Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you). |
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On Extended Furlough
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,784
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 01:07 AM
Folks -
As recent events have demonstrated, Homers come in all different flavors.
Ted Haggard, a virulently anti-Homer evangelist, turned out to be having a gay old time with a male prostitute! An NBA star has revealed his secret identity as Butt-Man!
Indeed, the old days of looking for the man who helps your wife pick out clothes, or the woman who can fix your car, are over. Homerism has invaded every level of society, thanks to aggressive marketing campaigns telling all sorts of people that Homerism is HOT!
So, let's compile a list of the signs that a friend might just be a Homer, shall we? As they come in, we can discuss their validity, then add them to the list.
Men:
Obsession with sports, particularly those which involve men in tight clothing rolling about.
Excessive knowledge of Joan Crawford movies.
Collections of Barbie dolls, tools, or sex toys.
Bodybuilding
Regular camping trips or "Boys Nights Out"
Women:
Extreme masculinity or femininity (lipstick lesbianism)
Stuffing of pants with socks
Enjoyment of movies like Thelma and Louise
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 01:17 AM
Rat tails, shemullets and plaid shirts are often sign of lezbeans Brother.
Helpful, Sister Thumper
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Debate Moderator (and participant) Master Debater-- Has Never Been Defeated in a Debate Louder Than Reason
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,139
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 01:33 AM
If your son or daughter thinks that the comedy stylings of Ellen Degenerate is funny, they are most likely a homosexual.
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
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Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 02:01 AM
If you're in the Papist cult and are even considering a life of "celibacy", you're likely a homer. If you actually take the vow, then you're definitely a homer. I didn't know anyone who wasn't a dyke in the convent!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 217
Join Date: Oct 2006
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 02:19 AM
Drive foreign cars
Can't shoot straight
Don't know how to dress out a deer
Don't know how to change oil
Drink funny coffee (skinny flat what?)
Smell too purdy!
Can't keep their eyes above a man's belt buckle.
Sing Madonna songs (this makes me ill)
Investment Portfolio = Canned Goods, Automatic Weapons and a KJV1611 Bible!
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 09:13 AM
Barbera Streisand
Cher
Track Lighting
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,437
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Twenty minutes from hell- I mean Washington DC
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 10:41 AM
Belongs to the ACLU
Belongs to the Demoncratic party
Worries about their socks matching their shirt
Thinks euros are sexy
Sends flowers to their father for holidays
Wears thongs with dress pants (male)
Thinks freedom of speech includes performing felatio in public (male)
Thinks Hellary Clinton is feminine
"If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservant's do."
(Leviticus 21:6-7)
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 11:29 AM
Displays an obsession with destroying the holy sanctity of marriage and the family.
Likes wearing dresses (male) and throwing rocks at the police (male and female.)
Drinks cider (male and female.)
Engages in sodomy with members of the same sex.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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True Christian™ Entrepreneur
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,695
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Leviticus Landing Gated Community, Freehold IA
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 04:32 PM
Lips move along to the dialogue of The Wizard of Oz.
Has worn a scarf.
Takes the extra time to wash hands in public restrooms.
Raises gerbils.
Drives a car made in Europe or Japan.
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Suspected Belgian - treat with caution
Forum Member
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Posts: 130
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In a street with a Church!
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 04:48 PM
Is an evolutionist.
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On Extended Furlough
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,784
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 04:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance
Drinks cider (male and female.)
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Surely you don't mean that, BT!
Or is this one of those things that Pastor Zeke can do, too?
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Christian Poet Emeritus
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,694
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Near to Him
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 04:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Appelfap.
Is an evolutionist.
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Is Dutch
Last edited by Poetic Peter; 02-09-2007 at 04:51 PM.
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True Christian™ Entrepreneur
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,695
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Leviticus Landing Gated Community, Freehold IA
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 05:38 PM
Speaks French.
Pays more than $12 for a haircut.
Tips more than 15%.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 05:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wash O'Hanley
If your son or daughter thinks that the comedy stylings of Ellen Degenerate is funny, they are most likely a homosexual.
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Oh, GOD, could anyone be gay enough to think that?
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 06:13 PM
is a Demoncrap
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Christ's Love Messenger
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,978
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: A road of rocks and glass
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 06:18 PM
Screams when you throw a baseball at him.
Wears clogs.
Drives a meticuosly clean Toyota Echo.
Wants a Gamecube instead of an Xbox.
Hangs out with his grandmother a lot.
Wears a dress shirt with jeans.
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 06:36 PM
How could I forget?
Listens to the Scissor Sisters
Thinks "Spicy Orange" is an acceptable colour.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Suspected Belgian - treat with caution
Forum Member
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Posts: 130
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In a street with a Church!
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 06:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poetic Peter
Is Dutch
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Good that I'm not Dutch then
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 07:11 PM
wears pleather pants or shorts
listens to musical stylings such as Barry Manilow and Air Supply
Gets manicures
Shops at Ikea
Is good at arranging Flowers
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,555
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 07:13 PM
Wears a fanny pack.
Wears sandals.
Has long hair.
Has a mustache.
Clothes are loose and “romantic”
Clothes are too tight and reveling.
Shows little interest in women.
Shows excessive interest in women.
Has a high pitched voice.
Hair is excessively neat.
Comes from a country no American can find on a map.
Has weak wrists.
Wears pink shirts (because his wife "made" him)
Watches the Lifetime cable station.
Wife is aggressive and domineering.
Women enjoy his company and find him interesting.
Buys his cars because they are reliable and economical.
Lives in San Fransissyco (drag queen obsessed pervert)
Lives in London England (Royal Queen obsessed pervert)
Lives in Berlin, Germany (rubber obsessed pervert)
Lives in New York (Joo obsessed pervert)
Lives in Brussels, Belgium (vegetable obsessed pervert)
Any man who drinks tea mind as well have sucked on some guys unit.
The same with any guy who likes wine.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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