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Default Businesses in Landover - 05-27-2015, 11:11 PM

I’d like to give some publicity to a business here in Landover. A business that’s run by an old friend who is a great help in times of trouble. You can find it in the new Biblical Science Park between "Bob4God’s Gun Shop" and “The Widows Might Christian Dating Agency.” I’ll say straight away that I’m a shareholder and the more business that it gets, the more my shares rise. However, I’ll set that aside and tell you what I know for certain.

It’s a new type of garage business called “L & Son” and it is run by Len Jones (His friends call him “L”) and his son, Jessie. They really are a team – and Jessie is so like his father (who doesn’t seem to age) that it's probably impossible to tell them apart.

When “L” created the business all those years ago, he did it in a remarkably short time: he had the water and lighting up and running in well under a week and all the other stuff followed in short-order. There’s some really interesting stuff around – you need to look in the place to appreciate how complex some of it is – and it’s all his design.

“So what’s so good?” I hear you say. Well, what about this – in the early days, every car in that workshop was perfect. Yes, no rust, no marks, always started, completely reliable, stopped when required, drove like a dream – some say the cars ran perfectly without gas...

There was a set-back when someone used a piece of equipment without knowing what it would do, L had told everyone to keep away but, of course, people are fallible and the worst happened. And then there was the flood and the period when the business moved out of town and discovered that conditions were not great. The path back to Landover was hard and long, but they made it despite opposition.

Things went on an “L” produced a son – Jessie. (It was a little embarrassing at the time, the woman was already married, but things sorted themselves out OK.)

Jessie turns out to be a genius – at the age of 12 or 13, he was found lecturing old-time mechanics at the Ford franchise, and impressing them! He knowledge of Dodge transmissions and BMW chain-cam engines turned their worlds upside down! And what he didn’t know about the history of the automobile was not worth knowing – he could quote you the torque settings for every nut on every car.

By about 28/29, he has turned his hand to restoring vehicles that didn’t even look like vehicles they were so bad – seized brakes; terminal rust; shed con-rods; jammed gearboxes, even cars that had been totaled! You name it, he would fix it there and then! I remember he threw in a wonderful trick that no one’s worked out yet: he used only a gallon of gas and a pint of oil to get countless cars to drive down to Des Moines – and back!. Some mechanic!

Then there’s the story of the amphibious car – drove on roads, sailed across the water – what a thing that must have been. I never saw it myself, but there’s plenty who have.

“When’s ole Bathfire going to come to the point?” you say… OK… here’s the thing, with L’s blessing, Jessie launched to best after-care service ever! You pay him his dues, and, whereas he cannot promise that your car will always run perfectly whilst you have it, he does promise that if the car is ever taken to the junk yard for the last time, he will make sure that it is moved to a secret location and fully restored! It will be so good - it will be museum-quality.

(I’ll tell you now that he’s not interested in the luxury end of the market – Jessie says that those cars have had an easy life and their owners kept them well – when they go, they’ll be melted down.)

So, if your an ordinary sort of Joe, with one of those cars that can be temperamental and sometimes worries you or causes you pain, suffering and grief, get yourself along to “L & Son” and just accept that your car will eventually be fully restored and kept in the finest conditions known to the automobile industry.

FAQ:

Q: Can I go and see my car at this secret location?
A: Currently this is not possible. L & Son are hoping that when there are enough who have signed up that Jessie will come and dispose of unsuitable vehicles. At this time, those who have signed up will be taken to the secret location and be able to get into their cars.



Q: Can I see my car or hear it running if it’s in the secret location? You know like on Skype or something?
A: Quite impossible. Seeing or hearing the perfection would just be too much for you. You would be completely dissatisfied with the car you now had or indeed, ever had.



Q: How do I know that my car has not been scrapped and recycled?
A: Both L and Jessie have told you that this is not the case – this is their entire business model – would they risk that?



Q: What are the terms and condition for this great deal?
A: There’s stuff like: You won’t go to any other workshop; you won’t become dissatisfied with your car and you won’t start eying your friend’s car; you won’t invent problems with your car or be inaccurate about what needs to be done to the car; you won’t scrap your car or any other, etc. It’s all straightforward stuff – don’t be put off by the fact that the contract is over 500 pages: if you simply do what’s required, the deal’s on.

Q: I heard tell that Jessie chased off all the crooks who were using that place near his yard to push shady finance deals – is that right?
A: Indeed it is! Jessie thinks that they were lowering the tone of the neighborhood. There were 30 of them and only one Jessie. He did the right thing - I’m sure you’ll agree.



Q: I once heard that a guy on a lonely road broke down at night – he looked under the hood and the engine block had cracked – there was water and oil everywhere. Then he saw the lights of a massive semi coming towards him. The semi was loaded with cars just like the ones at the secret location and the guy could hear their engines throbbing in tune. The semi stopped and Jessie lent out and asked him why he had stopped. The guy said his engine was toast. Jessie said, “Drive on.” And the semi moved off. When the guy got in the car, it started first time! Is this true?
A:It seems unlikely, doesn’t it? But then I hear stories like that all the time. I heard tell of a woman who was taking a Mustang that her dear old mother had owned to L to be fixed. The gearbox could not move out of 1st, the brakes pulled to the side and the poor woman had spent her last dollar on that car at some fake garage where she’d been ripped off. She took a wrong turning and before she knew it, she was lost in a ghetto… and the front suspension collapsed. At that moment, a bunch of traffic cops appeared, and she knew she was in trouble because they saw the car and reached for their tickets. That woman called out to L & Son in the darkness and rain.

The rain stopped, the street-lighting came on and, seemingly, out of nowhere, Jessie appeared. The woman fell on her knees and confessed how she had been deceived and cried that she had been wrong not to accept Jessie’s deal. Jessie told her to stand up and never to make foolish decisions again. She looked at the Mustang and it was like new. And all the traffic cops had to rip up their tickets – that car was perfect.



Q: This secret location must be pretty big by now – how come no one’s found it?
A: Oh, it’s there all right. Those who have signed up with L & Son just know it’s there. Others may look for it but, without understanding what L & Son’s business model is, they aren’t going to find it. You might say, “It exists everywhere.” You know, if you pay L & Son their dues and take on board their wonderful service promise – you will understand where it is. But there’s no use trying to tell those who reject the idea. I speak to L & Son about this regularly – L says those people made their choice freely and their cars will be destroyed, scrapped, melted down.




If you have any questions, let me know, I'll do my best to answer, and if I can't, I'll ask L or Jessie.





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Default Re: Businesses in Landover - 05-28-2015, 09:23 AM

Does Jessie have a succession plan? What would happen if his enemies/opposition colluded to murder him?


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Default Re: Businesses in Landover - 05-28-2015, 10:02 AM

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Originally Posted by Jim Farmer View Post
Does Jessie have a succession plan? What would happen if his enemies/opposition colluded to murder him?
Jessie would surely keep himself well-armed to prevent the yids and other assorted nignogs from doing that - just like any other white American Christian with blue eyes and blond hair.


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Default Re: Businesses in Landover - 05-28-2015, 10:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer View Post
Does Jessie have a succession plan? What would happen if his enemies/opposition colluded to murder him?
A good question. As far as succession is concerned, there are some who say that Jessie has told one of the employees that should anything happen to him (Jessie) that it is they who will administer the business as a franchise from one of those European tax havens. On the other hand, some say that the business will administer itself and, just as long as we sign up with Jessie, L & Son will answer all letters and emails in a positive manner and continue to give great customer care.

Personally, I think that the latter is more likely. When you sit at night in the small hours worrying about your Buick or aging Olds, being able to get an answer from Jessie direct (rather than through some suit) is what L would want. At least, it works for me: The other day, my wife’s car was having difficulty starting – I suspected that it was the fuel filter that was in need of changing. I wrote a sincere email to L and, what do you know – he came back almost immediately, confirming that it indeed was the fuel filter. I must say I slept soundly that night.


Now the next day I changed the filter but the car would not start. So I knew that not only was the filter clogged, but there must be something else that needed fixing. (I could not have been clear in my words when I wrote the email...) So, suspecting that it was the spark-plugs. I wrote to L, and he confirmed it was.
____________________

Your concerns about “Something happening to Jessie” are prescient. Obviously, the other garages are no fans of Jessie – before he came on the scene, they say they spoke with L directly. Now Jessie says they had got it wrong – they were maximizing profit, had far too many layers of bureaucracy, and were operating simply to maximize their own profits – Yes, they’d like to see him out of business for good.

However, I don’t worry too much about that – it doesn’t matter what they do, Jessie says he will bounce back within a few days and I believe him.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
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Default Re: Businesses in Landover - 05-28-2015, 11:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Jessie would surely keep himself well-armed to prevent the yids and other assorted nigras from doing that - just like any other white American Christian with blue eyes and blond hair.
Thank you for your question: Most folk round here think that Jessie is a card-carrying member of the NRA - and there's some talk of his having a contingency plan to overcome resistance when his customers will be taken up to see their cars, but this is a bone of contention and requires careful understanding.

When L started the business, he never intended a garage, it was a hobby. He had a couple of cars that he had built himself, and that was that. I’ve mentioned in my first post a couple of set-backs that required executive intervention and the resultant publicity sort of ”created” a business.

At first L was pretty “hands-on” but then later, after setting out the business model as a PowerPoint presentation in bullet points on the way back to Landover, he left much of the day-to-day stuff to old mechanics who knew how he thought. These mechanics all came from Landover and served the citizens of Landover only – there were no “out of town” customers.

There were a few out-of-towners who had either set up fake copy-cat business modeled on L & Son or who had attempted to take over L’s business, but they were dealt with in short order and none too gently.
Bringing Jessie into the business was a great idea to get the whole shebang back on track: but Jessie was under orders only to offer his guarantees to the folk of Landover: I myself heard him say, “I’m here only to offer this service to the folk born in Landover.”

He’s made the odd exception, but only for the best of reasons. So, to answer your question, “L & Son” have found it necessary from time to time to resist attempts to divert the business or put it in other hands. They have been effective in doing this and will continue to be.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
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Default Re: Businesses in Landover - 05-30-2015, 11:41 AM

Y...yes so I think you're saying probably Jessie does shoot bad people who hate him. I imagine with his successful business, he's making himself extremely rich and therefore has a lot of jealous enemies. Thank you for sharing his story with us - he sounds like a model Christian Republican. I love hearing about American Exceptunalism instead of the lamestream media's endless stream of negativity. Jessie reminds me of some of our greatest heros like John Galt and Donald Trump.

Another question I had about Jessie, I imagine he is a stand-on-your-own-2-feet kind of a guy, is that right? You know, like us Christians - no handouts and no free healthcare for the greedy poor.


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Default Re: Businesses in Landover - 05-30-2015, 01:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Another question I had about Jessie, I imagine he is a stand-on-your-own-2-feet kind of a guy, is that right? You know, like us Christians - no handouts and no free healthcare for the greedy poor.
I have heard rumors that Jessie, when he was young, used to mingle with some shady individuals (peasants, workers, even prostitutes), but that was a long time ago and now he is a perfectly respectable suburban middle class guy.
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Default Re: Businesses in Landover - 05-30-2015, 01:17 PM

I can confirm that Jessie is indeed amazing. His control of everything car related is astonishing. It's almost as if he created every car in existence from scratch. Dedicating your car's life to him and only to him is clearly the only option available to grant your car eternal life. Actually everyone who doesn't allow Jessie to take care of their car is an idiot and they will doom their car to the scrapyard. There is one thing you have to be careful about though. If your car contains insulting stickers, e.g. those inviting to vote for Hillary Clinton, he will send you away and you will never ever be allowed to return.


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To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: Businesses in Landover - 05-30-2015, 08:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Y...yes so I think you're saying probably Jessie does shoot bad people who hate him. I imagine with his successful business, he's making himself extremely rich and therefore has a lot of jealous enemies.
I don't think that Jessie is particularly rich. From what I know, his business bank account is modest and is kept in order by a friend called Judah. Judah's just someone who knows a bit about the value of money: Jessie calls him "my bagman". (Betweeen you and me though, L is the one with some wealth behind him, though it's all tied up in property - multistory properties. But the majority of even L's wealth is hidden away somewhere safe from damage and devaluation.)

Hey, if you're worried that L & Son will go bankrupt - this is a business filled with ideas - can ideas be bankrupt? I don't think so - you can always have another one.
Quote:
Another question I had about Jessie, I imagine he is a stand-on-your-own-2-feet kind of a guy, is that right? You know, like us Christians - no handouts and no free healthcare for the greedy poor.
A strange question. Don't you see that Jessie (and L) are into saving automobiles. Now, if you're talking instant repairs to old clunky cars and that unbeatable promise of full restoration - you're talking L & Son's language.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: Businesses in Landover - 05-30-2015, 09:08 PM

We're not based in Landover, as my dear husband still has work to complete in Godless England, so have to rely on local businesses. Luckily we have a couple of places run by people trained up by Jessie - Andy's is good for the low-end staff vehicles, but we take our own automobiles to Pete's place. Both are absolutely reliable. Expensive, of course, but worth every penny.

We've heard that they're losing business (i.e. being undercut) to a recent arrival in the area. Mo's is certainly cheap, or so we're told, but who wants to blow a gasket on the freeway?


Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Default Re: Businesses in Landover - 05-30-2015, 09:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
If your car contains insulting stickers, e.g. those inviting to vote for Hillary Clinton, he will send you away and you will never ever be allowed to return.
Thanks COM! You're right, I should have mentioned that.

I don't think it is unreasonable for L & Son to demand some sort of loyalty, do you? That Clinton woman isn't going to do much for you or your car (and I wouldn't want to clean the upholstery if her husband had been in there!) If your car starts using gallons of oil and you have taken it to some fly-by-night fraudster who did nothing, you shouldn't be surprised if L & Son don't want to pick up all the pieces, the work and the tab and stare at someone else's advertizing!

You keep well in with L & Son - and that means complying with all L & Son's rules all the time and being thus prepared for that inevitable scrapyard journey - and nothing is impossible.

I've just received an email from a young lady: She writes,

Dear Pastor Bathfire,

Thank you so much for telling me all about Jessie and his love of cars. Before I knew about him, I never checked the water, oil or tires. And I never thought of cleaning and polishing it. I just used it when I wanted and where I wanted, often driving too fast. But then, one night, after I had been racing it on the freeway, I was driving near the Old Bridge when suddenly the lights went out - I was completely blind! It was so dark that I could not even see my hand in front of my face. I was terrified! I did not know what to do! I was struggling to turn on my iPhone to post a status update on Facebook when suddenly I saw a group of men! They were strangely lit from above by a golden light. They came up to the car and one of the men said
- Jessie? Why have the lights gone out on that car? Has the driver been ignoring your advice, or have her parents ignored it?

And the tall, handsome one replied, "Neither this young lady nor her parents ignored advice but this happened so that the works of L &Son can be demonstrated by the car. As long as it is day, we must keep to L's rules. But night is here, when work is difficult and light is needed. While I am in Landover, I can fix everyone's lights.”
Then he reached on the ground and took a handful of dirt and spat on it. He smeared this stuff on the headlights and said
"Go to the John The Baptist Car Wash and have the full $20-worth"
I don't know how I got there, but when I came out, all the lights worked and the a/c was even colder!

I love Jessie!

Thank you Pastor!





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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