[Ezekiel Bathfire]

The Kardashians

1. What is the name of Kourtney's boyfriend?

A Dave
B Marc
C Scott
D Andy

2. What is the name of the homeless man that Khloe helped?

A Borty
B Shorty
C Bert
D Barney

3. How many children do Bruce and Kris have all together?

A 10
B 9
C 12
D 8

4. What famous duo shares a name with two of the Kardashian kanines

A Dolce and Gabanna
B Viktor and Rolf
C Mary Kate and Ashley
D Benedict and Arnold

5. Who is the oldest Kardashian sister?

A Khloe
B Kendall
C Kim
D Kourtney

6. How did Kourtney give birth to her two kids?

A A private water birth at Quincy Jones' house
B A scheduled K-Section
C She pulled them out of her vagina on national television
D Squating in a stable near Bethlehem

The Bible

7. How many Philistine foreskins did Saul demand of David?

A None
B 76
C 100
D 144

8. What was Noah’s wife’s name?

A Deborah
B Joan of Ark
C Nobody knows, she was a woman and thus unimportant.
D Kim

9. Song:7:2 Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor:thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies.

Of whom was the writer speaking?
A King David
B Ephraim
C Ruth
D A princess

10. Why did the Syrophenician Greek woman approach Jesus?

A She was bleeding uncontrollably
B Her daughter was beset by a devil.
C Her husband was dead
D She had committed adultery

11. Why does God make people blind from birth?

A To punish their parents
B God doesn’t do this
C To show how powerful He is.
D Because they have sinned.

12. The Book of Jude has only one chapter who is Jude?

A The cousin of John
B The son of Paul
C The brother of James
D The father of Barnabus.

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>



The Kardashians:

1. C: Scott
2. B: Shorty
3. A: 10
4. A: Dolce and Gabanna
5. D: Kourtney
6. C: She pulled them out of her vagina on national television

The Bible:

7. C: 100: 1Sa:18:25 And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies.
8. C: Nobody knows, she was a woman and thus unimportant.
9. D: A princess Song:7:1 How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.
10. B: Her daughter was beset by a devil. M'r:7:26 The woman was a Greek, a Syrophenician by nation; and she besought him that he would cast forth the devil out of her daughter.
11. C: To show how powerful He is Joh:9:3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.
12. C: The brother of James: Jude:1:1 Jude, the servant of Jesus Christ, and brother of James,

All I am asking is that you look at the results, and then look into your soul.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Thank you, Brother Bathfire, for this very timely reminder of what we should be teaching our children.

I will test my brood on this tomorrow, but I can predict their response. For questions 1 through 6, it will be "What is a Kardashian?" I have to admit that I had to look the word up on the interweb - I assumed it was one of the tribes of Israel which God didn't think worth mentioning. I rather wish I hadn't looked it up, as I got a load of pictures of "Caitlyn" Jenner - as though I had not seen enough in the news.

As to the important questions, I suspect that only Hannah will be 100% certain of the answer to No. 9. She adores the Song and her favorite "party trick" is reciting it by heart, whether we ask her to or not. I can assure you that there will be big trouble if anyone gets any of the others wrong.

Thank you again for your diligence.

YiC
Joanna

[alooneymormon]

Pastor Bathfire-- I believe those children fell out of Kim Kardashians enormous vagina.

[Elmer G. White]

Thank you, Brother for the quiz. However, while the Bible part was suitably easy even for Ladies I found the first part most complicated. First of all, I still don't really know who the Cardahsers are. Now that their name has been repeatedly brought up by True Christian™ Brethren, I feel it's my duty to examine them in detail in the future. I am just hoping (and fairly certain) that the future is going to be very short (come the Rapture) so I can avoid this cumbersome and possibly unpleasant task. Still, I've allocated some hours next September to study the antics of this family. It's in my calendar and I'll return to the quiz thereafter hoping to do better.

Loved the Noah question. One of my favorite passages in the Bible all time.

Genesis 7:22
All in whose nostrils was the breath of life, of all that was in the dry land, died.




Such a sobering reminder for sinners of the shape of things to come once more with the Tribulations.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Pastor Ezekiel]

What are "The Kardashans?" A kind of insect?

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

What are "The Kardashans?" A kind of insect?

I think it's some kind of middle eastern dung beetle...?

[Regis Alexandrus]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

What are "The Kardashans?" A kind of insect?

They are a trio of useless, worthless, and talentless tanorexic bimbos who crave attention just like the cast of Jersey Shore before it was thankfully cancelled. Mainstream America idolizes deviants of all genres even though we are not to have any gkd before the Lord, as the First Commandment tells us. Such false idols lead sovieties to fall into
sin and to forsake God as Jeremiah 10 tells us.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Professor White,

I must admit that I was lost too. I had assumed that "Kim" (the one I now learn is most discussed) was, in fact a mispronunciation of the biblical Hebrew "הוּם" meaning "noisy" (See Strong's at http://biblehub.com/hebrew/1949.htm) in which the initial "ה" has been over-emphasized as a voiceless fricative, similar to the "ch" sound in the Scottish "loch".

In a remarkable coincidence, I had also always thought that Kardashian was the type of woman described in Eze:23:20 - and after a little disturbing research, I see I have that one right.

[S4NT4L0V3R]

If the Kardashians were men I would be on that, he heh

[Alvin Moss]

Originally Posted by S4NT4L0V3R

If the Kardashians were men I would be on that, he heh

I bid you a cautious welcome, Santa. You have chosen a strange identifying title for yourself. Santa Claus is a satanic attempt to lure the youth into the service of the Devil. I find it unusual that a Christian would adopt that name. Are you saved, or what?

[Roland]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

The Kardashians

I lost interest after question five. I Didn´t know the answer to any of the questions, that might have contributed to me not reading the rest of your post.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

You may wish to know that not knowing about the Kardashians is probably salvific.

[Elmer G. White]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

Professor White,

I must admit that I was lost too. I had assumed that "Kim" (the one I now learn is most discussed) was, in fact a mispronunciation of the biblical Hebrew "הוּם" meaning "noisy" (See Strong's at http://biblehub.com/hebrew/1949.htm) in which the initial "ה" has been over-emphasized as a voiceless fricative, similar to the "ch" sound in the Scottish "loch".

In a remarkable coincidence, I had also always thought that Kardashian was the type of woman described in Eze:23:20 - and after a little disturbing research, I see I have that one right.

Brother Pastor Bathfire,

Thank you for your kind explanation that spared me the bothersome task of conducting a full Creation Scientific study about these sinners! However, I chose to go through the more rapid procedure of anagrammatics, a subdiscipline of Creation Science, that reveals hidden, subliminal but ultimately significant messages in words.

Kardashian. By re-arranging the letters we get "an AIDS-shark".

Sweet Jesus Christ our Savior! This is BAD. It indicates that these are actually demons that spread the AIDS contagion. As we know, the only way to get infected with the AIDS demon is sodomy, either actual same-sex fornication or lustful thougts about conjugal relations between two men. We must fight this plague.

Revelation 18:4
And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.

The only way is to accept Jesus and memorize the Bible. All sinners should try out your quiz (i.e., the easy part with the Biblical questions) and lest they err even in one question, it means that they still have a long way to go in the narrow path of repentance.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

I don't think anyone has seen images of Jesus ever appear on Kim Kardashian's enormous butt.