2 Samuel 22-24
Today we get:
2 Samuel 22
1 And David spake unto the LORD the words of this song in the day that the LORD had delivered him out of the hand of all his enemies, and out of the hand of Saul:
So far David's enemies have been Saul; Absalom and Sheba.
2 And he said, The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer;
God is strong, and will protect.
3 The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour; thou savest me from violence.
Well, David didn't really battle anyone other than Philistines; the rest of his "enemies" were killed by other people.
7 In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried to my God: and he did hear my voice out of his temple, and my cry did enter into his ears.
He also ran away like a little girl.
9 There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it.
Trees also killed a lot of people.
18 He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them that hated me: for they were too strong for me.
Actually, he had the opportunity to kill all of them easily, but decided not to do it.
21 The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness: according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.
22 For I have kept the ways of the LORD, and have not wickedly departed from my God.
Well, there was the whole adultery thing, which he seemed to have forgotten.
He also shut up a wife that he hated, instead of divorcing her. But through it all, he didn't REALLY do something bad to God.
23 For all his judgments were before me: and as for his statutes, I did not depart from them.
Yeah, except for the Bathsheba/Uriah thingy.
28 And the afflicted people thou wilt save: but thine eyes are upon the haughty, that thou mayest bring them down.
The child of his born to Bathsheba must have been very haughty.
32 For who is God, save the LORD? and who is a rock, save our God?
That's right, our LORD is the ONLY God, you hear that wiccans!!!
38 I have pursued mine enemies, and destroyed them; and turned not again until I had consumed them.
Isn't this a song about victory over Saul, who WASN'T killed by David?
41 Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies, that I might destroy them that hate me.
But David never did, he let someone else do it.
43 Then did I beat them as small as the dust of the earth, I did stamp them as the mire of the street, and did spread them abroad.
He's taking credit for it, but it wasn't really him.
50 Therefore I will give thanks unto thee, O LORD, among the heathen, and I will sing praises unto thy name.
51 He is the tower of salvation for his king: and sheweth mercy to his anointed, unto David, and to his seed for evermore.
Unto his seed for evermore. Abaslom, Amnon, the baby from Bathsheba; they apparently don't fall under this mercy.
2 Samuel 23
1 Now these be the last words of David. David the son of Jesse said, and the man who was raised up on high, the anointed of the God of Jacob, and the sweet psalmist of Israel, said,
Just wait until we get to Psalms, the poetry of David will flow forth, fervently.
5 Although my house be not so with God; yet he hath made with me an everlasting covenant, ordered in all things, and sure: for this is all my salvation, and all my desire, although he make it not to grow.
David is still under the impression that the Israel kingdom will forever be under his family's rule.
David then talks about his great warriors.
The first three:
Adino
8 These be the names of the mighty men whom David had: The Tachmonite that sat in the seat, chief among the captains; the same was Adino the Eznite: he lift up his spear against eight hundred, whom he slew at one time.
Eleazar
9 And after him was Eleazar the son of Dodo the Ahohite, one of the three mighty men with David, when they defied the Philistines that were there gathered together to battle, and the men of Israel were gone away:
Shammah
11 And after him was Shammah the son of Agee the Hararite. And the Philistines were gathered together into a troop, where was a piece of ground full of lentiles: and the people fled from the Philistines.
The next group:
Abishai
18 And Abishai, the brother of Joab, the son of Zeruiah, was chief among three. And he lifted up his spear against three hundred, and slew them, and had the name among three.
Benaiah
20 And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, the son of a valiant man, of Kabzeel, who had done many acts, he slew two lionlike men of Moab: he went down also and slew a lion in the midst of a pit in time of snow:
The final group:
Who am I missing from the list of 37?
2 Samuel 24
1 And again the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah.
God tells David to number Israel.
2 For the king said to Joab the captain of the host, which was with him, Go now through all the tribes of Israel, from Dan even to Beersheba, and number ye the people, that I may know the number of the people.
Joab doesn't really want to do it, but David, being king, commands him to.
8 So when they had gone through all the land, they came to Jerusalem at the end of nine months and twenty days.
The way those Joos breed, since it took 9 months, they will probably have to do it again.
9 And Joab gave up the sum of the number of the people unto the king: and there were in Israel eight hundred thousand valiant men that drew the sword; and the men of Judah were five hundred thousand men.
800,000 and 500,000, for a total of 1,300,000 men of fighting age.
10 And David's heart smote him after that he had numbered the people. And David said unto the LORD, I have sinned greatly in that I have done: and now, I beseech thee, O LORD, take away the iniquity of thy servant; for I have done very foolishly.
Not sure why he felt bad about doing it, but he did.
God then talks to Gad.
12 Go and say unto David, Thus saith the LORD, I offer thee three things; choose thee one of them, that I may do it unto thee.
God (through Gad) gives David three choices for his punishment.
DOOR NUMBER 1
7 years of famine
DOOR NUMBER 2
Being chased by enemies for 3 months
DOOR NUMBER 3
3 Days pestilence
David thinks it over and takes the punishment that gets over fastest.
15 So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel from the morning even to the time appointed: and there died of the people from Dan even to Beersheba seventy thousand men.
The three days pestilence killed 70,000 people; I'm assuming that it wasn't offensive to God to number the dead.
16 And when the angel stretched out his hand upon Jerusalem to destroy it, the LORD repented him of the evil, and said to the angel that destroyed the people, It is enough: stay now thine hand. And the angel of the LORD was by the threshingplace of Araunah the Jebusite.
God repents of evil. Our LORD does evil... take that modern christianity!
18 And Gad came that day to David, and said unto him, Go up, rear an altar unto the LORD in the threshingfloor of Araunah the Jebusite.
David goes and tries to buy the threshing floor of Araunah, who tries to give it to David, but David thinks he NEEDS to pay for it (even though his money came from tithes and taxes from the people), so David offers the guy 50 shekels of silver.
25 And David built there an altar unto the LORD, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings. So the LORD was intreated for the land, and the plague was stayed from Israel.
So what have we learned today?
1. David has a short memory (or was he just getting old) his war stories around the fireplace get more and more unbelievable as the years progress.
2. I remember this one time Adino killed 800 people all at once... eh, what'd ya say? those were the days, kids weren't so darn rebellious then.
3. 50 shekels will buy you a threshingfloor to build an altar to stop God from destroying city after city, why didn't Lot build an altar?
YIC
V
Today we get:
- David sings
- David talks
- David does a bad thing
2 Samuel 22
1 And David spake unto the LORD the words of this song in the day that the LORD had delivered him out of the hand of all his enemies, and out of the hand of Saul:
So far David's enemies have been Saul; Absalom and Sheba.
2 And he said, The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer;
God is strong, and will protect.
3 The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour; thou savest me from violence.
Well, David didn't really battle anyone other than Philistines; the rest of his "enemies" were killed by other people.
7 In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried to my God: and he did hear my voice out of his temple, and my cry did enter into his ears.
He also ran away like a little girl.
9 There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it.
Trees also killed a lot of people.
18 He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them that hated me: for they were too strong for me.
Actually, he had the opportunity to kill all of them easily, but decided not to do it.
21 The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness: according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.
22 For I have kept the ways of the LORD, and have not wickedly departed from my God.
Well, there was the whole adultery thing, which he seemed to have forgotten.
He also shut up a wife that he hated, instead of divorcing her. But through it all, he didn't REALLY do something bad to God.
23 For all his judgments were before me: and as for his statutes, I did not depart from them.
Yeah, except for the Bathsheba/Uriah thingy.
28 And the afflicted people thou wilt save: but thine eyes are upon the haughty, that thou mayest bring them down.
The child of his born to Bathsheba must have been very haughty.
32 For who is God, save the LORD? and who is a rock, save our God?
That's right, our LORD is the ONLY God, you hear that wiccans!!!
38 I have pursued mine enemies, and destroyed them; and turned not again until I had consumed them.
Isn't this a song about victory over Saul, who WASN'T killed by David?
41 Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies, that I might destroy them that hate me.
But David never did, he let someone else do it.
43 Then did I beat them as small as the dust of the earth, I did stamp them as the mire of the street, and did spread them abroad.
He's taking credit for it, but it wasn't really him.
50 Therefore I will give thanks unto thee, O LORD, among the heathen, and I will sing praises unto thy name.
51 He is the tower of salvation for his king: and sheweth mercy to his anointed, unto David, and to his seed for evermore.
Unto his seed for evermore. Abaslom, Amnon, the baby from Bathsheba; they apparently don't fall under this mercy.
2 Samuel 23
1 Now these be the last words of David. David the son of Jesse said, and the man who was raised up on high, the anointed of the God of Jacob, and the sweet psalmist of Israel, said,
Just wait until we get to Psalms, the poetry of David will flow forth, fervently.
5 Although my house be not so with God; yet he hath made with me an everlasting covenant, ordered in all things, and sure: for this is all my salvation, and all my desire, although he make it not to grow.
David is still under the impression that the Israel kingdom will forever be under his family's rule.
David then talks about his great warriors.
The first three:
Adino
8 These be the names of the mighty men whom David had: The Tachmonite that sat in the seat, chief among the captains; the same was Adino the Eznite: he lift up his spear against eight hundred, whom he slew at one time.
Eleazar
9 And after him was Eleazar the son of Dodo the Ahohite, one of the three mighty men with David, when they defied the Philistines that were there gathered together to battle, and the men of Israel were gone away:
Shammah
11 And after him was Shammah the son of Agee the Hararite. And the Philistines were gathered together into a troop, where was a piece of ground full of lentiles: and the people fled from the Philistines.
The next group:
Abishai
18 And Abishai, the brother of Joab, the son of Zeruiah, was chief among three. And he lifted up his spear against three hundred, and slew them, and had the name among three.
Benaiah
20 And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, the son of a valiant man, of Kabzeel, who had done many acts, he slew two lionlike men of Moab: he went down also and slew a lion in the midst of a pit in time of snow:
The final group:
- Asahel
- Elhanan
- Shammah
- Elika
- Helez
- Ira
- Abiezer
- Mebunnai
- Zalmon
- Maharai
- Heleb
- Ittai
- Benaiah
- Hiddai
- Abialbon
- Azmaveth
- Eliahba
- Jonathan
- Shammah
- Ahiam
- Eliphelet
- Eliam
- Hezrai
- Paarai
- Igal
- Bani
- Zelek
- Nahari
- Ira
- Gareb
- Uriah
Who am I missing from the list of 37?
2 Samuel 24
1 And again the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah.
God tells David to number Israel.
2 For the king said to Joab the captain of the host, which was with him, Go now through all the tribes of Israel, from Dan even to Beersheba, and number ye the people, that I may know the number of the people.
Joab doesn't really want to do it, but David, being king, commands him to.
8 So when they had gone through all the land, they came to Jerusalem at the end of nine months and twenty days.
The way those Joos breed, since it took 9 months, they will probably have to do it again.
9 And Joab gave up the sum of the number of the people unto the king: and there were in Israel eight hundred thousand valiant men that drew the sword; and the men of Judah were five hundred thousand men.
800,000 and 500,000, for a total of 1,300,000 men of fighting age.
10 And David's heart smote him after that he had numbered the people. And David said unto the LORD, I have sinned greatly in that I have done: and now, I beseech thee, O LORD, take away the iniquity of thy servant; for I have done very foolishly.
Not sure why he felt bad about doing it, but he did.
God then talks to Gad.
12 Go and say unto David, Thus saith the LORD, I offer thee three things; choose thee one of them, that I may do it unto thee.
God (through Gad) gives David three choices for his punishment.
DOOR NUMBER 1
7 years of famine
DOOR NUMBER 2
Being chased by enemies for 3 months
DOOR NUMBER 3
3 Days pestilence
David thinks it over and takes the punishment that gets over fastest.
15 So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel from the morning even to the time appointed: and there died of the people from Dan even to Beersheba seventy thousand men.
The three days pestilence killed 70,000 people; I'm assuming that it wasn't offensive to God to number the dead.
16 And when the angel stretched out his hand upon Jerusalem to destroy it, the LORD repented him of the evil, and said to the angel that destroyed the people, It is enough: stay now thine hand. And the angel of the LORD was by the threshingplace of Araunah the Jebusite.
God repents of evil. Our LORD does evil... take that modern christianity!
18 And Gad came that day to David, and said unto him, Go up, rear an altar unto the LORD in the threshingfloor of Araunah the Jebusite.
David goes and tries to buy the threshing floor of Araunah, who tries to give it to David, but David thinks he NEEDS to pay for it (even though his money came from tithes and taxes from the people), so David offers the guy 50 shekels of silver.
25 And David built there an altar unto the LORD, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings. So the LORD was intreated for the land, and the plague was stayed from Israel.
So what have we learned today?
1. David has a short memory (or was he just getting old) his war stories around the fireplace get more and more unbelievable as the years progress.
2. I remember this one time Adino killed 800 people all at once... eh, what'd ya say? those were the days, kids weren't so darn rebellious then.
3. 50 shekels will buy you a threshingfloor to build an altar to stop God from destroying city after city, why didn't Lot build an altar?
YIC
V
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