General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 129
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Under the Landover Baptist Church in the crypt
|
|
A Complaining Jesus -
10-09-2007, 05:42 PM
Your Jesus did nothing but whine and complain for 30 some years. Not enough wine, not enough fish, not enough disciples, not enough foot oil, too many money changers in the temple, my ass is uncomfortable, too many harlots, the nails are painful, tomb doors too heavy, no one will believe me, blah, blah, blah. No doubt being sired by a ghost and getting squeezed out of a virgin had something to do with it, but come on, the True Prophet™ (pigs be upon him) never complained about anything.
That’s why we’re blowing up your cheaply constructed christian humy veez.
Praise Allah!
|
|
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
|
|
Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
|
|
Re: A Complaining Jesus -
10-09-2007, 05:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
Your Jesus did nothing but whine and complain for 30 some years. Not enough wine, not enough fish, not enough disciples, not enough foot oil, too many money changers in the temple, my ass is uncomfortable, too many harlots, the nails are painful, tomb doors too heavy, no one will believe me, blah, blah, blah. No doubt being sired by a ghost and getting squeezed out of a virgin had something to do with it, but come on, the True Prophet™ (pigs be upon him) never complained about anything.
That’s why we’re blowing up your cheaply constructed christian humy veez.
Praise Allah!
|
No one knows what "the prophet' (piss be upon him) said, except that, between diddling little girls, he mentioned that everything he heard was from SATAN.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
|
|
Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
|
|
Re: A Complaining Jesus -
10-09-2007, 06:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
Your Jesus did nothing but whine and complain for 30 some years. Not enough wine, not enough fish, not enough disciples, not enough foot oil, too many money changers in the temple, my ass is uncomfortable, too many harlots, the nails are painful, tomb doors too heavy, no one will believe me, blah, blah, blah. No doubt being sired by a ghost and getting squeezed out of a virgin had something to do with it, but come on, the True Prophet™ (pigs be upon him) never complained about anything.
That’s why we’re blowing up your cheaply constructed christian humy veez.
Praise Allah!
|
Your’ TRUE™ dark master tricked you into saying THE TRUTH™ on this one; all that proves is Mohamed was a tool of Satan since Mohamed saw nothing wrong with this world.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 129
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Under the Landover Baptist Church in the crypt
|
|
Re: A Complaining Jesus -
10-09-2007, 06:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
No one knows what "the prophet' (piss be upon him) said, except that, between diddling little girls, he mentioned that everything he heard was from SATAN.
|
Your "Security Supervisor" has good reason to be concerned here. Note one thing your Jesus never complained about – being blacker than the coals of your Wyoming. Our Inflatable Jesus works in Khartoum has been producing and shipping the Black Jesus your fat Pastor Deacon Fred is lathered up about (10% discount to your miserable Christian mercenaries in Iraq). Add that to your Sister Dhodi’s planned escape to our olive oil factory in Islamabad and you have the makings of a hijacking of the entire congregation.
Praise Allah!
|
|
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
|
|
Re: A Complaining Jesus -
10-09-2007, 06:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
Your Jesus did nothing but whine and complain for 30 some years. Not enough wine, not enough fish, not enough disciples, not enough foot oil, too many money changers in the temple, my ass is uncomfortable, too many harlots, the nails are painful, tomb doors too heavy, no one will believe me, blah, blah, blah. No doubt being sired by a ghost and getting squeezed out of a virgin had something to do with it, but come on, the True Prophet™ (pigs be upon him) never complained about anything.
That’s why we’re blowing up your cheaply constructed christian humy veez.
Praise Allah!
|
WHAT!! Are you trying to compare JESUS with a whiny, shrill, nitpicking Joooo woman?
I hope he smites you right now on the spot!
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 407
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: gods country, ozarks
|
|
Re: A Complaining Jesus -
10-09-2007, 07:18 PM
Your stupid Mohammad came many years after the true savior. He was cooked up by some arab who was to stupid to beleave in Jesus. So they created this false prophet. Given time his crap spread to all the non-white areas of the earth. The kill them all crap of the Koran played well with the ingnorant savages. So now we got all you mooselimbs.
|
|
Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
|
|
Re: A Complaining Jesus -
10-09-2007, 07:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
Your "Security Supervisor" has good reason to be concerned here. Note one thing your Jesus never complained about – being blacker than the coals of your Wyoming.
|
Jesus is white. It even says so in The Bible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
Our Inflatable Jesus works in Khartoum has been producing and shipping the Black Jesus your fat Pastor Deacon Fred is lathered up about (10% discount to your miserable Christian mercenaries in Iraq).
|
You're false Jesus is shipping what that has Pastor Deacon Fred upset? Pastor Jeb is the one who runs a the Coca Cola factory so he is the one who takes the gum Arabic shipments.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
Add that to your Sister Dhodi’s planned escape to our olive oil factory in Islamabad and you have the makings of a hijacking of the entire congregation.
Praise Allah!
|
No surprise you have guest workers. We already know that you would never find an actual Arab doing any work in any factory in an Arabic country. All we would need to do to bring the Muslim world to its knees is cut off the supply of Filipino workers.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
|
|
Re: A Complaining Jesus -
10-09-2007, 08:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
Your "Security Supervisor" has good reason to be concerned here. Note one thing your Jesus never complained about – being blacker than the coals of your Wyoming.
Our Inflatable Jesus works in Khartoum has been producing and shipping the Black Jesus your fat Pastor Deacon Fred is lathered up about (10% discount to your miserable Christian mercenaries in Iraq).
Add that to your Sister Dhodi’s planned escape to our olive oil factory in Islamabad and you have the makings of a hijacking of the entire congregation.
|
You have a lot of nerve, don't you, fabric-head ...
First, as our pastors have explained to you, Jesus is as white as the driven snow or a dove without blemish ...
Second, our GODLY Pastor Deacon Fred is not fat, you sand-crawling fool ...
Third, if 'Sister Dhodi' is supposed to be another misspelled version of my name, see my answer to you HERE!
... so there!
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
|
|
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
|
|
Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
|
|
Re: A Complaining Jesus -
10-09-2007, 08:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Noddy
You have a lot of nerve, don't you, fabric-head ...
First, as our pastors have explained to you, Jesus is as white as the driven snow or a dove without blemish ...
Second, our GODLY Pastor Deacon Fred is not fat, you sand-crawling fool ...
Third, if 'Sister Dhodi' is supposed to be another misspelled version of my name, see my answer to you HERE!
... so there!
|
What a wonderful, TRUE CHRISTIAN™ woman! If women can go to Heaven, Noddy will be there to slam the door in the face of Mother Theresa and the 72 muslim virgin camels.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 129
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Under the Landover Baptist Church in the crypt
|
|
Re: A Complaining Jesus -
10-09-2007, 10:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Noddy
You have a lot of nerve, don't you, fabric-head ...
First, as our pastors have explained to you, Jesus is as white as the driven snow or a dove without blemish ...
Second, our GODLY Pastor Deacon Fred is not fat, you sand-crawling fool ...
Third, if 'Sister Dhodi' is supposed to be another misspelled version of my name, see my answer to you HERE!
... so there!
|
Haa! See what Ali Piss el has said about you? "If women can get into (your slimy) Heaven…". From our tent (after being scrubbed clean and coated with olive oil), you would be vaulted to the higher ethers where you would await the pleasure of the camel drivers.
We offer the best terms in salvation to worn out old hags. None of this nonsense requiring licking the stinky feet of some dried up 2000 year-old black ass rider punched full of holes, blah blah.
Praise Allah!
|
|
Christ's Love Messenger
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,978
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: A road of rocks and glass
|
|
Re: A Complaining Jesus -
10-10-2007, 12:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
We offer the best terms in salvation to worn out old hags.
|
You offer salvation to men who screw donkeys and live in mudhuts you idiot. It's not like trying to get into Yale.
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|