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Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade Jesus macht frei
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,914
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Black Forrest, Germany
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Is this a Christian Product? -
05-06-2015, 03:52 PM
I think it has its advantages. If u want to be sure to not touch stuff that is filthy...
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Warning: In case of Rapture, this account will be unmanned.
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Posts: 7,220
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Is this a Christian Product? -
05-06-2015, 08:33 PM
I don't know Brother Templeton.....it kind of looks sinful to me. However, in the Creeser household, we've never used toilet paper.
Matthew 15:17-20
17 Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out into the draught?
18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.
19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:
20 These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Is this a Christian Product? -
05-06-2015, 09:17 PM
We don't use paper products in the Etheldreda home. Instead we use reusable cloth for all our hygienic needs. As dedicated preppers (prepared for any and all emergencies, such as Obama invading states like Texas), we are equipped to handle living "off the grid," and refuse to be dependent upon Chinese slave labor (we prefer prison labor - keeping the profits at home).
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: Is this a Christian Product? -
05-07-2015, 12:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
we are equipped to handle living "off the grid," and refuse to be dependent upon Chinese slave labor (we prefer prison labor - keeping the profits at home).
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Chinese slave labor is such a cruel practice, mainly because the Chinese are so small. It makes much more sense to use buck nigras since they were descended from Canaan.
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Serving Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
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Re: Is this a Christian Product? -
05-07-2015, 12:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
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Yes, the truth has come to light. The schemes of the Yankees can not be long hid. Our governor here in Texas is on to these heathens and he has bid the Texas National Guard to look into these crimes and keep an eye on the Yankees. If they try any monkey business, they will get a taste of God's wrath and the wrath of the Texans thrown in for good measure. God is on our side.
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
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Re: Is this a Christian Product? -
05-07-2015, 01:10 AM
I can't see why you'd want to use toilet paper on your back - "it's as easy to use as a shower brush".
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Is this a Christian Product? -
05-07-2015, 02:45 AM
I don't need such devilish devices. That's what my 14 year old Indonesian houseboy is for.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: Is this a Christian Product? -
05-07-2015, 06:17 AM
I'm extremely suspicious of this device. Consider those mechanical "fingers" on the end and what use the homers would put it to in giving themselves anal pleasures. And Lord knows what perversions the lezbeans would come up with.
If we had a True Christian™ in the White House he would instruct the Consumer Product Safety Commission to pull the product from the market.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology) Victim of atheist scientific persecution
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Posts: 10,337
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: On a mission in Godless Europistan
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Re: Is this a Christian Product? -
05-07-2015, 06:50 AM
One of the most revolting signs of the End of Days is that the Biblical advice on restroom manners has been all but forgotten. I am certain that with a proper Biblical diet of clean meats the intestinal contents would be of a consistency that is just of the correct viscosity and firmness to pass the unfortunate but necessary anal canal without staining the surrounding skin at all. Thus, all use of paper or other appliances can be avoided.
In addition, the proper way of going to the restroom is to select a spot that is a proper distance from the house and dig a hole with a paddle, squat there (thus, your gluteal region is spread sufficiently wide to allow for the non-staining passage of the intestinal contents, again, making restroom paper unnecessary). The hole can them be covered until next time.
Deuteronomy 23:12-13:
Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad: And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:
This is what I do at home and I've taught this method also to my sons.
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Is this a Christian Product? -
05-07-2015, 07:10 AM
Seems un-necessary, but I do want the suction cup handle that is advertised at the end of the video. If anyone gets one of them and doesn't need it, please send me a P.M.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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