[Wide-Open]

Friends, I have a question. It has been a long time ago that I proposed - to my late wife - and I have the eary feeling that the way we usually do it in Belgium, may not be the correct way.

Bernard Devreese from Dilbeek in Flemish Brabant ran onto the pitch naked in what he later claimed was his attempt at a marriage proposal


18 December 2007 - European Football’s governing body UEFA has fined the Belgian Football Association 3,000 euros. The fine was issued as a punishment for what UEFA described as the “poor organisation” of Belgium’s home match against Armenia on 17 October.

As I'm eager to get married again with a True Christian™ 13 year old, I would like to ask: how does a decent Christian propose? Does he ask her parents? Does he kneel whilst proposing (guess not, why on earth would we ever kneel for a woman)? Do you get to keep your clothes on unlike the tradition has it over here? Do you even need to go to a football stadium?

Could you please enlighten me on the rituals of a true LBC proposal, ideally backup up with Scripture?

Thank you very much.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Well, I don't think the good book is too specific on the matter. I've never done it myself...

Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

I don't think they really mean "proposal" do they? I mean it isn't really a question, is it? I always assumed it would be more of an order. As in "Look, we're getting married, ok? Take care of the details."

[eliot mayfield]

I thought you just asked her father? Isn't she his possession?

Genesis 34:
"8": And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife.

"9": And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you.

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Wide-Open

Friends, I have a question. It has been a long time ago that I proposed - to my late wife - and I have the eary feeling that the way we usually do it in Belgium, may not be the correct way.


As I'm eager to get married again with a True Christian™ 13 year old, I would like to ask: how does a decent Christian propose? Does he ask her parents? Does he kneel whilst proposing (guess not, why on earth would we ever kneel for a woman)? Do you get to keep your clothes on unlike the tradition has it over here? Do you even need to go to a football stadium?

Could you please enlighten me on the rituals of a true LBC proposal, ideally backup up with Scripture?

Thank you very much.

Three short words:
Two.
Hundred.
Foreskins.
1 Samuel 18:25 And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies... 27 Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Originally Posted by eliot mayfield

I thought you just asked her father? Isn't she his possession?

That's the preferred way. If her dad says no (or you don't have time to collect the foreskins he demands), don't worry, the Lord has provided a good backup plan:

If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days. Deuteronomy 22:28-29

Luckily, fifty shekels of silver are worth much less today than they were in Biblical times. Just be warned, if you follow the Deuteronomy plan, you won't be able to dump her when she's 30, pregnant, and wrinkled.

[Elmer Christianson]

Proposals need to be short and simple. Be careful not to make any promises that you'll have to regret later. Remember two things...

1 Keep your gun in your holster till you vows become sanctioned by LBC and HIM.

2 The bride's dress is white so it will match the washing machine, stove and porcelain accoutremonts.

Finally, don't be so nervous! Women who play hard to get are nothing but trouble. They'll heckle you for expensive household items and refuse to unclog the plumbing on their own (in more ways than one).

[Seeker]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Well, I don't think the good book is too specific on the matter. I've never done it myself...

Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

I don't think they really mean "proposal" do they? I mean it isn't really a question, is it? I always assumed it would be more of an order. As in "Look, we're getting married, ok? Take care of the details."

Well don't be a jerk all your life, Mr. lonely!!! Biblethumpinsomething has been calling your name.

Stop flirting with your bad self and commit as the word of God says.

There is time for divorce lawyers later and cheap!

[Wide-Open]

Thanks gentlemen.

Right, that settled it for me. There are about 400.000 mooslims living in my little village, and they chuck out their foreskins left right & centre. Just cleaning up our pavement gets me about 50 of them on a daily basis.

Can we all agree that they certainly are Philistines?

That way I can avoid the Deuteronomy side-effects and don't have to dig into Joo money/EUR exchange rates. (I'll keep it as plan B ).

I'm a little worried about foreskin inflation though. Only one hundred were asked for, but David brought the king two hundred. Was he just showing off?

Point taken on the promises. I did with my late wife, and learned a lesson or two from that. Getting to get in unto her was way too cumbersome and expensive.

Off to clean the pavement!

[Wide-Open]

Pardon my French but: bugger!

It seems I spoke too soon friends.

A Pastor sent me a rather annoyed PM, informing me that I might have made a small mistake.

After some further exchanges, it became clear that I was embarrassingly wrong.

Apparently, this is not a foreskin. As you can see, it's an obvious mistake to make.

So I might have to go Deuteromonial after all. I don't think the father would be thrilled when he'd get 200 of these. Not sure what the Pastor meant with them being "used" though, as that would be the same with real foreskins.

I'll keep you informed on my progress.

[Glendora Christianson]

Originally Posted by Wide-Open

A Pastor sent me a rather annoyed PM, informing me that I might have made a small mistake.

After some further exchanges, it became clear that I was embarrassingly wrong.

Apparently, this is not a foreskin. As you can see, it's an obvious mistake to make.

Forgive me Jesus for posting in the men's forum, I know even a woman of my spiritual stature is but another daughter of Eve.

Anyway, I once found some of those funny balloons in Skeeter's truck, so I asked my husband Elmer what they were. Elmer told me they're things that clowns use to make animals and such. So I only gave Skeeter a few good licks with my longest wooden spoon as I certainly don't want him to join some Hellbound circus. Hope this helps, Mother Glynndie

[Rev. Carlton Green]

Generally when I propose I simply give them a slap across the face, and rebuke them harshly until they submit to be my endearing baby-maker.


But that's just me.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Wide-Open

Pardon my French but: bugger!

Apparently, this is not a foreskin. As you can see, it's an obvious mistake to make.

So I might have to go Deuteromonial after all. I don't think the father would be thrilled when he'd get 200 of these. Not sure what the Pastor meant with them being "used" though, as that would be the same with real foreskins.

I'll keep you informed on my progress.

Please do, Brother. I was under the impression that those things were foreskins too. I keep finding them in the woods on my estate, and on occasion outside the servant's shack quarters. I thought they were shedding like a snake, but now that you mention it, they do seem a bit large, and they aren't negro colored...I don't know what to make of this.

[Father Thomas Martin]

I heard on one of my infractions that you were engaged to "Sister" Thumper...How long ago was that, and when are you setting a date? (Either set one or break up!)

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin

I heard on one of my infractions that you were engaged to "Sister" Thumper...How long ago was that, and when are you setting a date? (Either set one or break up!)

Is that how you papist boy-buggerers get your jollies? By breaking up perfectly sound, normal relationships?

We've been engaged for going on 3 years now, not that it's any of your business, mary worshiper!!

[Father Thomas Martin]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Is that how you papist boy-buggerers get your jollies? By breaking up perfectly sound, normal relationships?

We've been engaged for going on 3 years now, not that it's any of your business, mary worshiper!!

Engaged for 3 years? That's a LOOOONG time!

I don't want you to break up, but I think you should set the wedding date & plans real soon!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin

Engaged for 3 years? That's a LOOOONG time!

I don't want you to break up, but I think you should set the wedding date & plans real soon!

And who asked you, papist? Don't you have some lawsuits to settle?

Long courtships are a tradition in my family. We'll set the date when the time is right.

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin

Engaged for 3 years? That's a LOOOONG time!

I don't want you to break up, but I think you should set the wedding date & plans real soon!

Does anyone else enjoy the irony of A CATHOLIC PRIEST telling someone they should get married?

I think you, Thomas Martin, should make plans to get married soon. After all, it is a requirement to be a bishop:
1 Timothy 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;

How exactly do you perverted freaks get clerical celibacy out of that?

[Wide-Open]

Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin

I heard on one of my infractions that you were engaged to "Sister" Thumper...How long ago was that, and when are you setting a date? (Either set one or break up!)

Look here mister, father, sir, erm, papist.

You are off-topic.

Very much so.

First of all, I have been an altar boy myself - long ago - and it took my late wife some serious persuasion to make me understand that I should do the, err, penetration. Our relation really started off the wrong foot.

Further more, I was engaged with her for 8 years before we finally decided to get married.

As it stands, I now have a 500 USD fine for trying to throw away 8.000 used condoms in an "ecological" container park. So I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR INNUENDO when it comes to Pastor Ezekiel's privates life.

If you are that interested about the relation between our cherished members, start a thread of your own. See how far you get.

This thread is meant to help me get laid acquainted with a nice Christian lady, it is not a playing ground for your vile insinu - insini - insunni gossip!

Go watch some dark smoke/white smoke action on your VCR. Go search Ebay for the papal VW Golf. Do some research on P2 and the Vatican Bank. That'll keep you busy.

Ner.

[Father Thomas Martin]

Originally Posted by Wide-Open

Look here mister, father, sir, erm, papist.

insinu - insini - insunni gossip!

Did you enter the Iowa Porky Pig impersonation contest?

If so, well th-the-THAT'S ALL FOLKS, I think you'd win!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin

Did you enter the Iowa Porky Pig impersonation contest?

If so, well th-the-THAT'S ALL FOLKS, I think you'd win!

You racist bastard! Are you picking on Brother Wide just because he's from Belgium?

We do NOT tolerate that kind of hatefulness around here, papist.