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Default Keep it UP, Guys - 11-11-2008, 12:18 AM

Gentlemen, I'd like to broach a delicate subject. Many of you are confused about how to correctly position your tallywackers in your jockeys. The answer is "up."



The tallywacker shouldn't rest on the beanbag--it runs the risk of skin-on-skin friction, and since we are strictly talking about male skin here, that would make the tallywacker's proprietor GAY.

Also, wearing it down poses a problem for men who are more than adequately supplied in the groin. When it comes to the Hatchman©, the Lord gaveth, and He kept on giving. My trousers, no matter how loose-fitting, always have an enticing, mountainous bulge if my pecker is down. Consequently, I put wanton thoughts in the heads of countless women. Placing my johnny in the up position helps to avoid all of this.



Not only should you be mindful about the kinds of thoughts you are instilling in the ladies, you should be concerned about your thoughts as well. The dong is basically an antenna. When it is up, it is tuned to heavenly broadcasts. When down, it is pointing towards the Devil, receiving all sorts of wicked transmissions. The last time I had my wang down, I had salacious thoughts about Pastor Billy-Reuben's wife. Obviously I was picking up sinful signals from Satan*.

I used to have a hard time keeping it up. It was always falling down and flopping around. Then the Holy Spirit gave me a brilliant idea--tie a knot around it with pubic hair to keep it in place. Now I'm anchored and ready to serve the Lord.

How you wear your tallywacker in your underpants is a pretty good indicator of where you'll be going in the afterlife. Make sure you keep yours in a locked and upright position. Your soul depends on it.


*And Pastor Billy-Reuben's wife.
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Default Re: Keep it UP, Guys - 11-11-2008, 01:35 AM

Thank you Brother Hatchet for this excellent - and dare I say uplifting - advice. I have to admit that my front bottom constantly picks up signals - very confusing, as it makes it hard, very hard to listen to Baby Jesus murmurings.

I have to admit mine was always pointing down. So now I know why... anyway...

As I have not received from the Lord what you have received, I had a bit of problem keeping it in place with a pubic hair (it kept slipping out), so I found another solution to keep it pointed to JESUS! GLORY!

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Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: Keep it UP, Guys - 11-11-2008, 02:53 PM

Amen Brother Hatchet, this is certainly Godly advice, and a clear indicator that True Christian men should only wear thick white briefs! None of those homo boxers or boxerbriefs here, no sir!

I am ashamed to admit to my fellow brothers in CHRIST that I have often not had to worry about securing it in place, as it stands up on its own most of the time. It has proven quite embarrassing at times. It seemed like whenever I was getting ready to teach a Bible study with the youth group back in Kansas, up it would go.

I have prayed often and fervently for it to go down, but my tallywacker continues to defy the will of GOD.



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- Proverbs 15:3

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Default Re: Keep it UP, Guys - 11-11-2008, 04:18 PM

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Originally Posted by Bob4God View Post

I am ashamed to admit to my fellow brothers in CHRIST that I have often not had to worry about securing it in place, as it stands up on its own most of the time. It has proven quite embarrassing at times. It seemed like whenever I was getting ready to teach a Bible study with the youth group back in Kansas, up it would go.

I have prayed often and fervently for it to go down, but my tallywacker continues to defy the will of GOD.

That is sick, making a joke about pedofiles!
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Default Re: Keep it UP, Guys - 11-11-2008, 04:58 PM

Is that like the X-files?


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Default Re: Keep it UP, Guys - 11-11-2008, 06:29 PM

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Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
Is that like the X-files?
No its Pedofiles is a seperate series.
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Default Re: Keep it UP, Guys - 11-11-2008, 07:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vital signs View Post
No its Pedofiles is a seperate series.
Pastors, forgive me for coming into the men-only section . . . I thought this thread was about keeping one's topiaries up (I have one at the Monthly Visitor that just keeps flopping). Don Bozo hasn't sent the gardener, Juan, around for a while. (Where IS he, anyway?)

Mr. Vital, your favorite perverted sodomite TV shows are not an appropriate topic for God's Favorite Forum. Perhaps you'd be happier over at www.disboards.com, where you can find plenty of fellow pedophiles discussing their revolting lust for children and their toys.


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Default Re: Keep it UP, Guys - 11-11-2008, 08:05 PM

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Originally Posted by Vital signs View Post
That is sick, making a joke about pedofiles!
What are you babbling on about??

Honestly, some of you unsaved trash have the sickest minds! You can take anything innocent and turn it into something filthy! You disgust JESUS!



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Default Re: Keep it UP, Guys - 11-11-2008, 11:07 PM

Mr. hatchet that explains a lot one of the guys who's lawns we do is a county superviser and a big republican fundraiser anyway i always wondered why hed' give me an extra tip if i wore that special underware under tight cut offs now i understand he was just looking out for my spirtual well being bless his heart.
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Default Re: Keep it UP, Guys - 11-11-2008, 11:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vital signs View Post
That is sick, making a joke about pedofiles!
When did Bob, or anyone else for that matter, mention Papists?


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Default Re: Keep it UP, Guys - 12-21-2008, 01:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vital signs View Post
That is sick, making a joke about pedofiles!
I don't think the fine folks of Landover "joke" about pedophiles. It's a serious subject with serious consequences. I should know! I'm a Youth Pastor!
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Default Re: Keep it UP, Guys - 12-22-2008, 06:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Peter Fyle View Post
I don't think the fine folks of Landover "joke" about pedophiles. It's a serious subject with serious consequences. I should know! I'm a Youth Pastor!
Speaking of which Brother how have the little issues down in Florida been working out ?




Leviticus 26:27-29

27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.
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