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In my daily walk with Christ, I am often asked by "believers" of a lesser tithing plan than my own: When I became Saved™, I felt instant exhilaration when Pastor Deacon Fred called me his "Brother in Christ", but shortly after I paid my initiation tithe, I again started to feel human once again. I had urges to sin once again, and feelings of doubt. Does this mean that I am not saved? Should I have been instantly transformed into a New Creature?
Well, my friends, I am here to clear up this mystery, on behalf of the Living God!
The answer is quite simple, really. When we are Saved™ from the wicked ways that our Loving God ingrained in us from the time we were formed in the womb, we were instantly transformed into children of God, into True followers in Christ. We have given up our past and sinful ways, and we have been accepted as servants to the One True God. We are bathed in the Blood of the Lamb, instantly transformed from dirty, sinful creatures into Beings of Light, destined to spend all eternity with our Lord, laughing at the poor sinners who wished us a "Happy Holiday Season" at Wal-Mart, thereby sealing their fate to burn forever.
Even while we are instantly changed, however, our sinful nature still remains. We cannot expect to be changed immediately. We are still going to struggle with sin. But in this case, we still have the Holy Spirit to guide us and protect us from ourselves. From the moment we are Saved™, it is constant struggle against our human nature, our feelings, our intellect, our common sense to remain true to the faith. And that is Natural. Short of a lobotomy, there is no way to completely remove all sinful impulses from ourselves. In fact, I personally suspect that some of the shining examples of True Christians may indeed have had this procedure done, they are so close to Jesus and seemingly impervious to the sinful side effects of "logic", "emotion" and "reality": Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann and Pat Robertson*. So you can expect a lifetime of struggles against all of the human emotions and intellectual faculties that you were blessed with. In this sense you are not instantly transformed into the perfect human being that God wants you to be.
On the other hand, you are expected to instantly transform yourself into a follower of God. You should immediately immerse yourself in a Godly new life. Your days of sinful friends, nights out on the town, playing hockey on Sunday mornings are over. You have been instantly transformed into a Christian. You must spend your time in the Word, learning how to become more Christ-like. This is where Landover's very unique practice of assigning you a Salvation Buddy™ is valuable. It is easy to slip off of the Christian Wagon when you are alone, with friends, spending time with family, etc. Your Salvation Buddy™ is someone (of the same sex, of course!) who spends every waking moment with you for the first year of your Walk with Christ. After signing your waiver, from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep your Buddy will be by your side, ensuring that you don't slip in any way, for only a moderate cost to you. Whether it beforcing encouraging you to rebuke the sinners at the McDonald's drive thru for not wishing you a "Blessed Sunday with the Lord" when you stop by for your cheeseburger after church or simply shaking more than 3 times at the urinal, your Buddy will ensure that you successfully make it through your first year with the Lord. We know that the instant transformation to becoming a True Christian™ isn't easy, and in fact can take up to a year!
Now you might be asking "but if it's an instant transformation, why does it take a year (or more)?". Now this, my friend, is what you call "A case of the 'why's". As a True Christian, we kindly ask that you refrain from such questions. Many Christian researchers (myself included) have worked out that in the Lord's Eyes, a year is an instant! Now I know that I tend to over-do the math and science things because I am a scientist, but what is one year compared to the six thousand years that the earth has existed? The nearest I can tell is that it's less than one billionth of a percent -- that's pretty instant to me! Many doubters question why the Lord claimed that He was coming back nearly 4,000 years ago, but still hasn't arrived yet, but we True Christians know that the 4,000 year delay is nothing but a minor hiccup. Who among us hasn't been 5 minutes late to a lavish dinner party? I know I have! But it's expected! We as True Christians know that, while we might have been waiting for thousands of years for him to show up, to Him it appears that he's a microsecond late, probably because He stopped for an interstellar coffee, or to whip up another batch of a killer disease to punish some remote area of the world who continues to deny His Existence.
I hope this clarifies this question once and for all. I am working on a set of tracts with our good friend Jack Chick so that we can try to express this level of clarity with some conciseness! Look for it online and in stores soon!
*Our lawyers have advised us at Landover to state that we do not fully support lobotomies for newly converted True Christians™. While the benefits of helping your walk with Christ are undisputed, there may be untold side effects. You should consult your personal physician before attempting to lobotomize yourself.
Well, my friends, I am here to clear up this mystery, on behalf of the Living God!
The answer is quite simple, really. When we are Saved™ from the wicked ways that our Loving God ingrained in us from the time we were formed in the womb, we were instantly transformed into children of God, into True followers in Christ. We have given up our past and sinful ways, and we have been accepted as servants to the One True God. We are bathed in the Blood of the Lamb, instantly transformed from dirty, sinful creatures into Beings of Light, destined to spend all eternity with our Lord, laughing at the poor sinners who wished us a "Happy Holiday Season" at Wal-Mart, thereby sealing their fate to burn forever.
Even while we are instantly changed, however, our sinful nature still remains. We cannot expect to be changed immediately. We are still going to struggle with sin. But in this case, we still have the Holy Spirit to guide us and protect us from ourselves. From the moment we are Saved™, it is constant struggle against our human nature, our feelings, our intellect, our common sense to remain true to the faith. And that is Natural. Short of a lobotomy, there is no way to completely remove all sinful impulses from ourselves. In fact, I personally suspect that some of the shining examples of True Christians may indeed have had this procedure done, they are so close to Jesus and seemingly impervious to the sinful side effects of "logic", "emotion" and "reality": Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann and Pat Robertson*. So you can expect a lifetime of struggles against all of the human emotions and intellectual faculties that you were blessed with. In this sense you are not instantly transformed into the perfect human being that God wants you to be.
On the other hand, you are expected to instantly transform yourself into a follower of God. You should immediately immerse yourself in a Godly new life. Your days of sinful friends, nights out on the town, playing hockey on Sunday mornings are over. You have been instantly transformed into a Christian. You must spend your time in the Word, learning how to become more Christ-like. This is where Landover's very unique practice of assigning you a Salvation Buddy™ is valuable. It is easy to slip off of the Christian Wagon when you are alone, with friends, spending time with family, etc. Your Salvation Buddy™ is someone (of the same sex, of course!) who spends every waking moment with you for the first year of your Walk with Christ. After signing your waiver, from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep your Buddy will be by your side, ensuring that you don't slip in any way, for only a moderate cost to you. Whether it be
Now you might be asking "but if it's an instant transformation, why does it take a year (or more)?". Now this, my friend, is what you call "A case of the 'why's". As a True Christian, we kindly ask that you refrain from such questions. Many Christian researchers (myself included) have worked out that in the Lord's Eyes, a year is an instant! Now I know that I tend to over-do the math and science things because I am a scientist, but what is one year compared to the six thousand years that the earth has existed? The nearest I can tell is that it's less than one billionth of a percent -- that's pretty instant to me! Many doubters question why the Lord claimed that He was coming back nearly 4,000 years ago, but still hasn't arrived yet, but we True Christians know that the 4,000 year delay is nothing but a minor hiccup. Who among us hasn't been 5 minutes late to a lavish dinner party? I know I have! But it's expected! We as True Christians know that, while we might have been waiting for thousands of years for him to show up, to Him it appears that he's a microsecond late, probably because He stopped for an interstellar coffee, or to whip up another batch of a killer disease to punish some remote area of the world who continues to deny His Existence.
I hope this clarifies this question once and for all. I am working on a set of tracts with our good friend Jack Chick so that we can try to express this level of clarity with some conciseness! Look for it online and in stores soon!
*Our lawyers have advised us at Landover to state that we do not fully support lobotomies for newly converted True Christians™. While the benefits of helping your walk with Christ are undisputed, there may be untold side effects. You should consult your personal physician before attempting to lobotomize yourself.
Nowadays when I go to the McDonald's drive-thru on Sunday I always make a point of holding up the queue until I have fully explained why everyone working during the Sabbath will go to hell (after I'd taken my burger, obviously!). Once the children and wife start crying that's usually my cue to leave, I know then I have preached as well as I can.
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