As many of you know, I have been tasked with filtering prime time network TV content for our youth program. While it can be a disgusting job sometimes with all the sex and drugs and potty mouths, there are some rare redeeming features, and I am not just talking about massive amounts of violence done my patriotic soldiers like Jack Baur on the show
24 Hours. One character that has really stood out to me is that of Kenneth Parcell on the show
30th Rock. Here is a picture:
Now I have watched many episodes of
30th Rock and I can tell you that this character seems to be JUST the type of man that would live right here in Freehold. He is Godly, and hates sinners. He struggles to bring God's message ot the sinful city of New York and sometimes succeeds. I have included some quotes of his below as an example of how righteous he can be, even when rebuking non-believing jew yorkers. (Note for James DeWitt's production company: Maybe they should make a Kenneth-based spinoff? )
I was wondering, is he the ONLY Godly character on Prime time nowadays? I don't recall seeing another. I would not be suprised since as that beaner Rick Sanches pointed out, the media is run 100% by jews. What do you think?
Kenneth's Quotes Showing He May Be A True Christian™
Jack Donaghy: You know, Ted, Kenneth here is one of our more promising young pages. He knows everything there is to know about the business.
Kenneth Parcell: I studied TV theory at Kentucky Mountain Bible College.
Kenneth Parcell: Oh, uh, no, sir. I don't vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord's name!
Jack Donaghy: That's Republican. We count those.
Kenneth: Science was my most favorite subject, especially the Old Testament.
Kenneth Parcell: I don't drink coffee, sir, I don't drink hot liquids of any kind. That's the devil's temperature.
Kenneth Parcell: Do you remember the movie "Footloose," where those evil kids won in the end? You're going to make a mistake tonight.
Kenneth: All these books, sir! It's like I'm back at school, learning about the dangers of book-readin.
Kenneth: An angry God is punishing them. It's a Christmas miracle!
Kenneth: Global warming? Sorry, sir, that's just scientist talk. The same people who say my grandfather was a monkey. If that's true, why was he killed by a monkey?
Kenneth: If I have a strawberry, my throat closes up faster than a girl in math class.
Kenneth: But why would you want to cut your hair? You look exactly as I imagine Mary Magadalene to be.
Kenneth: We lose half the congregation every time American Idol starts up.
Other Quote By Kenneth
Kenneth Parcell: {My pig} went crazy! She bit off my nut sack... that I kept tied around my belt to feed squirrels.
Jack Donaghy: Wait, you're dating one of the dancers?
Kenneth Parcell: Oh, no sir, I actually haven't spoken to her yet, but I have a long term plan to marry her and I wanted the company to be aware of my intentions.
Jack Donaghy: I see. I'll be sure to mention that at the next board meeting.
Kenneth Parcell: I feel as useless as a mom's college degree.
Jack Donaghy: Kenneth, just how much money do you have in your savings?
Kenneth Parcell: Well, let's see!
{Kenneth reaches down and picks up a can filled with cash}
Kenneth Parcell: Eighty thousand dollars!
Jack Donaghy: If you don't include Confederate money.
Kenneth Parcell: Four thousand dollars!
Jack: You like cookie jars, Kenneth?
Kenneth Parcell: Well, I guess I never thought about it that much. We had a nice one back home in Georgia. It had a bear on it. I remember when my mom's friend Ron would come over. They'd go into the bedroom to sort out their paperwork, and I'd just go ahead and stare at that cookie jar. It was almost as if I took every problem that I ever had and I put it inside that cookie jar. And I sealed it up so tight that nothin' would ever, ever, ever get out. So, I guess to answer your question, I'd give cookie jars about a B.
Jack: Some people have so many problems that there aren't enough cookie jars in the world to contain them
Tracy Jordan: How come your teeth don't glow in the black light, Kenneth?
Kenneth Parcell: I don't know. You'll have to ask the man who whittled them for me.
Kenneth Parcell: Is SpongeBob SquarePants supposed to be terrifying?
Jack Donaghy: You're darn right he is.
Kenneth Parcell: Stop it! This is all my fault, Miss Lemon, because I let it happen. And the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for a good man to do nothing.
Tracy Jordan: Please aks my permission before you quote me, Kenneth.
Liz: {about Kenneth} Well, it was nice of you to let him keep his job.
Jack: The Italians have a saying, Lemon. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." And although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct. In five years we'll all either be working for him... {Kenneth happily bikes away} or be dead by his hand.
Jack: I wanted to talk to you about our corporate "Bottoms-Up Day." Once a year all the senior V.P.s spend one day doing the job of one of our lowest level employees. This year I'll be a page for a day and you'll be my boss.
Kenneth: Thank you, sir!
Jack: That's how the "Bottoms-Up" program works. I'm going to be your bottom, Kenneth, and I want you to ride me as hard as you can.
Josh: Cerie said she would do it with you.
Kenneth: Well that just makes me perspire.
Dot Com: Yo, Kenneth, we need to talk now.
Kenneth: Oh, I've had this conversation before. You're marrying my mom, aren't you?
Kenneth: Obesity is killing the African-American community...with laughter.
Kenneth: You know my uncle was a tinkerer... until the FBI shot him.
Kenneth: That's wonderful. Even if he does come from a country that's nothing more than the dried husk America came out of.
Kenneth: {on Boston} They're all named Sean, they're mean, and I hate it here.
Kenneth: {When asked what makes him laugh} The usual, I suppose. Two hobos sharing a bean. Lady airline pilots.
Kenneth: As mom used to say, you can't eat love.
Kenneth: Are you pickling squirrel meat? Cause I can lend you my skullpresser.
Kenneth: Oh, was it "The Day Is Done My Sweet For The Lambs Have Been Decapitated?
Jack: When I was your age, I was putting myself through college in Boston paddling swan boats for the tourists.
Kenneth: Is that a euphemism for some kind of sex worker?
Kenneth Parcell: Do you know why I put up with this 'pitiful job', Mr. Donaghy, why I fetch these folks' lunches and clean up their barfs? Cause they make television. And more then jazz, or musical theater, or morbid obesity, television is the true American artform.