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Andrew Barrick's Avatar
Andrew Barrick Andrew Barrick is offline
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Default Re: I need advice - 10-15-2007, 04:12 PM

Pastor Zeke confronted me and now I'm back. There was no others. I'm truly sorry. I even became a real American by saying the following True prayer of salvation:
Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you for not killing me before I had a chance to accept you as my Personal Savior.
I believe that Liberals and Democrats are under the control of Satan and his sneering minions, the educated and the well-traveled.
I do not want to be tossed into the incandescent flames of the sadistic hell you created for those who did not vote for George W. Bush or waiver in their faith by questioning the honesty, competence or syntax of Jesus' anointed.
Please Lord Jesus, I want to become a True RepublicanTM and a Real AmericanTM. I accept you as my Lord and Savior.
I believe You died for my sins and rose on the third day and floated off to your invisible, exquisitely decorated mansion in the Holy Ghost's subdivision in the clouds while an audience of early Republican prophets looked on.
I believe that in voting Republican, I am doing the implacable will of God.
I long to join my brother in Christ, George W. Bush, and every single True ChristianTM who voted for Him.
I understand that all of America's problems began when we allowed ourselves to be seduced by the pinko, pacifistic false version of Jesus found in the New Testament, letting non-Protestant foreign trash into Your divine nation and squandering time we could have been at war trying to make peace with perfectly good enemies, before renewing our hearts and joyously embracing Republican Christianity's new improved, steroid-engorged version of Jesus Christ.
I want to help eliminate the deadly disease of liberalism and assist my President and Your appointed servant on Earth to help rebuild this country into the Glorious Christian Nation it once was on the rocky shores of Puritan New England in the late 1600's.
I gladly tithe my mind and no less than 10% of my paycheck, renouncing the demons of logic and education for they will no longer hold sway in my heart, as I now have both Mr. Bush and Mr. Jesus as my co-redeemers! Amen!
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Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb View Post
Don't take advice from these doorknobs.
Get out of here you hippie homer! You're probably so strung out on LSD that you can't form a coherent sentence, let alone know what you're typing!

Quote:
Son, be honest now. Have you ever even heard of a joo who wasn't niggardly, and penny-pinching?
Hmmm...you're right. No surprise there though. Those terms of service are no problem now. Sorry all. I hope you can forgive me.

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Originally Posted by Sister Noddy View Post
This is good news Andrew, we are waiting to hear. How are things going at that lieberal public school you attend? Have your friends dropped you like a hot potato? Are heathens and wiccans starting to look at you funny, and avoid you in the corridors and cafeteria? Do students and teachers now ignore you in the classrooms? If the answer is yes, then you know you are on the long road to salvation in Jesus! Praise!
Absolutely! Everything you mentioned! Isn't it wonderful! I'm so glad that I get to spread the good news that if they don't get saved, I won't have to see them ever again for, well, eternity. Praise!
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Pastor Al E Pistle's Avatar
Pastor Al E Pistle Pastor Al E Pistle is offline
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Default Re: I need advice - 10-15-2007, 05:57 PM

JESUS triumphs once again, as though the eventual outcome were ever in doubt. PRAISE!


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Andrew Barrick's Avatar
Andrew Barrick Andrew Barrick is offline
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Default Re: I need advice - 10-15-2007, 07:19 PM

Agreed Pastor. Who would ever consider questioning Jesus with such things as "logic" or "education"? Liberal homers, that's who.
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Sister Noddy Sister Noddy is offline
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Default Re: I need advice - 10-15-2007, 07:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Barrick View Post

Agreed Pastor. Who would ever consider questioning Jesus with such things as "logic" or "education"? Liberal homers, that's who.
This is absolutely true, Andrew! Praise!

For when we fall into error in turning to human logic or education, or worldly knowledge, this is what GOD has to say ...

Isaiah 29:14 Therefore, behold, I will proceed to do a marvellous work among this people, even a marvellous work and a wonder: for the wisdom of their wise men shall perish, and the understanding of their prudent men shall be hid.



1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Buford T Scoggins's Avatar
Buford T Scoggins Buford T Scoggins is offline
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Buford T Scoggins has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBuford T Scoggins has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBuford T Scoggins has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBuford T Scoggins has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBuford T Scoggins has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBuford T Scoggins has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBuford T Scoggins has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBuford T Scoggins has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBuford T Scoggins has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBuford T Scoggins has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBuford T Scoggins has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: I need advice - 10-16-2007, 07:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Barrick View Post
Agreed Pastor. Who would ever consider questioning Jesus with such things as "logic" or "education"? Liberal homers, that's who.
Amen, Brother Andrew. I personally think that all our problems in this country started when the liberals introduced sex "education" into the schools. Predictably, the result was to spread homerism, AIDS, abortion and stem cell research throughout the nation.

I, myself, barely escaped. I too was "educated." I studied science, evolution, and was taught about birth control in "Health" class. Fortunately, the electroshock therapy I received at the Happydale Asylum for the Severely Disturbed erased all that evil from my mind, along with most of my memory.

However, not everyone is so lucky as me. For most children, daily exposure to liberal teachers continues to pour evil into their impressionable young minds. Therefore, we must fight back. President Bush has helped enormously with his "No Child Left Behind" strategy, a ingenious plan that is slowly destroying the communist public school system. But at the individual level, the only way to combat the liberal plot of "education" is through book burning, home schooling, and (most importantly) accepting Jesus.

YIC,
Buford

the LORD said unto me, Gather me the people together, and I will make them hear my words, that they may learn to fear me all the days that they shall live upon the earth, and that they may teach their children.
- Deuteronomy, 4:10


yours in Christ,
Brother Buford



The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.
- Rush Limbaugh
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