General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 571
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: USA #MAGA
|
|
There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-22-2019, 05:39 AM
So I was in school last week and I heard a rumor that Jesse Bumkin is gay. It all started when he was using a pink pencil and a football player shouted “Yo that pencil is gay!”. I thought “oh dear is Jesse gay?! I decided to come up to him and throw a few of my favorite KJV Bible verses to him in hopes it would convert him on the spot. The usual Leviticus 20:13, Timothy 1:10, Jude 1:7, etc. He just stared at me with a confused look and asked what language I was speaking. It is shocking to me as a young 17 year old and I don’t know if it’s been documented or not, but apparently the homer population (most anyway) don’t know a single KJV Bible verse. I told him that I would repeat the verses to him twice a day until he understands he needs to be saved. I need to know what else can be done to save this poor soul. I already have fliers made up which I will post around town and school so that wherever he walks he will know that he’s a walking abomination who needs saving. I don’t even think he realizes he’s G-A-Y even though he’s using a pink gay looking pencil in class. Pa always said “Men don’t have pink things! Get that gay shit outta here”. I always take what Pa says to heart (Proverbs 19:20) and he’s never lied before. That can only mean Jesse Bumkin is gay. How else can I go about converting him to be a straight boy?
My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
|
|
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,730
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-22-2019, 07:11 AM
That's very Christian of you to witness to that wicked queer. However, gay conversion is a complicated process. It only arises from the juxtaposition of God's command to kill sodomites (Leviticus 20:13) with His command that we follow secular law (Romans 13:1). In a society under Biblical law, fags would be subject to summary execution and the issue of conversion would never arise. However, due to bigoted anti-Christian legal prohibitions on gay-killing, there are a number of Godly ex-gays on the LBC forum who have benefited from such programs. As a teenage girl, you have more important concerns, namely finding a suitor before you become an old maid, so the amount you can do is limited. You should heed God's word in Jeremiah 1:7-8 and continue proselytizing on occasion. Remind this Bumkiss or whatever his name was that God hates fags. Print out information on STDS and local gay conversion centers and tape them to his locker. And be sure you make sure everyone in the school is aware of his condition, so they don't get sodomized and infected with the AIDS. For right now, this is about all you can do.
Yours in Christ,
Dennis Lukes
|
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-22-2019, 03:10 PM
Sister Maxi
I am concerned that you didn’t consult with me regarding a more compassionate way of dealing with this situation. First let me assure you: he is not gay just because he has something pink. I have pink dish towels. I have a pink soap dish. Could anyone say I am gay?
Pray for him as you probably do for everyone. Do so without ceasing. After a few fervent prayers strike up a conversation with him and see if he seems normal to you. If he is gay you will be guided by the spirit as to what to do and say. Report back to me if you need further assistance please. I will help you convert him. Hey he could be your future husband that the Lord is sending in a mysterious way to test your Christian witness! Glory!!
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 565
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-22-2019, 05:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry
Sister Maxi
I am concerned that you didn’t consult with me regarding a more compassionate way of dealing with this situation. First let me assure you: he is not gay just because he has something pink. I have pink dish towels. I have a pink soap dish. Could anyone say I am gay?
Pray for him as you probably do for everyone. Do so without ceasing. After a few fervent prayers strike up a conversation with him and see if he seems normal to you. If he is gay you will be guided by the spirit as to what to do and say. Report back to me if you need further assistance please. I will help you convert him. Hey he could be your future husband that the Lord is sending in a mysterious way to test your Christian witness! Glory!!
|
Yes, but Brother, you are so popular you can get away with bearing pink, without anyone batting an eyelash. Not all men can pull off such a feat.
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 571
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: USA #MAGA
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-22-2019, 07:04 PM
I don’t know. I just got out of school and asked around just to confirm if he’s gay or not. A boy said that the last name “Bumkin” sounds like a gay last name to have. That’s the nail in the coffin for me. I just went up to him and asked what he thinks of “Neil Patrick Harris” who is a self confirmed homo and he said “Yeah I like him. He’s funny too!”. How much more proof is needed to confirm him being a homo? Also, the secret fliers I left around after school have disappeared from the walls. Could it be that he took them down himself to hide the fact?
My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
|
|
True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
|
|
Posts: 8,762
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-22-2019, 08:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes
As a teenage girl, you have more important concerns, namely finding a suitor before you become an old maid
|
Brother Dennis, Sir, you make an excellent point. Such difficult matters are best left to experts like Brother Larry. If (heaven forbid!) Miss 2231 were my daughter, I would be advising her to concentrate on prayer, together with diet and exercise to lose some of that puppy-fat. Oh, and lose the spectacles. It's not a good look.
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
|
|
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,730
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-22-2019, 08:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
A boy said that the last name “Bumkin” sounds like a gay last name to have.
|
He's right, it absolutely is. Other gay-sounding names include Gay Talese, Marcia Gay Harden, Oral Roberts, Dick Pound, Kyle Sackrider, Bonar Law, Dick Trickle, Winslow Homer, Gay Saylor, Andy Dick, George Cockburn, Mary Butts, Joe Cocker, Putte Kock, Vera Wang, Anthony Weiner, Ed Balls, Dickie Head, Honoré Balzac, Dong Dong, Oliver Hardy, Willy Busch, Kate Fagan, Cameron Dicker, Dick Butt, Sissy Spacek, Harry Boner, Willie Stroker, Wang Liqin, Dick Colon, B.J. Johnson, Robert Fagot, Hardin Cox, and Randy "The Big Unit" Johnson.
While certainly NOT an indicator of heterosexuality, these faggy names may simply mean that the person's parents hated God and gave their baby a queer name to disrespect Him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
I just went up to him and asked what he thinks of “Neil Patrick Harris” who is a self confirmed homo and he said “Yeah I like him. He’s funny too!”. How much more proof is needed to confirm him being a homo?
|
I'd say you've got him bagged and tagged as a homosexual fag beyond any reasonable doubt. The only way you could get further confirmation is if you were to catch him in the sodomitical act with another gay, and I wouldn't wish such trauma on you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
Also, the secret fliers I left around after school have disappeared from the walls. Could it be that he took them down himself to hide the fact?
|
Maybe, or more likely you have some SJW bullies in your school trying to get Bumkin damned to perdition by enabling his faggotry. Keep at it, Miss Levantine. Use Microsoft Word or Google Drive to print out scripture (I would recommend Leviticus 20:13) and post it around the school. You may want to use a marker to write "FAG" on his locker if the hateful libs keep ripping down your fliers (this is harder to remove but not permanent like spray paint, and is thus not destruction of property that could get you in trouble). Shouting loudly that "Jesse Bumkin is gay!" at a time and place where many students are congregated (such as in the hallway between class periods or in the cafeteria during lunchtime) could also be an effective tactic for spreading the Good Word.
But don't spend too much time and effort on it. A queer's soul really isn't worth much. All you can do is get him to admit he has a problem so that he can seek out adult Christian professionals and get the help he needs. Sister Joanna has given you what seems to be excellent feminine advice in the above post. I certainly wouldn't know, being extremely virile and masculine, a real man's man.
Yours in Christ,
Dennis Lukes
|
|
Forum member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 781
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: The greatest country in the world - United States!
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-23-2019, 01:00 AM
You might want to get some of those "God Hates Fags" signs and place them around the school. Best of luck to you in your quest!
Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman pray unto God uncovered?
1 Corinthians 11:13
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 582
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Under the watchful eye of my husband
|
|
01-23-2019, 01:58 AM
Maxime, I would suggest that you take Mrs. Lytton-Vasey's advice and leave things like this to professionals like Brother Larry. Unlike you, they know what they're doing and how to deal with homers.
And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
|
|
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,730
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-23-2019, 04:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
Oh, and lose the spectacles. It's not a good look.
|
Hey, wait a minute...
|
|
Unsaved trash
|
|
Posts: 59
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-23-2019, 05:49 AM
When a guy uses pink stuff a lot of people immediately assume that he is gay.
|
|
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,730
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-23-2019, 06:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrgrtt123
When a guy uses pink stuff a lot of people immediately assume that he is gay.
|
When a raccoon foams at the mouth, a lot of people immediately assume it is rabid.
|
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-23-2019, 07:40 AM
Maxine,
Young one, you are being caught up in a frenzy. Instead of being caught up in a frenzy, just be still (Psalm 46:10). You are coming close to sitting in the seat of the scornful (Psalm 1:1) and no one wants to be around a bunch of scornful people, least of all a potential husband. Instead of listening to my EXPERIENCED counsel, you've allowed overzealous folk to cloud your opinion.
I would never try to cloud your opinion of the homosexual person; I have my own way of ministering to as many as I can, and it's worked for me. Not ONE gaywise person that I've dealt with would tell you that I am anything but loving, tender, and most of all, a shining example - indeed, a FABULOUS example - of the saving power of our Savior, The Lord Jesus Christ. Oh Hallelujah! Glory to His Amazing Name!
Now go and love this fellow. Instead of looking at the mote in his eye, best be worrying about the beam clouding your vision. (Matthew 7:3)
You're a babe in Christ, actually, so take this time to drink the milk of the Lord's teat. Don't be trying to be another Pastor Ezekiel just yet. And certainly do not profess to be more wise about homers than I am. I will read you like short fiction, gurl.
BrotherLarry
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
|
True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
|
|
Posts: 8,762
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-23-2019, 07:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
Oh, and lose the spectacles. It's not a good look.
|
Hey, wait a minute...
|
I was trying to be polite and avoid saying they were rather - er - "manly" for a young woman, Brother. In your case they are very manly indeed!
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 565
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-23-2019, 10:15 AM
Perhaps a nice pair of lady horn-rims would be suitable? A throw-back to one of the best eras; the 1950's.
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 571
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: USA #MAGA
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-23-2019, 04:05 PM
I have talked it over with my Pa and local pastor. Both have agreed that the young man be consulted with Brother Larry of the Landover Baptist Church to make a final determination as well as a healing process alone with him daily if necessary. Apparently Brother Larry is extremely qualified and has the highest credentials necessary for this issue.
My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
|
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-23-2019, 04:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
I have talked it over with my Pa and local pastor. Both have agreed that the young man be consulted with Brother Larry of the Landover Baptist Church to make a final determination as well as a healing process alone with him daily if necessary. Apparently Brother Larry is extremely qualified and has the highest credentials necessary for this issue.
|
Oh, Sweetie, that's so cute - but it's not going to happen. You see, the Bible encourages us to love one another but if this person is not a True Christian™ I would need a special dispensation from Pastor Ezekiel to have him in my presence - even for such a Godly purpose. When he's saved, sanctified, and filled with the Holy Ghost, look me up. I am honored to be chosen, but TC males do have standards to uphold. It's what Jesus would want.
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 571
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: USA #MAGA
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-23-2019, 04:18 PM
Completely understandable. Bless you kind sir. I will follow your saintly advice as well.
My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
|
|
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,730
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
01-23-2019, 04:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo
Perhaps a nice pair of lady horn-rims would be suitable? A throw-back to one of the best eras; the 1950's.
|
Are you trying to make her look even more like a bulldyke?
She needs to just take the glasses off (and lose the flannel). The only thing a girl needs clear vision for is reading recipes, and at her age she ought to have those memorized.
|
|
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
|
|
Posts: 13
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Mom's Basement
|
|
Re: There’s apparently a gay in my town. -
02-02-2019, 06:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
So I was in school last week and I heard a rumor that Jesse Bumkin is gay. It all started when he was using a pink pencil and a football player shouted “Yo that pencil is gay!”. I thought “oh dear is Jesse gay?! I decided to come up to him and throw a few of my favorite KJV Bible verses to him in hopes it would convert him on the spot. The usual Leviticus 20:13, Timothy 1:10, Jude 1:7, etc. He just stared at me with a confused look and asked what language I was speaking. It is shocking to me as a young 17 year old and I don’t know if it’s been documented or not, but apparently the homer population (most anyway) don’t know a single KJV Bible verse. I told him that I would repeat the verses to him twice a day until he understands he needs to be saved. I need to know what else can be done to save this poor soul. I already have fliers made up which I will post around town and school so that wherever he walks he will know that he’s a walking abomination who needs saving. I don’t even think he realizes he’s G-A-Y even though he’s using a pink gay looking pencil in class. Pa always said “Men don’t have pink things! Get that gay shit outta here”. I always take what Pa says to heart (Proverbs 19:20) and he’s never lied before. That can only mean Jesse Bumkin is gay. How else can I go about converting him to be a straight boy?
|
How can he be gay but not realize it? He is not gay obliviously. Plus, there is nothing wrong with being gay.
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|