options might work for you? We want the event to make everyone happy.

Now that's a wonderful idea, the Men's club.
It has a huge kitchen, where the young ladies can make dinner and clean up afterwards. Brother Hutchins and myself are co- chairmen so I am some what assured that it can be arranged. I will give him a ring latter.

PS I will be in town next week end. If it is not to forward of me, may I ask you out for lunch ?

[James Hutchins]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

I have looked into the possibility of use the Landover Mens club. I spent an hour on the phone with the Club joo lawyers, Hockum and Weinberg. According to the bylaws,
page 746, paragraph 12:

No females are allowed inside of the Landover Mens Club except those that are employed to operate the coat check, kitchen or other services.

I am certain Miss Cookie and the other ladies to not want to be cooped up in a closet all night!

page 951, paragraph 5:

Private Dining Rooms-No female other than a niece or other distant relative may dine in a private dining room. If more than one male is present, any female present may not be directly related to any male.

Well, that excludes daughters

This seals it - page 2, paragraph 8:

Under no circumstances may any wife, daughter, granddaughter enter the club as a guest or employee.

Sort of a shame it is not a 'Second Cousins Dance' or something.

All is not lost however. From time to time, we have run auctions to the Benefit of worthy causes (like to pay sister BTB's legal bills from that unfortunate Hell-o-ween fiasco). We normally run these late in the evening, after the dinner is done and many snifters of courvoisier have been consumed. This tends to open wallets and the bidding can get quite steamy. It is not uncommon to see winning bids in the tens of thousands. A pretty sizable amount of money can be accumulated in a evening. Sister BTB's auction netted close to $300,000.
So if we do this, can I suggest renting out the grand ballroom at the Landover Westin?