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Landover Baptist Lounge Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!)

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Titus Templeton's Avatar
Titus Templeton Titus Templeton is offline
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Jesus macht frei
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Default TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 06:06 PM

Rules are simple. No posting twice in a row and you can ONLY POST one sentence.
Let's make a good Christian Story!

Ok lets start:


Turning my back on God, even for that one instant, was the biggest mistake of my life.
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Smile Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 06:13 PM

I was poor, lonely and wallowing in sin as the result of that one cursed deed.
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 07:28 PM

Beaten and bruised, I had nowhere left to turn.
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Dr Laurence Niles Dr Laurence Niles is offline
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 07:47 PM

I stumbled to the large double doors, they were locked.
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 07:49 PM

Before Jesus showed me the way by shining his white hot Christian love into my black and shriveled heart, I was a disgusting, drug addicted fag who had sex with countless anonymous men, one of whom actually sustained fatal injuries due the crazed anal assault that I and a vicious gang of frenzied sodomite perverts unleashed upon him.


Professor of Creation Science at Landover Baptist University



Sodomites! Stop being gay TODAY!

Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21
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Smile Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 08:13 PM

I collapsed infront of the large building, semen in my hair and cocaine under my nose, and I looked up to see it signed as a church.
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 08:13 PM

A True Christian™ going into the church had enough love and compassion for me to tell me that I was a revolting sinner who deserved to be tortured eternally.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 08:31 PM

I begged for him to shower my beaten body with the word of the Lord, to have him come onto me and show me the way!
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 08:36 PM

When the beating was finished, Jesus's love erupted over me, blinding mine eyes.
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 08:40 PM

I felt his LOVE wash over me, coating me in it, I couldn't see but I could hear the True Christian Praising the Lord!
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 09:48 PM

I kept swallowing Jesus' LOVE until I was glowing like Revelation 1:15.


I Jesus!
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 10:46 PM

The cock crew twice Mark 14:72
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Smile Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 10:56 PM

As I bathed in my religious revelation, the church goer unlocked the doors to the building and took me inside...
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 01-31-2012, 11:22 PM

…weeping …sneezing
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 02-01-2012, 12:54 AM

And he said to me, "Have you heard about a man named Jesus?"


II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power



The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 02-01-2012, 01:11 AM

He said that the Pastor would love to fill me with Jesus' Word and Love as well and I should get on my knees.
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Pastor Isaac Peters Pastor Isaac Peters is offline
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 02-01-2012, 01:23 AM

He said, "Once we've baptized you and set up a tithing plan for you, you'll be part of our loving church family."


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Professor Bessemer Professor Bessemer is offline
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 02-01-2012, 01:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor Bessemer View Post
Before Jesus showed me the way by shining his white hot Christian love into my black and shriveled heart, I was a disgusting, drug addicted fag who had sex with countless anonymous men, one of whom actually sustained fatal injuries due the crazed anal assault that I and a vicious gang of frenzied sodomite perverts unleashed upon him.
I would just like take this opportunity to apologize for the fact that when I made my previous post in this thread, I completely misunderstood the concept of the thread. I thought Brother Titus wanted us to tell a true story about our own lives as Christians in one sentence. Please ignore the above post.

And if I could, I would like to add the following to this thread:

I thanked for his kindness and then I knelt before him and begged him to ask Jesus to forgive me for all the anuses I had so violently plundered, and for all the penises I had allowed to penetrate my now ruined colon.


Professor of Creation Science at Landover Baptist University



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Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 02-01-2012, 01:55 AM

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Originally Posted by Professor Bessemer View Post
I thanked for his kindness and then I knelt before him and begged him to ask Jesus to forgive me for all the anuses I had so violently plundered, and for all the penises I had allowed to penetrate my now ruined colon.
He replied, "Open, Brother, and receive the white-hot Love of Jesus!"


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Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story - 02-01-2012, 03:37 AM

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Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
He replied, "Open, Brother, and receive the white-hot Love of Jesus!"
The men's Bible Study group then adjourned from their session, gathered in a circle around me and commenced to lay hands upon me.



II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power



The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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