[Dr. Otto Bond Sr.]

Make a list of your favorite qutoes by Mrs. Betty Bowers and post them here:

My favorites are:

But we must all bring Glory to our Lord in our own particular way. And if He chooses to use my perfect size four frame and regal carriage to delight His followers with the flawless nuance of top Italian designers, then who am I, as His humble servant, to eschew such a specific calling?

Such modesty!

Well, the way I look at it is this. If I am without sin and it is not a sin to simply acknowledge this fact, then there is no harm done. If, on the other hand, it is a sin to be without sin, then my being without sin is -- technically -- a sin so I am not without sin and thereby not in violation. So, I win either way. It's lovely!

Such intellect!

Truly this woman is a True Christian™! She truly inspires me anew each day.

[Dr. Otto Bond Sr.]

Still no replies? This is insulting.

[Mrs. Betty Bowers]

My goodness, to cull and select my best quotes must take such relentless industry, dear!

Of course, cognizant that pride is reputed in some paranoid circles to be a modest sin, I must add that I deserve no outrageously lavish praise for anything I may write.

After all, I merely transcript what our Lord Jesus says. Indeed, all I do is clean up the Lord's appalling awkward grammar and tawdry, salty language.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Betty Bowers

My goodness, to cull and select my best quotes must take such relentless industry, dear!

Of course, cognizant that pride is reputed in some paranoid circles to be a modest sin, I must add that I deserve no outrageously lavish praise for anything I may write.

After all, I merely transcript what our Lord Jesus says. Indeed, all I do is clean up the Lord's appalling awkward grammar and tawdry, salty language.

M-M-M-Mrs. B-B-B-B-Bowers! How nice to hhhhhave you bbbback.

[Mrs. Betty Bowers]

Why, thank you, dear.

Now, could you please removed those appalling libels against my good name that appear next to it.

I ask not out of vanity, but out of fear that Jesus sees it and, drunk, does something charmingly chivalrous, but destructive.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Praise! It's about time we get some more Multi-Platinum Tither class around here. Not that there's anything wrong with the Gold Tithers on down. Jesus loves us all.

[Mrs. Betty Bowers]

"Not that there's anything wrong with the Gold Tithers on down. Jesus loves us all."

This is quite true, dear. The fact that He loves us more in such on overtly ostentatious manner should hardly be held against Him.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Betty Bowers

"Not that there's anything wrong with the Gold Tithers on down. Jesus loves us all."

This is quite true, dear. The fact that He loves us more in such on overtly ostentatious manner should hardly be held against Him.

Welcome to the forum Mrs. Bowers. You videos have been quite the inspiration. Sing along to "You're Going Strait to Hell" has been a real hit at the station house. Oh, you should see the expression on the detainees faces when me and the boys sing it. Good times

[Mrs. Betty Bowers]

There is nothing like a lively song of inspiration to get the Negroes in the cheap seats up on their bare feat, is there?

I am currently working on a new video investigating a phenomenon I like to call "prayer." I'm filming it in Las Vegas (which means "The Vegas" in Mexican), the tackiest place in America that isn't a Roman Catholic's living room!

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Betty Bowers

I'm filming it in Las Vegas (which means "The Vegas" in Mexican), the tackiest place in America that isn't a Roman Catholic's living room!

Do they also have plastic on all the seat cushions?

Welcome to the forum, Mrs. Bowers! I never get to say hello to you at church; I've only recently made the leap from Pewter to White Gold Tither, and the Plexiglas barrier between the Base and Precious Metals sections prevented me saying hello. Perhaps you saw me waving once or twice, I believe you waved back (with just one finger, oddly) once.

I'm pleased to say the pre-bookings for my new business have enabled me to give Jesus even greater and more frequent Love Offerings than in the past!

By the way, if you are in need, you may be interested to know that my new business, The Monthly Visitor, is a luxury hotel/bed and breakfast on the outskirts of Freehold. Located in the old Thompson mansion, I offer 26 guest suites with full service, for eight-day monthly occupancy. Only women are allowed inside the main house, as we don't wish for men to be made unclean by accidentally sitting on a chair that a woman has used during her unclean time.

The Monthly Visitor is priced for Platinum and higher tithers, though there are a couple of Gold tithers who have put in for the original servants' rooms in the basement. The staff live in the refurbished slave quarters, which are now a lovely little cluster of cottages.

If Mr. Bowers prefers you to spend your monthly unclean time elsewhere, please drop me a line or come by for a private tour of the house, gardens, and conservatory. If I don't have anything available on your particular days of need, I'm sure one of the lower-level tithers would be willing to tweak her own schedule to accommodate you!

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Betty Bowers

There is nothing like a lively song of inspiration to get the Negroes in the cheap seats up on their bare feat, is there?

Well that and the occasional reminder from a stun gun.

Originally Posted by Mrs. Betty Bowers

I am currently working on a new video investigating a phenomenon I like to call "prayer." I'm filming it in Las Vegas (which means "The Vegas" in Mexican), the tackiest place in America that isn't a Roman Catholic's living room!

Oh do tell.

I've been there a few time myself. During security for Pastor Ezekal when he goes on one of his one on one soul savings with some troubled young teen. Your' not kidding about the tacky, the only place were you almost have to wear sunglass at night. Boy howdy. and people in Freehold complain about Des Moines.

[Mrs. Betty Bowers]

What a delightful invitation, dear. Since, however, my Savior (after much hectoring on my part) has absolved me of the deplorable curse of women, I am without need to refuge during that rather unpleasant time of unseemly emission.

Sister Taffy, it is my understanding, had to most dreadfully resorted to disposable serviettes that she otherwise uses for formal placesettings (I don't ask about the habits of uppity White Trash) to abate her copious flow. As such, I suggest you shove a fistful of Bounty towels up her lady entrance. I dare say it would be the most dainty intrusion those wildly dilated parts have entertained in quite some time!

[Justina Thyme]

Mrs. Bowers, I should like to formally offer my felicitations and greetings to you upon your joining our community. We've never met, as I am relatively new here, so let me introduce myself: I am Justina Thyme, and Mr. Thyme (my dearest husband) and I are platinum tithers as of this year. You do understand that your status here is that of a living legend, and that we are honored indeed to know that your presence will grace our church's Sunday services.

If you should wish to join the Ladies of Landover club, please go to my profile page. I founded the club but would be more than happy to have you take over as its president if you so desire.

I sincerely hope that you'll understand that what I'm going to ask you next is only for the good of the Landover Baptist Church Community as a whole. I pray you to please, when you have a spare moment, look over the following list and, if you should find any of the articles on it in your home or on your person or those of your family or staff, please remove them at once. I, along with Rev RG Green, have been studying demonology and it is unbelievable how many there can be and where they choose to insert themselves. Some of these may surprise you, but I can assure you that if you follow the directions, you will have taken a very large, crucial step towards DELIVERANCE from them. GLORY!

Here is the list:

American Indian artifacts (dreamcatchers, etc.), carvings, pictures
East Indian items
Paisley pattern on anything
Items from other countries, especially Africa, China, Japan
Statues/pictures of false gods/goddesses (Buddha, Krishna, et al.)
Frogs, owls, hearts, unicorns, angels, dolphins, rainbows, dragons, horseshoes
Dolls and stuffed animals (dolls originated in voodoo)
Items of clothing named after pagan idols or gods/goddesses (e.g., Nike is a Greek goddess)
Pictures of movie stars/other celebrities
Some items passed down from ancestors (the ancestor may have been cursed)
Shamrocks, clovers or any kind of good luck charm
Any items used in witchcraft
The Book of Mormon
The Satanic Bible
Any "Christian" bible other than the English King James Version 1611 (KJV1611)
Books on other religions
Rock and roll music, jazz music, etc.
Flamingos, sundials, books/tapes from false (i.e., non-Deliverance) religions
Ankhs, astrological symbols, peace symbols, tikis, Italian horns (cornutos)
Stars, wishbones, incense, fleurs-de-lis

Thank you, Mrs. Bowers, and I hope your time with us is blessed.

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Betty Bowers

What a delightful invitation, dear. Since, however, my Savior (after much hectoring on my part) has absolved me of the deplorable curse of women, I am without need to refuge during that rather unpleasant time of unseemly emission.

How fortunate for you! But please don't spread it around too much; we don't want my clientele getting ideas!

Don't mind Sister Justina. She gets a bit overzealous about the demonology now and then, and I'm sure she meant no offense. Some call her a bit of a moonbat, but I think she's sweet.

[Sister Noddy]

Dear Mrs Bowers,

Welcome to the forum! We are most honored to have you! However, as our beloved Sister Jussy has mentioned, you can't be too careful when it comes to uninvited guests in your home (those pesky demons!)

Just an additional word of precaution! When you have made very sure that there are none of those lurking anywhere in any of your household appliances or under the furniture, you will want to consider another kind of unwanted visitor in your home! You will want to check your attic and cellar, and of course any hidden crawlspaces in the foundations of the house (for alien greys!)

Oh, and check the back yard as well, you will want to keep a sharp eye out for strange objects such as machinery or miniature flying vehicles of unusual metalic appearance (in the bushes!)

They can be hiding almost anywhere on the premises, you can't be too careful, Sister! Praise!

With love in Jesus! Sister Noddy

[Justina Thyme]

Indeed I meant no offense, Mrs, Bowers. But as has been well documented and proven, Christians--even top-notch, True Christians™ like yourself--can be prey to these unclean, unholy creatures from hell. That is why I ask that you take the time to read through this list and use it as a general measure, if you will. If there is any other way in which I may be of assistance, please let me know.

Thank you, and have a blessed and wonderful stay with us.

Yours in Christ,

Justina Thyme

[Mrs. Betty Bowers]

Inviting me to join the Ladies of Landover is tantamount to inviting Jesus to try Heaven, dear. I have been an active member for quite some time.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/thestaff/ladies/

I am unfamiliar with your shadow organization that apparently goes by the same name. I do, however, suspect tacit affiliation with the Great Whore of Babylon, as she is notorious for lending her sullied name to everything from Catholicism to canasta clubs.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Betty Bowers

Inviting me to join the Ladies of Landover is tantamount to inviting Jesus to try Heaven, dear. I have been an active member for quite some time.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/thestaff/ladies/

I am unfamiliar with your shadow organization that apparently goes by the same name. I do, however, suspect tacit affiliation with the Great Whore of Babylon, as she is notorious for lending her sullied name to everything from Catholicism to canasta clubs.

You don't mean that slut lady of ill-repute Dora Denkins is back?

[Mrs. Betty Bowers]

According to Jesus, the odious creature is still in Miami. He told me that Dora just went on a Carnival cruise with June Gordon to prowl for men in international waters, outside the jurisdiction of the Centers for Disease Control.

[Marshall]

Never did trust that Denkins woman. Not since I asked her out to dinner and she asked "which stable?" When I told her I meant at a resteraunt she asked if it had a drive thru. What kind of question is that? After she made a joke at my cars expense(something about ancient rat traps, I didn't get it) I had had enough and I refused to talk to her again. The next thing I know she's on the Interwebs making lies and slander about Jesus Himself and she isn't going to church services anymore.
I suspected she was on some sort of drug to not want to go out on the town with me.