[Elmer G. White]

I only read the Bible and selected, high-quality publications in Creation Science (Answers Magazine and Journal of Creation). That is everything a True Christian™ needs, you may say. That is True™! However, there are many Hell-bound families that - while we cannot count them as friends - we kind of care for: Families of unsaved siblings, etc. Many of them have an inexplicable aversion to God's Word and His principal Literary Work, the Manual of Life, Universe and Everything, the King James Bible. These people can be gently brought to the bosom of Jesus by supplying them with books that contain valuable Biblical Truths™ disguised as conventional fiction. One author who produced such precious material both for children and heathen adults was the Welshman born of Norwegian parents, Mr. Roald Dahl. A soldier, an airplane pilot who fought alongside Americans against the commies and Nazis. Unfortunately he wrote in a corrupted form of American, the English degenerate literary form, but fortunately most of his texts are mutually intelligible with American.



He was a handsome follow.

Of course, I have never read any of his books nor his short stories, nor ever shall, but by browsing some selected quotes available in the Interwebs, I've assessed his output and I am able to recommend it as gifts for your atheist blood relatives and others who require some apparently secular coaxing to reach Jesus.

Today it is exactly 100 years since Mr. Roald Dahl was born (that was 9/13/1916 for those of our Brethren who concentrate only on the Bible and not Creative Mathematics). I present here some of his well-known quotes and by comparing them to Biblical Truths™ we can see that his works are indeed very useful for converting repulsive unbelievers onto the correct, narrow path!

“I'm right and you're wrong, I'm big and you're small, and there's nothing you can do about it.”
― Roald Dahl, Matilda

1 John 5:9
If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater: for this is the witness of God which he hath testified of his Son.

• Indeed, God is Great, He is totally above you and incomprehensible except through the Bible. This "Matilda" seems to be a very useful book.

“It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful.”
― Roald Dahl, Matilda

Proverbs 19:18
Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.

• Children are evil and unsaved. Many atheist parents fail to see that. Mr. Dahl and God agree. The disgusting little blisters have to be taught discipline.

“Give us strength, oh Lord, to let our children starve.”
― Roald Dahl, The Great Automatic Grammatizator And Other Stories

Job 5:20
In famine he shall redeem thee from death: and in war from the power of the sword.

Job 5:22
At destruction and famine thou shalt laugh: neither shalt thou be afraid of the beasts of the earth.

• This is very useful. If Jesus wishes to punish you and your family with famine, you should thank Him and rejoice, as you can participate in His Grand Scheme. This Mr. Dahl was a Spiritual hero.

“A bad girl is a far more dangerous thing than a bad boy.”
― Roald Dahl

Ecclesiastes 7:26
And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.

• So True™. Girls grow up to become female adults, bitter entities that seduce young youthful men into fornication and Hellfire.

“Obscurity is never a virtue.”
― Roald Dahl

Isaiah 40:8
The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever.

“I am not, of course, telling you for one second that your teacher actually is a witch. All I am saying is that she might be one. It is most unlikely. But--here comes the big "but"--not impossible.”
― Roald Dahl, The Witches

Nahum 3:4
Because of the multitude of the whoredoms of the wellfavoured harlot, the mistress of witchcrafts, that selleth nations through her whoredoms, and families through her witchcrafts.

• Witches are REAL. Children have to be taught that many proponents of evolution and secularism are Satan-oriented magicians that are extremely dangerous.

Mr. Dahl wrote also books of adult entertainment, the most prominent of which is "My Uncle Oswald". Apparently this is a book that warns us against the perils of fornication but also shows the True™ character of many cherished figures in the atheist Pantheon, for instance, Mr. Sigmund Freud is revealed to have been a lustful fornicator of young women! Ladies, please remember that the strong language is targeted at the Salvation of an unbeliever so you can skip the quote.

“‘Ja ja,’ he said, writing all this down on my record sheet. ‘It may interest you to know, fräulein, that the carrot and the cucumber are both very powerful sexuality symbols. They represent the masculine phallic member. And you are vishing either to chop it up or to pickle it!’
He jumped away and ran back to his desk stark naked and began writing notes. He must be terrifically strong-minded. Great intellectual curiosity. But he was completely foxed and bewildered by what had happened to him.
“‘Do you believe me now, Doctor Freud?’ I asked him.
“‘I have to believe you!’ he cried. ‘You have opened up a whole new field vith this sexual electricity of yours! This case vill make history! I must see you again, fräulein!’
“‘You’ll jump me,’ I said. ‘You won’t be able to stop yourself.’
“‘I know,’ he said, smiling for the first time. ‘I know that, fräulein. I know.’”
― Roald Dahl, My Uncle Oswald

1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

• This proves that Mr. Freud was a fornicator, why should we believe any of his psychedelic analyses then? Obviously, we shouldn't!

I conclude this analysis with a wonderful quote that depicts the Flood (Genesis 7:6) in intricate detail. Having read this, a atheist is ripe to a deep discussion of the Flood, its significance and its evidence based on Creation Science.

“It wasn't raindrops at all. It was a great solid mass of water that might have been a lake or a whole ocean dropping out of the sky on top of them, and down it came, down and down and down, crashing first onto the seagulls and then onto the peach itself, while the poor travelers shrieked with fear and groped around frantically for something to catch hold of- the peach stem, the silk strings, anything they could find- and all the time the water came pouring and roaring down upon them, bouncing and smashing and sloshing and slashing and swashing and swirling and surging and whirling and gurgling and gushing and rushing and rushing, and it was like being pinned down underneath the biggest waterfall in the world and not being able to get out.”
― Roald Dahl, James and the Giant Peach

Genesis 7:11
In the six hundredth year of Noah's life, in the second month, the seventeenth day of the month, the same day were all the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened.

Christmas is coming! This year, instead of starting with the Heavy Stuff, the Bible, why not soften your revolting secular siblings with a selection of Mr. Dahl's Books! By February, you'll be discussing Jesus and in early March there's going to be a queue to the Baptismal Pond!




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Brother Gonzalez]

Well, the joos write very nasty things about this fellow. I supose there must be something good about him, then.

http://www.haaretz.com/jewish/books/.premium-1.619451

[I Man Rastafari]

Many happy returns of the day Roald! I will have a large spliff in your honor as soon as I finish this one.

[Nobar King]

Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari

Many happy returns of the day Roald! I will have a large spliff in your honor as soon as I finish this one.

I don't know why you're so proud about all the marijuana you use. That stuff is just going to make you crazy.

[Alphonse Alban]

Happy birthday to Mr. Dahl! He is so lucky to have spend 26 years with Jesus already! Usually I don't allow my children to watch TV, but this film Dahl wrote about the dangers of catlick church is a really educational exception.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Did he write "The BFG"?

Never read any of his stuff, but anyone who writes a children's book about Big F-ing Guns is alright with me.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Brothers and Sisters, the people of Cardiff in Wales are taking time out from sheep-bothering this weekend to celebrate the centenary of the late Mr Dhal!

A 12-metre model of a crocodile has been installed in Cardiff Bay, to warn children of the fate that awaits them in should they die before they are Saved.



And something even more terrifying is crawling over the castle walls!



Does that remind anyone else of Hillary C?

Organisers said the laws of physics, logic and the predictable would give way to magic and invention.

The organisers seem to have got it only half right and I feel sure that Mr Dhal would not approve. The so-called laws of physics and logic can well be done away with, and not just for a single weekend, but they should give way to the Laws of .

YiC
Joanna

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

Does that remind anyone else of Hillary C?

My first thought was of Monica.