[Jo Freddie]

Originally Posted by Levi Jones

My mistress called me a pedophile today.
I told her that's an awfully big word for a 9 year old.

I thought this thread was for jokes not personal news?

[James Dewitt]

Taoism
Shit happens.
Buddhism
If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam
If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Judaism
Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism
This shit happened before.
Hare Krishna
Shit happens rama rama.
Atheism
No shit.
Jehova's Witness
Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism
There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science
Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism
Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this shit.
Existentialism
What is shit anyway?
Stoicism
This shit doesn't bother me.


I like this one damn Catliks ain't got a clue

The drunk in the cathedral
A drunk staggered down the main street of the town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to a cathedral and into the entrance, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional.
A priest had observed all this, and figured the fellow needed some help, so he entered his side of the confessional. After the priest sat there in deathly silence, he finally asked, "May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno," came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any paper on your side?"

[Cigar Manfor Christ]

Originally Posted by James Hutchins

A few days ago, I was out with my wife and I asked her opinion....


Sometimes, I just crack myself up

I laughed at this too--exactly my view, buddy!

[Levi Jones]

I was speaking with a lady the other day and she shared the following tidbit with me.

Her: I like my men like I like my coffee.

Me: Black?

Her: No, ground up and in the freezer.

[AngelClark]

Originally Posted by Hi Shane

He does not have to back that up with script. It is the rightful truth. Do YOU care to back up the fact that they arn't equal with script? And I don't mean bullshit script that could mean what you want if you really thought about it in a different way... script that you dirty, racist, sexist, abusive, power hungry christians use to change peoples minds so that you can be in "power".

I WANT EVERY HARCORE CRISTIAN TO WATCH THE FOLLOWING MOVIE "The Invention Of Lying". It shows what very well may have happened many many years ago. You have NO evidence that everything or anything in the bible is true. I wont lie... I am not religeous but I do agree with SOME of the stuff in the bible (That people should not lie etc.). Be reasonable here... I refuse to follow a religion because there is no evidence that any of it is real. If one of the many religions are real (for sure). Then by all means I would be that religion. But for now there is no evidence that there is a god and there is no evidence that any religion is real.

P.S. If you ban my account or I.P adress it just goes to show that you are scared that people might stop beleaving some of the genuine stuff you people say... Scared that you may lose some of you power.

Suck dick! Pussy beaters! <---Power hungry christians

Think about it.

I can't remember where I read it, but the Bible does state that Wives are to submit to their husbands, I also believe I've read in there where women were to keep silent in church, we are not even supposed to teach in church. Go to your room and read something besides Harry Potter books, a King James Bible perhaps.

[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by AngelClark

I can't remember where I read it, but the Bible does state that Wives are to submit to their husbands, I also believe I've read in there where women were to keep silent in church, we are not even supposed to teach in church.

It's here:

1st Timothy 2:11-12 "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."

Genesis 3:16 "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

[AngelClark]

Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man

It's here:

1st Timothy 2:11-12 "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."

Genesis 3:16 "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Thank you Brother and I'm so very sorry for being on a thread for men only

[Jimmy C Lombardo]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[loveforchrist]

Okay, I have a really funny joke.

It's seriously one of the funniest jokes in history

You should prepare yourself, they joke will make you laugh until you fall over...

Ready?

.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
...........
............
.............
..............
...............
................
.................
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Women's rights...


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, God, I can't even write it without cracking up!

[Benedict A. Davis]

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

What Do You Really Mean?

A motorcycle cop had just pulled over a red Porsche after it had run a stop sign.
"May I see your driver's license and registration please."

"What's the problem, officer?"

"You just ran that stop sign back there."

"Oh come on, pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me."

"Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution."

"You gotta be kidding me!"

"It's no joke, sir."

"Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution."

"That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed come to a complete stop, and you didn't. Now if I may see your license and"

"You've got a lot of time on your hands, pal. What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?"

"Sir, I'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately."

"I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop."

The policeman had enough. "Sir, I can do better than that." He opened the car door, dragged the rude motorist out, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick.

"Now sir, would you like for me to slow down or come to a complete stop?

[Benedict A. Davis]

It was announced today that something has been found to reunite the musical group Nirvana








wait for it......




2 shotgun shells!

[Nobar King]

This is a good one:

A husband and wife came for counselling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I go fishing.

[Righteous Rider]

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained.
"He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."
To which the Captain replied, "He sure is, lady... This is the Staten Island Ferry."

[Tertius The Scribe]

The three C's of womanhood: cooking, cleaning, and childbirth.

...nevermind, this is a joke thread.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

What color are Bin Ladens eyes? Blue... one blew this way, the other blew that way...

I just heard Elton John say, he is going to record a Bin Laden tribute song. He's gonna call it, Sandals in the Bin!

[wait_what]

So one day an American tourist is visiting Ireland.

He stops in a pub to get some advice from an old timer. He finds a nice enough looking old fellow sitting at the bar and offers to buy him a pint if he can tell him about the town around him.

The old man accepts.

As the conversation goes on the old man says:

"Ye see all dem roads out dere?! I built every one of dem with me bare hands. Ye dunnot hear dem callin me Road Buildin Willie now do ye!?"

The young man says no.

He goes on a bit and says:

"Ye see all dem houses out dere?! I built EVERY ONE OF DEM WITH ME BARE HANDS! But ye dunnot hear dem callin me House Buildin Willie, now DO YE!?"

The young man says no.

He points out the window and says:

"YE SEE EVERY ONE OF DEM GARDENS OUT DERE?! I TILLED AND PLANTED EVERY GARDEN AND FARM OUT DERE! BUT YE DUNNOT HEAR DEM CALLIN ME GARDEN PLANTIN WILLIE, NOW DOOOO YEEEEE?!"

The young man is starting to get scared and says, no sir I don't

The old timer lowers his voice, raises his hand with a single index finger pointed in the air and says, "But one bloody sheep. I tell ye boy, one bloody sheep."

[Flaggit]

Originally Posted by Viggo B. Kristoffersen

Slut test!

Him: Are you a whore?
Her: No!
He put $ 10 on the table.
Him: Will you go to bed with me for $ 10
Her: No!
He put $ 100 on the table.
Him: What about now?
Her: No!
He then put $ 500 on the table.
Him: Now?
Her: No!
He puts $ 5000 on the table.
Him: What about now?

Her: Well..... Okay then.

He takes all the money again, except the $ 10

Her: Hey what you doing?
Him: Now that we have stated you are a whore, we can begin to negotiate the price.

Afterthought:
He then cuts her up like an onion, just without the crying.

Winston Churchill told it best!

My entry:


A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a bullfight. They were advertising that they served the balls of the bull who lost the bullfight. Intrigued, the man went inside, only to find that where was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser's balls. So he signed up and came back six weeks later. When he got his meal, there were two teeny, teeny balls on his plate. He called the waiter over to complain.
"I've waited six weeks for bull balls. What are these?"

"Sir," the waiter said, "the bull doesn't always lose."

[New Creation (Recalcitrant)]

Q: Why didn't God make women first?

A: Because she would have told Him he was doing the rest wrong.

[FallenAngel15]

I think you guys need to stop being stupid, sexist, biggots! Women are just as good (If not better) then men. I'm a woman and I am smart, strong, I could take any of you homophobic, sexist gits in a fight. Seriously Jesus loved women equally to men and wouldn't be happy to hear your horrible comments, do unto others as you would have others do unto you right? Would you like to be the butt of some dumb jokes told by dirty old men, insucure about their status in life? And stop gay bashing too! Not cool. you must love your enemy and treat them with unconditional love and with kindm=ness, not cruelty and hate. Not cool christians Not cool

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Originally Posted by FallenAngel15

Women are just as good (If not better) then men.

How are you any better than a male chauvanist?

I'm a woman and I am smart, strong, I could take any of you homophobic, sexist gits in a fight.

How are you any different than an internet tough guy?