Jesus has
always been everywhere including the
Landover Baptist Public Toilets (At Landover University, Church, City Hall,
etc.).
Jesus is watching us all the time.
Proverbs 15:3
The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
Some of this
constant tireless observation is by its very nature
repulsive to
Jesus including our bowel movements and voiding our bladders. Still,
Jesus Christ keeps His promise and ogles even our
most intimate moments during the revolting but life-sustaining procedures of personal physiological waste management. Of course, we can do our best to minimize these gruesome moments for
Christ by voluntary
constipation but that is beside the point. To make our visits to the restrooms more bearable for
Jesus, the Landover Baptist University Public Restroom Decoration and Management Committee has now completed its
renovations. The guidelines that were followed were as follows:
1 Thessalonians 5:17
Pray without ceasing.
Colossians 4:2
Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving;
Ephesians 6:18
Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
Thus,
constant Prayer is the key to relieve the tensions of
Jesus as He watches over our defecations. How to attain this? We decided to
redecorate the restrooms with reminders of our Savior to keep the minds of the staff, the visitors and the young youths in the principal task of the University and our other establishments:
Jesus and Prayer!
This is
the new toilet seat cover designed by our Ladies and now distributed all over the campus.
At this stage I must admit that
I sometimes wash my hands after finishing my revolting business in the cubicle except when I'm going to have lunch or dinner immediately thereafter (Matthew 15:20). After being reminded by the toilet seat of our Lord and redeemer, you'll next come face-to-face with
Jesus at the sink with our new updated
soap dispenser cover!
With this new addition, we are every time reminded of the
agony and passion of Jesus on the Cross and how the ultimate event of washing was when He conditionally washed away our sins with His
Blood on that device of torture!
Revelation 1:5
And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood,
Now,
I am asking you: Please remember some
extra tithes during the next few weeks so that we can also purchase these new
interior decoration elements for voiding the bladder.
In every establishment we have also
a penitentiary cubicle for the youths who harbor some unnatural thoughts of extramarital sodomistic fornication.
This product was designed to give them a mild preview of the intricate methods
Jesus is going to torture them in
Hell (Matthew 8:12) if they fail to discard their evil ways (Matthew 9:4).
Please, do not hesitate to
hold back bowel movement at home and visit
the new LBC restrooms instead to make each and every bowel movement Like a
Prayer to glorify
Jesus Christ our Savior and Lord! Remember:
Jesus is watching you anyway so, please, make this disgusting part of His Vigil a bit more tolerable!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer