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Honorary True Christian™
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-15-2010, 06:14 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil necked moron. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!
So I called him a son of a mutant pig. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner! LOL
I thought this one was pretty funny.
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But Officer Don doesn't have a pencil neck . . .
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-16-2010, 01:36 AM
A young girl went to the barber shop with her father and stood right next to him as he got his hair cut. Then she took out a Twinkie and began eating it.
The barber warned her, "You're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She replied nonchalantly, "I'm gonna get boobs, too."
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Posts: 14,178
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-16-2010, 01:54 AM
What is the difference between a hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I cut up a hooker.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-16-2010, 04:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levi Jones
What is the difference between a hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I cut up a hooker.
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That reminds me, Brother . . . Did you notice that you can't spell "slaughter" without "laughter"?
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 490
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: The rotten state of Denmark
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-18-2010, 06:33 AM
Slut test!
Him: Are you a whore?
Her: No!
He put $ 10 on the table.
Him: Will you go to bed with me for $ 10
Her: No!
He put $ 100 on the table.
Him: What about now?
Her: No!
He then put $ 500 on the table.
Him: Now?
Her: No!
He puts $ 5000 on the table.
Him: What about now?
Her: Well..... Okay then.
He takes all the money again, except the $ 10
Her: Hey what you doing?
Him: Now that we have stated you are a whore, we can begin to negotiate the price.
Afterthought:
He then cuts her up like an onion, just without the crying.
Praise our faithful Landover Baptist women
Ephesians 5:23_(King James Version)"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body."
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 5
Join Date: Sep 2010
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-19-2010, 03:20 AM
The bible speaks for itself and there can be no argument with the truth:
MATT 12 34
You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.
EPH 4 29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-19-2010, 03:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1onetheone
The bible speaks for itself and there can be no argument with the truth:
MATT 12 34
You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.
EPH 4 29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
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This section is for men only!
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Outdoorsman, Hunter, Fisherman, Husband, True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,565
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Freehold
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-19-2010, 07:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1onetheone
The bible speaks for itself and there can be no argument with the truth:
MATT 12 34
You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.
EPH 4 29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
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Was this supposed to be a joke?
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-19-2010, 09:01 PM
When the surgeon came to see Bambi on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy."
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Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
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Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-19-2010, 11:01 PM
Lisa gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones. The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them.
The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones. Soon, Lisa falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones. A few minutes later, Lisa collapses, dead on the floor. Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to her ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."
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Outdoorsman, Hunter, Fisherman, Husband, True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,565
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Freehold
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-20-2010, 12:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
Lisa gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones. The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them.
The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones. Soon, Lisa falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones. A few minutes later, Lisa collapses, dead on the floor. Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to her ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."
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Now I can only see two reasons for this post.
1. your sexual fascination with the girl and wanting to make her your "wench"
2. you want her to get upset and post in this thread and get into trouble
Why are you so obsessed with her? She's not interested in you.
And since I don't want to turn this into another Jo Freddy thread.....
You think men have it easy? You're dead wrong, they have to work up a sweat to keep taking out the belt and putting it back in again.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Trick question, feminists can't change anything!
How do you know when a woman’s about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
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Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-20-2010, 01:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seth Campbell
Now I can only see two reasons for this post.
1. your sexual fascination with the girl and wanting to make her your "wench"
2. you want her to get upset and post in this thread and get into trouble
Why are you so obsessed with her? She's not interested in you.
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I refer you to a post I made in response to one of your other inane witterings:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
Oh I have no fantasies about Zekie Boy or anyone else in this place. I am not one of the ones here that projects their, what you would call deviant, thoughts onto others.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-20-2010, 04:32 AM
Her Name is Five Horses
A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.
He replied, "She is called Five Horses".
The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.
What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered,
"It is an old Indian name. It means...
wait for it
NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: Manly Jokes -
09-22-2010, 06:49 PM
A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok." She thinks that is a bit odd and asks him about it. Dennis says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement." A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock. "I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!" exclaims the woman. Dennis Rodman replies, "It's cool baby. In a minute it's going to say 'ADIDAS.'"
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 11
Join Date: Oct 2010
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Re: Manly Jokes -
10-04-2010, 05:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Care to back that up with Scripture, boy?
And who asked for your unsaved opinion anyway?
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i just mentally asked for it =D
god hasnt burnt me for going on this page yet! =D
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 490
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: The rotten state of Denmark
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Re: Manly Jokes -
10-04-2010, 06:44 PM
How can you tell whether your wife is dead or not?
Well, there's really no major different besides your home is getting dirtier, and you're getting hungrier.
Praise our faithful Landover Baptist women
Ephesians 5:23_(King James Version)"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body."
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Winning Souls in his Winnebago
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,893
Join Date: May 2010
Location: travelling the heartland in my Winnebago.
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Re: Manly Jokes -
10-04-2010, 07:11 PM
Why do all the joos have such big noses?
Air is free.
How many shrinks does it take to change a light bulb?
one, but the bulb really has to want to change.
1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,765
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: Manly Jokes -
10-04-2010, 07:52 PM
Millie, the virginal daughter of Brother John, was caught alone in the elevator of the church office tower with Levi Jones.
Being as yet unsaved and--I'll put it bluntly, since there are no womenfolk around in this thread--horny as Hell--Millie pressed the elevator's stop button, removed all of her clothes, then shouted to the good pastor, "Make a True Christian™ woman out of me!"
Pastor Jones, always willing to help a young Christian in need, removed his clothes, too, restarted the elevator, and, walking out buck naked when he reached his office's floor, instructed Millie, "I expect those to be cleaned and pressed before supper."
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Manly Jokes -
10-05-2010, 11:00 PM
I was chatting via Yahoo Messenger with Professor Bessemer yesterday, and he was telling me about his research into hormones as a treatment for homosexuality. He asked me if I knew how to make a hormone. Naturally, not being a Creation Scientist, I said no. His reply?
"Kick her in the stomach!"
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Posts: 14,178
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
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Re: Manly Jokes -
10-08-2010, 05:45 AM
My mistress called me a pedophile today.
I told her that's an awfully big word for a 9 year old.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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