Quote:
Originally Posted by Roast Beef
I have excellent news for the goodly folk of Landover Baptist Church whose advice I have followed to the letter.
I am SAVED!
I have indeed read the Bible (yes, the KJ version) from Genesis Ch. 1 Vs. 1 all the way through to Revelation Ch.22 Vs.21 and the wonderful final words "The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen."
Not only did I read all the Bible - but I believe every word to be the Word of God, and I was able to do this after just three sessions with the wonderful Mr Herbert Penfold, the gifted hypnotherapist (who I have yet to complete my payments to - being wonderful he does charge a lot, and worth every penny!)
The reason I know I'm saved is because I've had another dream!
Yes, dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ, I dreamed once again that I'd died, but this time, instead of finding myself in Hell and being
expected to have intimate sexual relations with an evil-eyed goat, I was in Heaven - and in the loving arms of our Lord!
(I thought the kissing a bit odd and was puzzled as to why he insisted I take all my clothes off, but other than that I cannot complain).
So, my new life begins - and all thanks to YOU!
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Well friend, that must be very encouraging for you! But please don't be duped by a dream. Last night I had a dream my dogs were giant spiders who lived on the ceiling. They walked upside down and glared at us from time to time, then ran to the corners to catch mice and rats. I can guarantee you there are no such vermin in the Etheldreda house.
The Department of Faith will no doubt look into your claims, and if your labors bear good fruit (Matthew 7:17), then we can know you haven't fooled yourself with wishful thinking (Jeremiah 17:9). This isn't magic you know. You can't just *poof* Salvation. You have to sincerely believe that Jesus was born of a virgin (Matthew 1:23), died (Matthew 27:50), got better (Acts 2:24), floated up through the clouds (Acts 1:9), through the atmosphere, into deep space where He sits next to Himself on a throne (Mark 16:19) that overlooks and judges everything we do and think, and don't do and fail to think (Jeremiah 17:10).
My God Bless you in this journey!