Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
06-16-2010, 01:42 AM
We follow the Holy Word of God to the letter. Why you don't is beyond me.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
06-16-2010, 01:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by upeoplercrazy
So... would any of you actually saw-off one of your limbs for "eternal salvation"??
Serious question
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Where does it say to do that in the King James Bible 1611?
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Posts: 37
Join Date: Jul 2010
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
07-18-2010, 01:12 AM
Again I am appalled at what is considered christian here.
Yes the bible may says you should cut off any offending limbs...but you cannot follow the bible word for word and live a normal life.
I came to this forum hoping to find like-minded Christians with compassion and care, instead I find threads about properly amputating limbs. I find posts with blatant racism and censorship.
To be enlightened is not to be confined.
I urge you fellow Christians to take a step back and realize what this thread is suggesting.
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
07-18-2010, 01:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins
Where does it say to do that in the King James Bible 1611?
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Sorry. I just had to read over the thread.
Now that this scripture has been brought into focus for me, I realize it is my husbandly duty to saw off my wife Ethel's dominant hand. At least, I believe that is the one. In any case I saw her masturbating using one of her hands. That is vile behavior, and I already punished her for it by putting rats in a bowl, putting the bowl against her stomach, and heating the bowl until she fell unconscious from the pain of the rats gnawing into her stomach. Now I realize that this was not the correct way to discipline her. I need to cut off her hand. I will have to rely on her memory as to which one it was though. The more I think about it I just am not sure.
I will make a thread tomorrow or the next day and let everyone know how this goes.
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
07-18-2010, 01:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGiftOfGod
Again I am appalled at what is considered christian here.
Yes the bible may says you should cut off any offending limbs...but you cannot follow the bible word for word and live a normal life.
I came to this forum hoping to find like-minded Christians with compassion and care, instead I find threads about properly amputating limbs. I find posts with blatant racism and censorship.
To be enlightened is not to be confined.
I urge you fellow Christians to take a step back and realize what this thread is suggesting.
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You say I shouldn't live my life by the Bible? I assure you, however appalled you may be, I am even more appalled. I will not go to Hell, just because you are offended by the Bible.
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Posts: 37
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
07-18-2010, 01:35 AM
So Billy Bob has never done anything to warrant amputation?
BILLY YES!
Live your life by the bible please! But don't take it so literally.
And wow, you are going to amputate your wife's hand tomorrow?
Well I truly hope the authorities arrest you and I'll do everything I can to send them your way.
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Fourm Member
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Posts: 9,266
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: On my way to Paradise
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
07-18-2010, 01:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGiftOfGod
...but you cannot follow the bible word for word and live a normal life..
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I'm only going to grab this part because I think you are really confused about what it takes to be a True Christian™. Of course you cannot follow the Bible word for word and live what is considered a normal life. God tells you as much in the Bible.
Luke 6:22 Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake.
Luke 14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
John 15:18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.
1st John 2:15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
The problem with False Christians is that they want to be able to live the secular life and say that they're going to Heaven because they "have a friend named Jesus". Well Jesus told us that not everyone who calls him Lord will get in, you have to follow the rules while you're down here.
Matthew 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Remember even Satan knows who Jesus is.
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
07-18-2010, 01:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGiftOfGod
So Billy Bob has never done anything to warrant amputation?
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Not since I was very young, as you can see from my "ex-masturbator" award. But I am a changed man. Not so with Ethel; she cannot be trusted as I trust myself.
Quote:
BILLY YES!
Live your life by the bible please! But don't take it so literally.
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So if God doesn't mean what He says, what do you think He means, o prophet?
Quote:
And wow, you are going to amputate your wife's hand tomorrow?
Well I truly hope the authorities arrest you and I'll do everything I can to send them your way.
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And how exactly do you plan on doing that?
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Posts: 37
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
07-18-2010, 01:49 AM
Also I did a quick search for you billy.
Quote:
My name is Billy Bob and I am a firm, Bible believing Baptist and a True Christian Soldier for God. I am here to learn why atheism appeals to people aside from the obvious reasons. I believe most people turn to atheism as a way to justify sin and ease their fear of Hell. Of course most of the atheists I have met vehemently deny this allegation.
I wonder why atheists seem so alike. Every atheist I have met has been a follower of Charles Darwin. They also tend to be liberals who voted for Obama, and think women should have the right to kill their unborn babies. Why is thi
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Well jeez, killing unborn babies is way worse than putting a hot bowl of rats to gnaw on your wifes stomach, but then realizing that was not enough so you must chop her hand off since she masturbated with it.
If it is not a sin to chop of your wives hand than the bible is wrong. The bible cannot be taken literally or you end up torturing people you love the most out of love. That doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
I'm not an atheist, I am a fully practicing Christian who finds your actions completely sinful.
If you think you will not go to hell for putting a hot bowl of rats on your wives stomach then you might want to rethink it.
Didn't the screams from your wive hurt you inside? Didn't it feel morally wrong to hurt someone you love so much and continue to do so. I can't imagine sitting there with a bowl of rats against my wives stomach while she screamed uncontrollably until she passed out.
I really hope she has enough sense to run away before you chop of your hand.
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
07-18-2010, 01:53 AM
Quote:
I really hope she has enough sense to run away before you chop of your hand.
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http://www.martyrdomguild.com/showth...ght=wife+ethel
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Posts: 37
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
07-18-2010, 01:54 AM
Ok forgive me I was confused.
This forum is obviously for extremist. As i am not one I will leave.
I am sorry that you all live in such darkness on antiquated notions of how the world should run.
While the bible has great values in it, a lot of it is horrendous if taken literally.
How you can, as humans, follow such words to the extent of justifying AMPUTATION and TOTURE on loved ones is beyond me comprehension.
Billy, if I told you how I was sending authorities your way you'd know how to prevent it better wouldn't you?
I'll leave now. Don't mess up my world and I won't mess up yours.
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
07-20-2010, 10:07 AM
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compassion personified
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,721
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New Zealand
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Re: The True Christian™ Guide to Self-Amputation -
07-20-2010, 10:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Experiment
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Hello there. Welcome to our humble forums! How about you mosey over to the Introduction Forum and introduce yourself?
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