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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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Default Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 09-23-2006, 10:23 PM

Pastors, I feel I need some help regarding a very delicate matter.

I have a teenage Daughter who under normal circumstances I would be able to bring under my control using the normal Christian chastisement methods.

However, earlier this year, she ran away with a Negra.
A full-bloodied Buck with Dreadlocks, lots of gold Jewellery and a mind for raping white women and stealing Pies.

My Security eventually tracked them down and dragged her back to Freehold.

The Negra I believe committed suicide on the spot. I guess losing a white woman was more than he could stand, and according to my men, he not only shot himself 25 times in the head but also managed to stagger to a nearby Tree, hang himself by the neck and whilst there, the Demon inserted a Banana into his own Rectum whilst singing a Rap song. (He will surely now be in Hell).

She had been back in Freehold for not quite a month when she ran off again, never to be heard of for 3 months until I got the following in the post.




Please give me some Godly advice on what to do. She seems intent on ruining her True Christian™ upbringing, and this is breaking my heart.

Should I allow her to continue with this freak show romance and hope that it goes away, or should I treat this "object" the same as the Negra?

Yours in Hope and in Christ

Sister Talitha



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Default 09-23-2006, 10:55 PM

Just let her live her own life.


A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
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Default 09-23-2006, 11:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Please give me some Godly advice on what to do. She seems intent on ruining her True Christian™ upbringing, and this is breaking my heart.

Should I allow her to continue with this freak show romance and hope that it goes away, or should I treat this "object" the same as the Negra?

Yours in Hope and in Christ

Sister Talitha
Sister, you have asked the right person. I have actually BEEN to Australia and I can assure you that the picture is authentic. Everyone there looks exactly like that. My advice to you is to have someone 'borrow' her passport so she can't bring something like that back to America. When the state department calls asking you to identify her, tell them you have no daughter.

We have some missionaries in that country as well as a Church in New Zealand feom where we occasionally launch cross-channel raids against the Aussie Goths. Please email me with her address and we'll see what we can do.


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default 09-24-2006, 12:32 AM

I understand your pain Sister, and you would be wise to do as the good Pastor says.
I will pray for you, and hopefully we can even pray together some day.

As for the thing.. I'd be willing to take the contrac.. eh, show him the love of JESUS myself.


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13

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Default 09-24-2006, 12:48 AM

If I may be so bold.....

If that were MY child, I would stone her to death as JESUS commands us.

Helpful, Sister Thumper




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Default 09-24-2006, 02:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Should I allow her to continue with this freak show romance and hope that it goes away, or should I treat this "object" the same as the Negra?
The boy is indeed whiter than blinding white, but there is a definite negrotic attitude about him - his chest is tattooed with a homage to a certain wardrobe malfunction, which would indicate he's only using your daughter until someone bigger, bustier and blacker comes along.

So yes, I would treat him in the same fashion as you did the negro; he's practically begging for such treatment, after all.


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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-08-2006, 05:00 PM

you disgust me, rascist whore sucking slag, i hope you all die very slowly and painfully
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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-08-2006, 07:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by :Aware: View Post
you disgust me, rascist whore sucking slag, i hope you all die very slowly and painfully
You have been sternly warned for insulting one of our SENIOR (sorry Mrs. Rogers) members. In addition, I have assigned extra warning points for poor capitalization!


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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-08-2006, 08:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers View Post
The boy is indeed whiter than blinding white, but there is a definite negrotic attitude about him - his chest is tattooed with a homage to a certain wardrobe malfunction, which would indicate he's only using your daughter until someone bigger, bustier and blacker comes along.

So yes, I would treat him in the same fashion as you did the negro; he's practically begging for such treatment, after all.
Mrs Rogers, as per usual, your words have come true.
The Goth-Like image that she fell in love with only 2 months ago was a passing phase and she has moved on.
I cannot relate here what actually happened, but I'll tell you more when I see you in the Nail Parlour.
Thank you Brother Salvation Seeker for your help in this matter.

She has moved on to another, and I'd like to have an opinion from a Pastor on this new love in her life.
This picture arrived today Postmarked Cuba. The young man's name is Fidel, and from what I can gather he may unfortunately be a Catlicker.
The only Saving Grace so far is that he has a Godly Mullet.
Name:  domullican.jpg
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Size:  40.9 KB

Pastors, your views please.



Sister Talitha

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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-08-2006, 08:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Attachment 163
Pastors, your views please.
This is a picture of the :aware: poster who has been recently banned for disrespecting GOD'S OWN CHURCH. We already have HIS name and address, so it is merely a matter of asking whether you want this nigra to live at Guantanamo or with the fishes.


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-08-2006, 08:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
You have been sternly warned for insulting one of our SENIOR (sorry Mrs. Rogers) members.
Good grief! I believe Aware has something of a crush on me, seeing as he sought out two of my posts in the hope I would pay him some much-needed attention.

He didn't seem like much of a conversationalist anyway.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Mrs Rogers, as per usual, your words have come true.
It is both a blessing and a curse, dear Talitha.

Quote:
The Goth-Like image that she fell in love with only 2 months ago was a passing phase and she has moved on.
I cannot relate here what actually happened, but I'll tell you more when I see you in the Nail Parlour.
I look forward to it; I will present you with an idea I have regarding young Fidel, seeing as he could scrub up quite nicely with a little True Christian™ TLC.



True Christians are Perfect!

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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-08-2006, 08:35 PM

Nicely said!
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Just let her live her own life.
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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-08-2006, 08:47 PM

By letting people lead their own lives we would be doing them a disservice in the blue eyes of Jesus. We are to guide folks toward Jesus and not let them backslide into Satans grasp. That sometimes means a little pushing is required to get the point across that Jesus wants you to behave whether it feels good or not.


God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-08-2006, 09:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers View Post
Good grief! I believe Aware has something of a crush on me, seeing as he sought out two of my posts in the hope I would pay him some much-needed attention.

He didn't seem like much of a conversationalist anyway.


It is both a blessing and a curse, dear Talitha.


I look forward to it; I will present you with an idea I have regarding young Fidel, seeing as he could scrub up quite nicely with a little True Christian™ TLC.

Ew. Why would someone do that to their own skin? Are they THAT hateful to their own skin? I see nothing wrong with her in the Before picture.
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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-08-2006, 09:31 PM

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Originally Posted by TheConfusedOne View Post
Ew. Why would someone do that to their own skin? Are they THAT hateful to their own skin? I see nothing wrong with her in the Before picture.
I would have to agree. Her skin might be darker than others, but it is only skin. We are born with it, are we not?
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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-09-2006, 12:46 AM

In the first photo she appears to be a chink from the phillistines, a cesspool of an island inhabited by mary-worshipping animals and mudslimes. No Godly True Christian female would want such looks. In the secong photo she has improved a bit, but still looks like a slant. I'd at least give her a job as a cook in my scullery if she applied whatever warpaint she has on continuously.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Talitha Talitha is offline
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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-18-2006, 05:29 PM

Well, Praise The Lord©
With help from Brother Salvation Seeker and 2 of my Security staff my daughter has been brought back home to the safety of Freehold.
In the Gun-battle that ensued, tragically her Lover was shot dead and my daughter was also accidentally shot in the head, but she has thankfully survived.
Doctors say she may stay in a Vegetative state for the rest of her life, and presently all she seems to do is make strange noises and dribbles a lot.

I would take care of her myself, but you know how it is with public appearances and Nail Parlour appointments, I never get a moment to myself.

I would ask our Godly©Pastors for guidance as to whether it would be permitted for me to place an advertisement in the Christian Singles Section to see if any man would be interested in her?
She's a good looking girl in spite of part of her head missing, and although she is obviously used goods I'm sure she would still be able to carry Babies for a good christian man who wants a woman who most definately won't back-talk him.

I don't want a cash payment for her as I have plenty of money already, but some kind of Barter would be acceptable.



Sister Talitha

Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-18-2006, 07:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Doctors say she may stay in a Vegetative state for the rest of her life, and presently all she seems to do is make strange noises and dribbles a lot.

I would take care of her myself, but you know how it is with public appearances and Nail Parlour appointments, I never get a moment to myself.

I would ask our Godly©Pastors for guidance as to whether it would be permitted for me to place an advertisement in the Christian Singles Section to see if any man would be interested in her?
She's a good looking girl in spite of part of her head missing, and although she is obviously used goods I'm sure she would still be able to carry Babies for a good christian man who wants a woman who most definately won't back-talk him.
She sounds like she'd be a perfect wife for Brother Mike.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Glendora Christianson Glendora Christianson is offline
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Default Re: Help Please. Your Prayers Required! - 10-19-2006, 06:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Doctors say she may stay in a Vegetative state for the rest of her life, and presently all she seems to do is make strange noises and dribbles a lot. I think she seems interested in asian culture and foods

I would take care of her myself, but you know how it is with public appearances and Nail Parlour appointments, I never get a moment to myself. I especailly have a hard time doing anything productive after leaving those fumy asian nail parlors in the mall.

I would ask our Godly©Pastors for guidance as to whether it would be permitted for me to place an advertisement in the Christian Singles Section to see if any man would be interested in her?
She's a good looking girl in spite of part of her head missing, and although she is obviously used goods I'm sure she would still be able to carry Babies for a good christian man who wants a woman who most definately won't back-talk him. So, it sounds like she qualifies as a Born Again?

I don't want a cash payment for her as I have plenty of money already, but some kind of Barter would be acceptable. This certainlywould qualify her as not being a gold digger.
Sister, I am thrilled to notify you that I have found a match for your somewhat attractive, born again daughter, who has an interst in asian culture and food. Of course, she will be considered a bit geeky, due to her dribbles. Anyway, I have highlighted the compatible attrubutes your daughter has as requested by the young man who wrote the following personal ad:

So, here's the thing. Friday I'm looking to check out a real live Sushi joint, but I don't know anyone that's interested in coming with me. And frankly, there's no way I'm really willing to go in there all by myself. Friend of mine introduced me to the pre-packaged King Soopers variety awhile ago, and now I'm wanting to try the real thing. (It seems the young man could drag your daughter to just about anywhere)

That said, I also wouldn't mind going in with a somewhat attractive woman, so I figured I'd give this a shot. Naturally I've got some qualifications, and I'm not expecting anything sexual to happen out of this, though I certainly wouldn't object to anything developing more than just dinner. (sounds perfect to me!)

So, if you've read this far, I can assume you're at least somewhat interested. Now, as to what I'm looking for. . . (Shallow, I know. But since this is effectively a blind date, I'm a little wary about doing this but thought I'd give it a shot.): Somewhat covers a lot

* You must be interested in asian culture and foods. I'm no expert, but it gives at least one conversation topic. (I think we've already established this, but even if we are wrong, I doubt your daughter will complain)

* Consider yourself a bit geeky. I tend to have some hobbies most would consider a bit odd, including sci-fi and doing a bunch of stuff with computers. So if this doesn't scare you away, keep reading. She dribbles

* Height/weight proportionate, and in general take good care of yourself physically. I'm looking to get back in the gym in a couple weeks here, and I'd prefer someone that tends to be concerned (but not too much) with their appearances. Flaws are okay, just don't be riddled with them. (This is extremely subjective and varies from girl to girl, of course). He said it, not me!

* Be open minded about sex and religion. Like I said, I'm not looking to get laid on the first meeting (But wouldn't object), but I'm fond of ultra conservative religions women, so if you consider yourself a born-again Christian, please do apply. As far as sex goes, I simply want someone who's not going to totally freak out to hear that the blgt community doesn't bother me in the slightest and is interested in trying new (within reason) things. If you happen to know what a Feeldoe is, you get bonus points!* She seems quite literally open minded, since her "accident" and I googled Feeldoe (I'm not sure about this, maybe someone else can explain it: http://www.feeldoe.com/ )

* Be financially secure, or at least not be a golddigger. I'm busy working full time at the moment myself, but I'm not looking to support anyone but me. So if you're wanting a sugar-daddy, you need not apply. I doubt she'll be doing any kind of digging too soon!

* Finally, include a pic! Again, since this is a blind date, I'd like to know who I'll be meeting up with. Be 21+ I've found dating anyone younger can be. . .problematic, and I'd rather not deal with the type of drama that can bring. So if you're STILL interested after slogging through all of this, shoot me an email.

Anyway, Sister Talitha, do you think there's a chance? Caring Mother Glendora


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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