[Samuel Levenson]

Hello all. I'm Sam Levenson. Just looking for like-minded people.

[James Hutchins]

Welcome Sam. I cam call you Sam, right! Spectacular!

While I avoid the joos because they tried to kill Jesus, I try and make believe you have renounced those hook nosed money laundering liars and instead found Jesus and all His Perfect Glory. Have you checked http://HeebsRus.com

[Brother Harold Porter]

Hello Sam. Why not put your best foot forward and tell us a bit about yourself, as requested at the top of this forum?

Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

You'll understand that "like minded people" can mean different things. You could be here to join us in praise of Jesus Christ and His eternal gift of Salvation?

Or you could be yet another filthy atheist, that would just as soon smack the Son of God in the head with a sock full of pennies, rather than ask for His forgiveness for your life of sin?

Please tell us more and we can help you find a personal and intimate relationship with Jesus.

In Christ

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Please follow the directions and do what you are told! You are not getting off on the foot, mister.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Samuel Levenson

Hello all. I'm Sam Levenson. Just looking for like-minded people.

Dear Joo;

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[Faith_Machine]

Did the Jew leave yet? I want to take my silver out of its hiding place.

[Samuel Levenson]

Respectfully, Pastor, I'm no Christ-killer. I'd never spit in the eye of baby Jesus by worshiping his Father and ignoring Him. In my opinion, any herb who doesn't recognize their messiah deserves what's coming to them.


I'm a southern Baptist, born and bred. I attend a KJV 1611 independent, fundamental Baptist church, like everyone should. I live in a small town in the deep south, close to where I was born. I moved here twelve years ago. I'm a small business owner. I'm mainly a tax preparer but I also do payroll too.


My business exclusively caters to southern Baptists. I know what the damnable atheists reading this are thinking: "That's discrimination!" I'll have you know that I consulted with my cousin Mort (he's a lawyer) and he said that it's not discrimination if they choose not to do business with me. So let's just say they don't get as many tax breaks if they haven't been to church lately.


Anyway, that's me. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

[James Hutchins]

Originally Posted by Samuel Levenson

Respectfully, Pastor, I'm no Christ-killer. I'd never spit in the eye of baby Jesus by worshiping his Father and ignoring Him. In my opinion, any herb who doesn't recognize their messiah deserves what's coming to them.


I'm a southern Baptist, born and bred. I attend a KJV 1611 independent, fundamental Baptist church, like everyone should. I live in a small town in the deep south, close to where I was born. I moved here twelve years ago. I'm a small business owner. I'm mainly a tax preparer but I also do payroll too.


My business exclusively caters to southern Baptists. I know what the damnable atheists reading this are thinking: "That's discrimination!" I'll have you know that I consulted with my cousin Mort (he's a lawyer) and he said that it's not discrimination if they choose not to do business with me. So let's just say they don't get as many tax breaks if they haven't been to church lately.


Anyway, that's me. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Ah, an accountant. What a surprise.
Tell me, what did you do to lighten Jesus load today?

[Roland]

Originally Posted by James Hutchins

Ah, an accountant. What a surprise.
Tell me, what did you do to lighten Jesus load today?

This, and he didn´t tell us his favourite Bible quote yet.

[Samuel Levenson]

Originally Posted by James Hutchins

Ah, an accountant. What a surprise.
Tell me, what did you do to lighten Jesus load today?

I'm not sure what you mean, James. I keep Bibles on the stands in the waiting area (the tiny New Testaments are only a $10 donation), and I do daily devotionals with my employees. We're a small enterprise so we all sit around the conference table about half an hour before the doors open and talk about whatever Bible verse is in the book that day. Afterwards I invite one of them to pray. The feds say it can't impact their performance reviews but I keep my own personal records of the proceedings.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Hello, could you tell us the name of your church, your walk with Christ, how many children you have, and what your favorite recipe is?

[Roland]

Originally Posted by Samuel Levenson

[...] Afterwards I invite one of them to pray. [...]

And that would be the clean limbed, naïve nephew closest to you?

[James Hutchins]

Originally Posted by Samuel Levenson

I'm not sure what you mean, James. I keep Bibles on the stands in the waiting area (the tiny New Testaments are only a $10 donation), and I do daily devotionals with my employees. We're a small enterprise so we all sit around the conference table about half an hour before the doors open and talk about whatever Bible verse is in the book that day. Afterwards I invite one of them to pray. The feds say it can't impact their performance reviews but I keep my own personal records of the proceedings.

A decent True Christian™ knows exactly what I mean.

You make your employees (force them under threat of gainful employment, with the intention of not paying them if they refuse to capitulate) pray. Yet you make no mention of what YOU do as reparations for your races holocostic deeds against Jesus.
God only cares about those that care about Him. He sees right through a false Christians like sunlight through a skinny 1940's German joo.

Why are you people so selfish?

[Samuel Levenson]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson

Hello, could you tell us the name of your church, your walk with Christ, how many children you have, and what your favorite recipe is?

My walk with Christ is as old as I can remember. I've been toting a Bible to church on Sunday since I was old enough to carry one. Like I said, I attend an independent, fundamental Baptist church somewhere in the south. I'd rather not mention the name pending litigation. I don't like to brag, but I have five children, three of whom have served our Lord by killing infidel scum in some middle eastern sandbox, and two of whom have served our Lord by producing future infidel killers. Favorite recipe? I don't have a favorite recipe. My favorite meal is stewed rabbit with mashed potatoes, gravy, and corn on the cob- served up with a tall glass of sweet tea. My wife does all the cooking and as long as my food comes through the kitchen door good and hot, I don't mind how she gets it that way.

[Samuel Levenson]

Originally Posted by James Hutchins

Yet you make no mention of what YOU do as reparations for your races holocostic deeds against Jesus.

Friend, I'm afraid you have me mistaken for a Joo. Perhaps because of my occupation? In any case, I'm a lily-White Anglo-Saxon Protestant just like yourself. And my employees aren't forced to pray. They're all Southern Baptists like myself, as evidenced by their willingness to pray during devotional meetings- and the fact that there's only one southern Baptist church in this town that preaches the true word, which we all attend.

[Alvin Moss]

Originally Posted by Samuel Levenson

Friend, I'm afraid you have me mistaken for a Joo. Perhaps because of my occupation? In any case, I'm a lily-White Anglo-Saxon Protestant just like yourself. And my employees aren't forced to pray. They're all Southern Baptists like myself, as evidenced by their willingness to pray during devotional meetings- and the fact that there's only one southern Baptist church in this town that preaches the true word, which we all attend.

It is a relief to know that you are not a Jew. Levenson sounds like a Jew name and I was pretty sure you are one. I am glad to know I was wrong, though I am not often wrong about anything. We are not the enemies of Jews here. In fact, we strive to bring them to Jesus, that they may avoid Hell, which they so richly deserve. We have had some small success in that area, but most Jews remain unsaved and Hell bound.


Do tell us more of your adventures with Jesus. God Bless!

[Walter Van Slyke]

Originally Posted by Alvin Moss

It is a relief to know that you are not a Jew. Levenson sounds like a Jew name and I was pretty sure you are one. I am glad to know I was wrong, though I am not often wrong about anything.

Brother Alvin, I believe you were right the first time. Saying someone named Sam Levenson is not a joo is like saying someone named Barack Hussein Obama is not a Kenyan mooselimb. I am sure that if Mr. Levenson were to perform even a perfunctory investigation into his heritage, he would see that this is so.

That said, we rejoice that he has rejected the path of his ancestors that leads to eternal damnation and accepted Jesus wholly!

Also, I for one do not think his being a joo has anything to do with his inability to follow basic instructions and provide us with a favorite Bible verse.

[Witch Hammer]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson

Please follow the directions and do what you are told! You are not getting off on the foot, mister.

Don't be so sure, sister...these joos are a perverse lot.

[Samuel Levenson]

Originally Posted by Walter Van Slyke

Brother Alvin, I believe you were right the first time. Saying someone named Sam Levenson is not a joo is like saying someone named Barack Hussein Obama is not a Kenyan mooselimb. I am sure that if Mr. Levenson were to perform even a perfunctory investigation into his heritage, he would see that this is so.

That said, we rejoice that he has rejected the path of his ancestors that leads to eternal damnation and accepted Jesus wholly!

Also, I for one do not think his being a joo has anything to do with his inability to follow basic instructions and provide us with a favorite Bible verse.

Some years ago my sister hired a professional genealogist to trace our family history. We were all very curious about our roots. Our money was well worth it. The genealogist did a great job. She was able to track our family tree back to the late thirteenth century!


As we expected from our family's oral tradition, we came to America from England where we had lived for as long as anyone could remember. My oldest known direct ancestor, Ezekiel Levenson (born 1254), was a banker of sorts for some very prominent English families. As the genealogist explained, they didn't bank like we think of it now but someone still had to manage the purse strings.


Before about 1250 the records dry up. So as far as I can tell, my family has been of fine English stock for about seven centuries now.

[Samuel Levenson]

Sorry for the double post but I think this is relevant.


I realize that many of you think that I could still be Jewish even though my family history says I'm English. Maybe you think they were secret Jews, practicing their perfidious rituals with Christian infants in the sewers of London. But that can't be the case, and I'll tell you why.


In the year 1290, probably acting under divine guidance, King Edward I told all the Jews to either become Christians or to pack their bags and find some other country to pickpocket. So you see, my family can't be Jewish because if they were they would have left England.


The fact that we were there for another five centuries proves that we can't possibly be Jewish.