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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 129
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Under the Landover Baptist Church in the crypt
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SAVED! -
10-12-2007, 03:52 AM
Brethern & Sistern! I've been saved! After watching Deacon Fred's powerful sermon, the Lord came over me (Praise JESUS!). I've thrown off my turbin, sold my camels and tent and flew to Chicago. (A bit of trouble with security at Boston due to the halo around my head but it checked out with some godly Republican TSA reps).
I still get a slight twitch when I see pictures of AK47s and quiver with delight upon the fragrance of semtex lingering in my suitcase; anthrax powder? Not for me!
Praise JESUS, I've been saved!
Praise the Lord, PRAISE THE LORD!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: SAVED! -
10-12-2007, 04:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
Brethern & Sistern! I've been saved! After watching Deacon Fred's powerful sermon, the Lord came over me (Praise JESUS!). I've thrown off my turbin, sold my camels and tent and flew to Chicago. (A bit of trouble with security at Boston due to the halo around my head but it checked out with some godly Republican TSA reps).
I still get a slight twitch when I see pictures of AK47s and quiver with delight upon the fragrance of semtex lingering in my suitcase; anthrax powder? Not for me!
Praise JESUS, I've been saved!
Praise the Lord, PRAISE THE LORD!
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Yes, yes, that's all well and good. You can prove it by making a healthy love offering to Jesus right now via the Paypal button at the bottom of this page. With all that selling going on, I'm sure you won't mind coughing up enough to cover your years of blasphemey and unAmerican behavior. 
And don't think for a moment that the DOF is going to give you a free pass. You are being watched, camel boy. 
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Senior Usher
True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: SAVED! -
10-12-2007, 11:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Yes, yes, that's all well and good. You can prove it by making a healthy love offering to Jesus right now via the Paypal button at the bottom of this page. With all that selling going on, I'm sure you won't mind coughing up enough to cover your years of blasphemey and unAmerican behavior. |
Also, you'll have to give up on that hardline pro-sodomy Women's Liberation nonsense you towelheads are always yapping about.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
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Re: SAVED! -
10-13-2007, 07:41 AM
And you will have to give up your towel too, textile-face 
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 129
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Under the Landover Baptist Church in the crypt
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Re: SAVED! -
10-14-2007, 12:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Noddy
And you will have to give up your towel too, textile-face |
Sister in God Noddy! Indeed, gave up the towel, camel, goat meat, tent, semtex, AK47, all 72 virgins and mir.
Praise Jesus! Gave up slippers, traded them for Godly Doc Martins! I also titted to LB. It's important to tit, according to our Godly Pastor Al E Pistle. I'm sure you constantly tit.
Praise Jesus! I'm on my way from Chicago to Landover to help smack halloween demons!
Praise God, The Holy Ghost and Jesus, all at once!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
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Re: SAVED! -
10-14-2007, 01:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
Sister in God Noddy! Indeed, gave up the towel, camel, goat meat, tent, semtex, AK47, all 72 virgins and mir.
Praise Jesus! Gave up slippers, traded them for Godly Doc Martins! I also titted to LB. It's important to tit, according to our Godly Pastor Al E Pistle. I'm sure you constantly tit.
Praise Jesus! I'm on my way from Chicago to Landover to help smack halloween demons!
Praise God, The Holy Ghost and Jesus, all at once!
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Well, I must say you really sound full of enthusiasm, Brother Lindh! (no more towel-face)
... wishing you Godspeed on your journey to Landover, to join our GODLY demonbusters and zap those pesky little critters from hell!
(what's a tit?) 
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: SAVED! -
10-14-2007, 01:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Noddy
(what's a tit?)
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A Brit who doesn't tithe. 
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 129
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Under the Landover Baptist Church in the crypt
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Re: SAVED! -
10-15-2007, 12:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Noddy
Well, I must say you really sound full of enthusiasm, Brother Lindh! (no more towel-face)
... wishing you Godspeed on your journey to Landover, to join our GODLY demonbusters and zap those pesky little critters from hell!
(what's a tit?) |
Oop! I mean tithe. This word is not in the Q'ran and I'm adjusting to the more capitalist inclined KJV. 
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
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Re: SAVED! -
10-15-2007, 02:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
Oop! I mean tithe. This word is not in the Q'ran and I'm adjusting to the more capitalist inclined KJV. |
Yes indeed, Brother Lindh! You're adjusting to the more GODLY inclined KJV (that's the KJV1611, to be exact)
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 129
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Under the Landover Baptist Church in the crypt
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Re: SAVED! -
10-15-2007, 08:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Noddy
Yes indeed, Brother Lindh! You're adjusting to the more GODLY inclined KJV (that's the KJV1611, to be exact)
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Dear Godly Sister Noody! How come the Godly Pastors won't allow my picture on my posts? Other Unsaved Trash get their pictures! Praise Jesus!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 129
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Under the Landover Baptist Church in the crypt
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Re: SAVED! -
10-15-2007, 08:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Noddy
Yes indeed, Brother Lindh! You're adjusting to the more GODLY inclined KJV (that's the KJV1611, to be exact)
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Dear Godly Sister Noody! How come the Godly Pastors won't allow my picture on my posts? Other Unsaved Trash get their pictures! Praise Jesus!
Thank you! Praise Jesus!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 129
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Under the Landover Baptist Church in the crypt
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Re: SAVED! -
10-15-2007, 08:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
Dear Godly Sister Noody! How come the Godly Pastors won't allow my picture on my posts? Other Unsaved Trash get their pictures! Praise Jesus!
Thank you! Praise Jesus!
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This is a miracle! I asked Sister Noody why my picture wasn't posted and only seconds later, it appeared!
Sister Noody must be a gift from Jesus. Praise the Lord!
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Thank you Pastor Pistle!
Forum Member
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Posts: 969
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: bible belt land
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Re: SAVED! -
10-16-2007, 04:01 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
This is a miracle! I asked Sister Noody why my picture wasn't posted and only seconds later, it appeared!
Sister Noody must be a gift from Jesus. Praise the Lord!
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Good gravy!! I think you need to be saved every Sunday just lookin at ya! He does cure the blind and fugly. 
If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it. 
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
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Re: SAVED! -
10-16-2007, 05:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
This is a miracle! I asked Sister Noody why my picture wasn't posted and only seconds later, it appeared!
Sister Noody must be a gift from Jesus. Praise the Lord!
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Holy moly, Brother Lindh! Musta been JESUS who finally posted your picture! (after a moment of heavenly consideration)
Yoooooou might wanna consider some dental work on those fangs of yours, brother! Be sure to check out True Christian™ dentists, the hand of GOD himself guides their needles and their drills! Appearance is sooooo important at church when you first get Saved® 
Praise! Sister Noodle 
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: SAVED! -
10-16-2007, 06:37 AM
This is his real picture. I have no idea where that gothic corpse pic came from. JESUS protect me!
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 129
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Under the Landover Baptist Church in the crypt
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Re: SAVED! -
10-17-2007, 03:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Noddy
Holy moly, Brother Lindh! Musta been JESUS who finally posted your picture! (after a moment of heavenly consideration)
Yoooooou might wanna consider some dental work on those fangs of yours, brother! Be sure to check out True Christian™ dentists, the hand of GOD himself guides their needles and their drills! Appearance is sooooo important at church when you first get Saved®
Praise! Sister Noodle |
Hmmm. I found the fangs useful when trick or treaters come about. The little heathens usually leave quickly - except - perhaps a small fat one.
Praise Jesus!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 129
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Under the Landover Baptist Church in the crypt
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Re: SAVED! -
10-17-2007, 04:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
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Indeed, Godly Pastor Pistle, this is my picture. And, as you see, the Holy Ghost works in mysterious ways, placing a halo on me just recently. I figure it takes about 3 or 4 days for the Godly messages to get to and fro. It's a long ways up there. Praise Jesus!
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