Friends, did you know that the days of the week somehow escaped the attention of our early
forebears and are named after
pagan false gods?!?!
Monday is "Moon day" because our unsaved ancestors worshipped the moon!
http://www.conservapedia.com/Monday
Tuesday is "Tyr's day" after the Finnish "god" of war!
http://www.conservapedia.com/Tuesday
Wednesday, in addition to being hard to spell and nobody ever pronounces that first D so why is it there, is Woden's day, the "king" of the Finnish "gods"!
http://www.conservapedia.com/Wednesday
Thursday is "Thor's day", named after the Marvel superhero who was created to turn young boys "gay"!
http://www.conservapedia.com/Thursday
Friday is "Fr*gga's day", named after a Finnish "goddess" and an alternate form of the f-word!
http://www.conservapedia.com/Friday
Saturday is "Saturn's day", for some reason not a Finnish "god" but a Roman one... Oh, that's right. You know what the Romans have been doing to take down Christianity!
http://www.conservapedia.com/Saturday
Finally, Sunday or "Sun's day". The most important day of the week!
http://www.conservapedia.com/Sunday
I propose we rename the days of the week, give them GOOD, DECENT,
CHRISTIAN names! Personally, I suggest the following...
Monday - Matthewsday. The first day of the week should be named after the first gospel!
Tuesday - Marksday. I think you see where I'm going here.
Wednesday - Lukesday.
Thursday - Johnsday.
Friday - Here I'm suggesting a little flexibility. We can't do harm to the shareholders of TGI Fridays, so I suggest a small fix... Fryday. TGI Frydays only needs to make one small tweak, and it will be a day when all people can enjoy some good old fashioned American cooking!
Saturday - I was thinking we can remind everyone about who keeps this day as the Sabbath by calling it "Jewsday", but that sounds too close to "Tuesday" and it will be confusing for everyone. So instead... Americaday! The whole world can come together and participate in healthy American pastimes on Americaday!
Sunday - Sonday. D'uh.
Anyway, those are my suggestions. Do you (
only) have any suggestions?