[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

I'd like to preface this by saying I am not queer. But has anyone else been watching the men's diving at the Olympics, like 24/7 non-stop? I definitely like 8.5 but 10 is too much for me. Talking the board height in meters, obviously. OMG hot teen dudes in speedos FTW!!!! Uh, I mean I'm writing on behalf a friend who's not queer.

[BrotherLarry]

Brother Toole,


Of COURSE you aren't a poofter! No need to explain that to us. I have watched the men's diving, swimming, gymnastics, and track/field competitions with much interest and find that it raises my spirit with each passing hour.


God gave us our manly men's bodies to glorify Him and His Creationary abilities. When we watch chiseled, buff and burly young men in competition, it's only right that we feel glory within our spirit. In feeling this, we are in touch with the Almighty, who formed every sinewy muscle, every sweaty, hard pec, and every strong thigh, glistening with sweat and man scent. Hallelujah!


COME, LORD JESUS,
BrotherLarry

[Johny Joe Hold]

I know Pastor Zeke really likes men's Olympic Diving and am thinking he might be there hanging out with the divers and making friends with them. I intercepted a crowd picture at the diving event. If anyone recognizes the Pastor in the picture let me know.

[H. Montague Worthington]

I enjoy watching both synchronized diving and divers doing it solo.









Believe me, I've stood up and taken notice at the grace and athleticism of Olympic diving, especially this year. In fact, it sparked me to write letters to some of my favorite divers, like this one:

Dear Patrick Hausding:

I know you're a chisled, 27-year old Olympic diver from Berlin, and I'm a married, overweight 71-year old business owner from Iowa with raging cases of gout and rosacea that have permanently disfigured my face, hands, and legs, but I feel we have a lot in common. If you should ever find yourself in the Midwest, be sure to call or email me, because I'd like to meet you in person. I'm sure that we would get on quite nicely and have a lot to talk about.

What kind of movies and music do you like? I have some connections to get theatre tickets in New York if you're ever in the US, and I would love to talk about whatever you'd like over dinner at the Times Square Olive Garden. Do you like Olive Garden? It's one of my favorite Italian restaurants in America.

What movie stars do you like? Have you ever met Zac Effron, Justin Bieber, Taylor Lautner, or Liam Hemsworth? What is your favorite Jonas Brothers album? Do you shop at Aeropostale or Abercrombie? Or do you have a favorite place to shop in Berlin?

Can you send me an autographed photo of yourself just as you're coming out of the water?

Thanks! And call me at 712-732-4157 ANY TIME, DAY OR NIGHT, if you're in America!

I know he's busy with all his Olympic stuff and practice and everything, but I hope he calls, emails or sends a letter with his autographed 8 x 10 glossy.

[Didymus Much]

Originally Posted by H. Montague Worthington

...



...

"Elmerson"?

Didn't Mr. White assume a missionary position (or two) down that neck of the woods back in the mid-90s?

[Elmer G. White]

Originally Posted by Didymus Much

"Elmerson"?

Didn't Mr. White assume a missionary position (or two) down that neck of the woods back in the mid-90s?

Mr. Much,

Verily, those were the days. It was just after I had been re-born in Christ as a New Creature (2 Corinthians 5:17), and my past sins had been washed away by the blood of Jesus Christ (Galatians 6:15). Unfortunately, the Philippines is a revolting country filled with Papist Sodomites and my efforts were mostly in vain but not totally unsuccessful as you may read below.

I do know that as a lewd believer in the atheist heresy, you are also trying to spread some gossip about my whereabouts during those formative years. I can assure you that while the physical act of breeding was and remains a tedious duty for me and my spouse, the Spiritual Act of Breeding Faith in the minds of the unbelievers was and remains my strong point, and there were, in fact, quite a few heathens, who chose to follow Jesus, because of my teachings, and some of these glorious souls decided to name their Male Godly Offspring after yours truly™.

Isaiah 61:6
But ye shall be named the Priests of the LORD: men shall call you the Ministers of our God: ye shall eat the riches of the Gentiles, and in their glory shall ye boast yourselves.

Due to the Spiritual Propagation of Good Looks and Talent, it is not totally excluded that the very handsome young man depicted in the photograph be one of these boys - as an example of the Victories of my Hard Labor that Jesus will reward richly in Heaven.

Philippians 4:19
But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Sadly, you won't be seeing my Celestial good fortune, Mr. Much, as you'll be residing elsewhere (unless you Repent for which I am praying fervently)!




Yours in Christ,

Elmer