Landover Baptist Lounge Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!) |
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Ex-prostitute on her knees for the Lord Now that she's Saved©, Priceless
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,017
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Wherever Jesus takes me
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Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-05-2011, 09:52 PM
- Praising God.
- Meeting an angel.
- Watching sinners burn!
- Praising Jesus.
- Not having genitalia.
- Watching the End of Days.
- Meeting Ronald Reagan.
- Laughing at all the girls who ever called me "Bike" in high school as they burn (I hated that nickname)!
- Not needing beatings any more; at that point, I'll be perfect!
- Bringing Jesus a beer.
- Spitting into the Lake of Fire.
- Reading the Bible
- Asking Jeffrey Dahmer a few questions
- Hanging out with God, Jesus, angels and True Christians™!
- Watching Eve burn.
How about you guys?
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,424
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-05-2011, 10:15 PM
- No dogs.
- No women.
- No democrats.
- No Prius drivers.
- No sex.
- No retards.
- No taxes.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Landover Senior Outreach Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,237
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Freehold Senior Estates
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-05-2011, 10:18 PM
I'm hoping I can bomb heathen scum with Bibles to knock some sense into them before it's too late. Nothing like coming to with a mild concussion to see a KJV1611 next to you on the pavement as a message from above.
Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
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With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,779
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-05-2011, 10:28 PM
Seeing Jesus!
Looking down on the screaming Peter Popoff.
Seeing how many nazis repented and accepted Jesus and seeing what they are going to do with no jews around.
YiC
Jack
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,442
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-05-2011, 11:12 PM
Joining the Godly Eunuch Choir!
Posted via Mobile Device
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-05-2011, 11:35 PM
Attending Christ's eternal barbecue party.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-05-2011, 11:38 PM
- Praising God
- Eating from the tree of life, God's fruit-of-the-month club (Rev. 22:2)
- Watching homosexuals bob up and down in the lake of fire
- Praising God some more
- Watching Catholics bob up and down in the lake of fire
- Walking the streets of gold
- Praising God still more
- Neither marrying nor being given in marriage (Luke 20:35)
- Being given a crown, only to cast it before the Throne
- Spending 100 trillion years praising God non-stop, and knowing that I've hardly even begun
- Watching dotheads who never heard of Jesus while they were alive bob up and down in the lake of fire
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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One of the Lord's Airborne Rangers Salvation from Above God's Favorite Pilot™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,282
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Flying the Friendly Skies for Jesus!
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-06-2011, 03:30 AM
I forget who said it, it was a few years ago at a Prayer Circle, but one of the Brothers here mentioned something he was looking forward to doing and it has always stuck with me. It may have been Brother Fore, or it could have been Brother Jones, I really don't remember.
Whoever it was said he was looking forward to living in his solid gold mansion, and that he wanted it to have an enormous ivory swimming pool in the backyard. He said he was going to have God stock the pool with whales, and he was going to hunt them with gold harpoons.
I know it's stealing someone else's idea, but it just sounds so great, that I'm going to do just that as soon as I get into Heaven. I'm gonna have God build me a humungous ivory swimming pool, and I'm gonna have him fill it with all kinds of whales, and I'm gonna run up and down the edges of that huge pool, hucking gold harpoons at those stupid whales. I can't wait, it's gonna be totally sweet!
Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!
God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!
Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,442
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-06-2011, 03:36 AM
Being the boot that stamps on the face of the damned...forever
Also, Margarita Mondays
Posted via Mobile Device
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Liebral Girlie-Man
Forum Member
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Posts: 163
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: a pedestrian-friendly community near main campus
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-06-2011, 06:45 PM
Seeing all people reach the Kingdom of Heaven and be united with Mother/Father God.
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-06-2011, 07:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darren Ingram-Myers
Seeing all people reach the Kingdom of Heaven and be united with Mother/Father God.
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You make Heaven sound like riding coach with a bunch of foul-smelling foreigners.
I'm glad you're mistaken!
Yours in Christ,
Z. Smyth
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,442
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-06-2011, 08:56 PM
Being reunited with all that money I've tithed over the years... With COMPOUND INTEREST!!!! $$$$$$$
Posted via Mobile Device
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Electrified by Jesus
Forum Member
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Posts: 95
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mom's basement
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-06-2011, 09:29 PM
Playing ANY video game in GOD MODE!
Bob's mom: "Bob is 'special' and unemployed but otherwise a catch!"
John 20:29: "...blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed."
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 44
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Earth
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-06-2011, 09:52 PM
- Lots of hot and sexy women
- Immortality
- being rich
- looking at what the people on earth are doing
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-07-2011, 05:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter
I'm hoping I can bomb heathen scum with Bibles to knock some sense into them before it's too late. Nothing like coming to with a mild concussion to see a KJV1611 next to you on the pavement as a message from above.
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Brother Harold, you've been reading the accounts of the Indianapolis Bible Rains of 2010, haven't you? When sinners on West Market Street were struck by falling KJVs? Dozens were converted that fine day, and . . . well, several met Jesus Himself in person.
My congregation and I had nothing to do with it. We were, however, blessed to be staying on the top floor of the downtown Hilton when the miracle occurred, and we were able to run outside and witness to the people outside just after the Bible Rain.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serpent
- Lots of hot and sexy women
- Immortality
- being rich
- looking at what the people on earth are doing
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I think you missed that whole "not having genitalia" thing. Oh, and the fact that you will own nothing; all the wealth is God's, and you will spend your time worshiping Him and praising Him for being perfect.
You won't be looking at what people on Earth are doing; see Ecclesiastes 9.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Ms. Sham Wow 2011
Forum Member
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Posts: 263
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Defeated, TN
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-12-2011, 04:28 PM
All the little debbie's i can eat.
Genesis 1:24
And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind: and it was so."
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Tin Tither
True Christian™
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Posts: 234
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: pastors garage
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-12-2011, 04:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Born Again Bob
Being reunited with all that money I've tithed over the years... With COMPOUND INTEREST!!!! $$$$$$$
Posted via Mobile Device
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Amen to that Mr. Bob Sir that and not having to work so hard to keep up on my tithing and pay for my ungreatful wife and kids and maybe an angel will bring me a beer whenever i wnat one and not give me all kinds of lip like debbie.
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Claims not to be a dago slut Unintelligible motor-mouthed Spaniardess; earplugs advised
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Posts: 1,307
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Alcoy, Spain
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-12-2011, 05:09 PM
I'm look forward to a nice temperature where it never get too hot so I can wear nice warn clothese and jerseys cos I like the feel of wool and be nice and warm - I'm tired of the hot summers here and I always have to wear no heavy clothes like off shoulder tops and thin blouses of silk and short pijamas for not get my skin all hot and too perspiring - so I would like a constant 18 to 22 degree Celsius for be nice and warm and no like here where I am always having the perverted men looking me the chest (cos mine are quite prominents unfortunately so they attract attention if I'm do jogging or even walk along the street with a thin top on) and in the Heaven that won't be a problem and I can be happy and worhsip God all time.
YIC, Mari.
Ex JW and quiet, shy, timid girl who wants to be a True Cristian Lady.
My favorite verse from the Bible is:
- A true WITNESSE deliuereth soules: but a deceitfull WITNESSE speaketh lyes.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 145
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Godless Europistan
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-12-2011, 05:43 PM
In the Heaven, I will see my dog
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,424
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: Things you're looking forward to in Heaven. -
05-12-2011, 05:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul999
In the Heaven, I will see my dog
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Dog's and women don't go to Heaven. Only men go to Heaven.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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