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Default Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 12:25 AM

There are SO MANY to choose from, but if you could have witnessed just one of GOD's amazing displays of heroism and judgment in the Bible, which would it be?

I know what I would have wanted to witness: GOD's magnificent slaughter of Egypt's first born sons. I would run door to door laughing and pointing at fathers and mothers cradling the cold, limp bodies of their children in their arms, weeping and crying, only to tell them if their Pharaoh hadn't been such an atheist, their kids would still be alive!

Glory!



The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
- Proverbs 15:3

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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 12:51 AM

Four words, "Jawbone of an Ass"

That says it all, three D special effects, all that. To be there and see that jawbone in action and the blood flying and heads being liberated from bodies, and WOW! It must have been like the 4th of July but blood making those sparks fly!

Quote:
"15": And he found a new jawbone of an ass, and put forth his hand, and took it, and slew a thousand men therewith.
That's from:
Judges, chapter 15


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 12:52 AM

I would dearly love to have seen the look on Saul's face when David showed up with not one hundred, but TWO HUNDRED foreskins of Philistines!

I wonder if they were delivered with some Philistine clams, as well?



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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 03:42 AM

Mine would not be so "Steven Spielberg" in nature. No amazing feats with amazing background music. Mine would be more simple.

I will take Genesis. Right between 2 and 3. Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Happy. Everything perfect and as God had planned for it to be. No sin had been committed. No shame. Plenty of warm sun and cool grass.

Perfection.

Yup, I'd love to experience that...
-ND
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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 04:05 AM

I would love to see Jesus from the Book of Revelation, all badass with firey eyes and a sword for a tongue, unleashing untold woe and death and agony upon the people of the world:

Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him, and they also which pierced him: and all kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him.... I saw seven golden candlesticks; And in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a golden girdle. His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire; And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters. And he had in his right hand seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp twoedged sword: and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength. And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last: I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death. Revelation 1:7-18

It almost makes me wish I wasn't going to be raptured out before that happens.


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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 04:21 AM

I'd just like to see God rain fire on non-belivers or complaining believers. I am a little unclear on the physics of the phenomenon mostly, but it would be nice to see a few people who had really angered God get what was coming to them.



The sun was risen upon the earth when Lot entered into Zoar.

Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;

And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground
.

Genesis 19:23-25




The LORD trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth.

Upon the wicked he shall rain snares, fire and brimstone, and an horrible tempest: this shall be the portion of their cup.

For the righteous LORD loveth righteousness; his countenance doth behold the upright.


Psalm 11:5-7





And I will call for a sword against him throughout all my mountains, saith the Lord GOD: every man's sword shall be against his brother.

And I will plead against him with pestilence and with blood; and I will rain upon him, and upon his bands, and upon the many people that are with him, an overflowing rain, and great hailstones, fire, and brimstone.

Thus will I magnify myself, and sanctify myself; and I will be known in the eyes of many nations, and they shall know that I am the LORD.


Ezekiel 38:21-23




And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp.

And the people cried unto Moses; and when Moses prayed unto the LORD, the fire was quenched.

And he called the name of the place Taberah: because the fire of the LORD burnt among them
.

Numbers 11:1-3


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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 04:40 AM

One word: She-bears!

Quote:
2 Kings 2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
2:24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
2:25 And he went from thence to mount Carmel, and from thence he returned to Samaria.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 06:55 AM

The flood - watching it rain until the waters covered the tallest mountains (more water than the Earth even contains, AMEN! What a miracle). Watching every man woman, child and animal (but miraculously enough, not the plants, not even the olive tree...) drown as the waters slowly poured down and devoured them.

God is so wonderful. He could have just killed all the people in an instant with his power, but chose to do it as spectacularly as possible!

And seeing two of every animal and 8 humans on a huge boat would be an awesome sight, too.
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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 08:01 AM

I think it would have been so sweet to get to see the baby Jesus! Babies are soooooooo cute! The way they look at you, with their eyes all googily and blue and they're sooo tiny with their tiny little hands!

And imagine, not only is it a super cute baby, and you're in olden times with all the wisemen and stuff, but it's Jesus too!

I mean seriously, how cool would it be to get to actually HOLD the baby Jesus!?! Like on your lap and everything!!!!!

My cousin had a little girl last year and that was pretty cool, but seriously, Jesus? I mean come on! That would be like the coolest thing EVER!




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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 10:15 AM

I don't know what my Godly Brethren are thinking. The Bible teaches us againa nd again about the goodness of slaughtering God's enemies. But it doesn't teach us as much about the evil ways of sexual gratification.

Quote:
Ezekiel 23:18-20
18So she discovered her whoredoms, and discovered her nakedness: then my mind was alienated from her, like as my mind was alienated from her sister.
19Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt.
20For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.
A woman who "discovers her whoredoms" and who takes on many men with genitals the size of donkeys and who ejaculate as much as horses do? I think I could learn how to avoid such women better if I could observe this Biblical event.



(Maybe it would have helped me avoid marrying my third ex-wife!)


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Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 10:46 AM

I would have loved to see the look on the face of that fig tree!

Mark 11:21
And Peter calling to remembrance saith unto him, Master, behold, the fig tree which thou cursedst is withered away.

Jesus always wins!



Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 11:00 AM

Here is my favorite miracle, and what a sight it must have been! God stops the sun and the moon!

Jos:10:10: And the LORD discomfited them before Israel, and slew them with a great slaughter at Gibeon, and chased them along the way that goeth up to Beth-horon, and smote them to Azekah, and unto Makkedah.
Jos:10:11: And it came to pass, as they fled from before Israel, and were in the going down to Beth-horon, that the LORD cast down great stones from heaven upon them unto Azekah, and they died: they were more which died with hailstones than they whom the children of Israel slew with the sword.
Jos:10:12: Then spake Joshua to the LORD in the day when the LORD delivered up the Amorites before the children of Israel, and he said in the sight of Israel, Sun, stand thou still upon Gibeon; and thou, Moon, in the valley of Ajalon.
Jos:10:13: And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. Is not this written in the book of Jasher? So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day.
Jos:10:14: And there was no day like that before it or after it, that the LORD hearkened unto the voice of a man: for the LORD fought for Israel.

There is so much here; there is
(i)The Wrath of The Lord of Hosts in His Destruction of His Enemies
(ii)“slew them with a great slaughter” and “smote them to Azekah” (truly poetic language)
(iii)“great stones from heaven”
(iv)There is proof that the earth is the center of the universe and that the sun revolves around it.
(v)There is the mighty miracle, for despite stopping the sun, which weighs over 500 tons and is made of burning coal, the physics of the universe remained the same.
(vi)There is mention of “The Book of Jasher” (beware of forgeries.)





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 12:35 PM

It gets better than that. God actually made the sun move backward in the sky. It was so wonderful that the Bible describes it twice.

2 Kings 20:8-11: And Hezekiah said unto Isaiah, What [shall be] the sign that the LORD will heal me, and that I shall go up into the house of the LORD the third day? And Isaiah said, This sign shalt thou have of the LORD, that the LORD will do the thing that he hath spoken: shall the shadow go forward ten degrees, or go back ten degrees? And Hezekiah answered, It is a light thing for the shadow to go down ten degrees: nay, but let the shadow return backward ten degrees. And Isaiah the prophet cried unto the LORD: and he brought the shadow ten degrees backward, by which it had gone down in the dial of Ahaz.

Isaiah 38:4-8: Then came the word of the LORD to Isaiah, saying, Go, and say to Hezekiah, Thus saith the LORD, the God of David thy father, I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will add unto thy days fifteen years. And I will deliver thee and this city out of the hand of the king of Assyria: and I will defend this city. And this [shall be] a sign unto thee from the LORD, that the LORD will do this thing that he hath spoken; Behold, I will bring again the shadow of the degrees, which is gone down in the sun dial of Ahaz, ten degrees backward. So the sun returned ten degrees, by which degrees it was gone down.


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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 02:11 PM

I'd like to sit there with Jeremiah in his cave of Lamentations and watch Jerusalem and the temple be destroyed.

Then I'd like to watch it happen again in 70 AD.

I'd kind of like to watch all the siege's of Jerusalem. Just so I can sit there with the prophets and be like "yep, this is what you get".

YIC
V


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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 04:03 PM

Not sure if this counts but I'd like to see Moses' parting the Red Sea. I saw Charlton Heston do it but it was not real.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 04:55 PM

In related news, I read this article on The Onion the other day, and it really pissed me off.

Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World.

Quote:
According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.
blasphemy

Quote:
"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."
more blasphemy

Quote:
Moreover, the Sumerians were taken aback by the creation of the same animals and herb-yielding seeds that they had been domesticating and cultivating for hundreds of generations.
It just doesn't end.

YIC
V


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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 05:56 PM

Typical anti-Christian persecution. I suppose that next they'll have a similarly God-mocking piece about China and the Great Flood or some such.


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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 05:57 PM

It is obvious that they are stoned. The drug problem is everywhere these days. The media simply uses the phrase "herb-yielding seeds" thinking that people will read right by it without comprehending what they are REALLY saying to us here.

We are much too smart for them to think they can get one by us that easy...

-ND
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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 07:23 PM

I would have liked to see the plagues of Egypt.

1. Moses turns all the water in Egypt into blood, both from the river and that water stored in vessels. The people have to dig underground to look for water. All the fish in the river die, and the land is filled with the stench of rotten fish. (However, Pharaoh's magicians can also perform this trick, though how they turned water into blood when all the water was already transformed, I'm sure I don't know...)

2. Moses sends hordes of frogs into Egypt. They rise up from the river (I guess they were escaping the bloody fish stench), and they cover all the land, even people's homes, filling their beds and their ovens (who knew the river Nile had SO MANY frogs in it!) However, Pharaoh's magicians could also do this (apparently a few of the frogs were still lingering in the bloody river). Then, all the frogs die, and they Egyptians have the gather their bodies in piles, and their decaying smell fills Egypt.

3. Moses turns all the dust in Egypt into lice. Lice infects every person and animal in Egypt. (The magicians were not able to copy this, though, which seems strange. I mean, you would think if they could conjure frogs out of thin air and turn non-existent water into blood, making some lice would be a cinch...)

4. Moses brings a swarm of flies into Egypt. The flies cover all the land, fill everybody's house, and corrupts the ground.

5. Moses kills all the cattle in Egypt: in one day all of the horses, asses, camels, oxen and sheep died.

6. Moses takes a handful of ash from a furnace, sprinkles it in the air towards heaven, and it becomes a dust to cover all of Egypt, and that dust will turn into a pestilence that will cover all of the Egyptians and all of the beasts and cover them with boils.

7. Moses sends rain and hail and thunder like Egypt had never seen before. And fire rained down from heaven mixed with the hail, very grievous. The hail kills everything that happens to be in the field, the crops (except the ones that weren't grown yet), the men, and quite miraculously, the cattle, even though they had all already been killed. (I suppose God resurrected them so he could show his glory and kill them again).

8. Moses brings an east wind blowing onto Egypt, through all the day and night, and the next morning the wind had blown tons of locusts into Egypt. There were so many locusts that you could not even see the ground anymore. They filled everyone's house. They ate up all the crops which had survived the hail, and ate up all the trees too.

9. Moses brings a darkness so thick it can be felt. The Egyptians can't see anything. The only place there is light is inside the Israelites' homes.

10. God kills all the first-born children of Egypt, as well as all the first-born cattle, even though God already killed them all twice. Any house that had blood sprinkled above its door, God did not kill anyone inside.
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Default Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed - 12-23-2009, 07:26 PM

This is a great thread idea. For me, it's got to be the fate of Korah, the original false Christian. Korah devoutly believed in God, but He thought that God loved all His worshipers equally, so there was no need for Moses to have special privileges that the rest of the congregation didn't have:
Numbers 16:1 Now Korah, the son of Izhar, the son of Kohath, the son of Levi, and Dathan and Abiram, the sons of Eliab, and On, the son of Peleth, sons of Reuben, took men:
2 And they rose up before Moses, with certain of the children of Israel, two hundred and fifty princes of the assembly, famous in the congregation, men of renown:
3 And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the LORD?

Korah may also have been the original socialist, come to think of it. Anyway, Korah made some offerings to God and prayed to Him to prove how good at worshiping the Lord He was, and here's how God reacted:

31 And it came to pass, as he had made an end of speaking all these words, that the ground clave asunder that was under them:
32 And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that appertained unto Korah, and all their goods.
33 They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation.
34 And all Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also.
35 And there came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense.

The earth literally opened up and swallowed them. And their houses. And all the men that appertained unto Korah. And all their goods. That's a pretty big hole. But it wasn't enough for God, because He then proceed to shoot fireballs to kill another 250 people who'd prayed to Him the wrong way. That's how God rolls. I cannot wait to see all modern-day false Christians and socialists punished the same way. Praise Jesus.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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