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The Poetaster's Korner Tasteful poetry for JESUS but don't let the flowers fool you. NO HOMERS ALLOWED!

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Default True Christian Limericks - 01-12-2015, 07:50 AM

Disclaimer: the format used in the following poems is not meant to glorify or promote tolerance of the Irish in any way.

There once was a God mocking goth
Who had made The Sweet Savior quite wroth
Judgement day came
Now she's writhing in flame
While Jesus above jeers and scoffs

There once was a coon from Nantucket
Who told our Redeemer to Suck It
A good man overheard
And with nary a word
Cut out it's tongue and then chucked it

There once was a homer from France
With a zipper in back of his pants
The laws of The Lord
He steadfastly ignored
Now on satan's griddle he'll dance
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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 01-12-2015, 08:28 AM

There once was a priest from Rome
Who took boys to St Peters Dome.
When the parents found out
The law they did flout
And the priest never made it home.


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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 01-12-2015, 09:48 PM

A bird and a bat, having met,
Saw that the stage had been set:
Said the bat, “I’m a bird.”
Said the bird, “I have heard.”
And this remains true even yet.





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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 01-12-2015, 11:58 PM

Isn't poetry something for gays?


Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 01-13-2015, 04:14 AM

There once was a scotsman named Séamus
Who played the bag-pipes with his anus
Whilst buried b@lls-deep
In the gut of a sheep
Thus encurring God's writ of mandamus
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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 01-13-2015, 04:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
Isn't poetry something for gays?
There once was a cranky old man
Who poetry wanted to ban.
"I'm sure that it's gay
Well, it was in my day"
Yet of Psalms, he is a great fan.


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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 01-13-2015, 06:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
Isn't poetry something for gays?
There once was a miserable coot,
Said, "He who likes poems is a fruit!
Sagacious rhymes
Are serious crimes!
And stop putting stuff up your 'chute!"

From someone of calmer repute,
"Take that bend right out of your snoot.
The poems in the Bile
Meet not your denial
And irony's not your strong suit".


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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 01-13-2015, 07:58 AM

The old man is correct in a way
Most verse is incredibly gay
But with prayer and resolve
The problem is solved
And we compose without lisp or sashay

So be kind to the dotard old fellow, (no offence, Brother COM)
Rheumy eyed with teeth that are yellow (a glorious shade of yellow, I must say)
He's more righteous than many
And of your crap, won't take any
So please stop pumping lucifer's bellows
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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 01-17-2015, 04:55 AM

This ode is to Pope Frankie's mom.
At gangbangs she was quite the bomb,
She only felt right
When completely airtight
With Bathfire, Flint (elder), and COM.


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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 01-17-2015, 05:00 AM

Pope Frankie's mom was a whore,
Selling favours be it in or out-door,
She'd say with a grin,
As she wiped off her chin,
"Next customer, please, I want more".


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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 01-17-2015, 05:12 AM

Frankie's mom was a two-bit mantrap,
With a few rotten teeth in her yap,
If some john would not pay,
She'd smile (ewww!) and say,
"'S'ok, hon, you've now got the clap".


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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 01-17-2015, 04:26 PM

Ezekiel 16:49
does not give you reason to whine.
stop bopping your knob
and go find a job
and stop asking for what is mine.


"Come Unto Me. Put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath." (Matthew 19:14, Job 1:11).
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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 01-17-2015, 06:16 PM

Genesis Exodus Nehemiah,
Esther Proverbs Obadiah,
Kings Ezra Haggai -
Amos Ruth Malachi.
Micah Nahum Zephaniah!

Mark, Luke, 1 Corinthians,
Galatians Acts Philippians.
Hebrews James Peter 1,
Revelation Mark John…
Philemon Titus Ephesians!


(I'm sure those who are aware of "Project Habakkuk will understand.)





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Poordumbdirt is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Poordumbdirt is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Poordumbdirt is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 04-07-2015, 01:52 AM

invest-I-gations complete
will render Pud, oh-fficial meat


infractions, ungorn
welcome, outworn
hold pattern here, short and sweet
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Alvin Moss's Avatar
Alvin Moss Alvin Moss is offline
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Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 04-07-2015, 02:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poordumbdirt View Post
invest-I-gations complete
will render Pud, oh-fficial meat


infractions, ungorn
welcome, outworn
hold pattern here, short and sweet

A heathen hath come here among us,
Pretending a love for sweet Jesus.
He thinks he's a poet,
Though you wouldn't know it,
And he's going to Hell, whether it rhymes or not.


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Poordumbdirt Poordumbdirt is offline
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Posts: 21
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: With the HG indwelling
Poordumbdirt is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Poordumbdirt is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Poordumbdirt is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 04-07-2015, 02:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin Moss View Post
A heathen hath come here among us,
Pretending a love for sweet Jesus.
He thinks he's a poet,
Though you wouldn't know it,
And he's going to Hell, whether it rhymes or not.

It all started with mention of Stryper
ensemble of toons, here named viper
rock for the Lord
decried a dis'chord
Good Youth, rendered saucy & hyper
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Brother Edward Brother Edward is offline
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Brother Edward has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Edward has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Edward has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Edward has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Edward has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Edward has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Edward has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Edward has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Edward has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Edward has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Edward has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 11-08-2015, 06:13 PM

There once was a negroe named Tyson
Who hated God and was not a nice one
till one day he died
And in hell he fried
In burning brimstone he begs to die, son
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Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

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Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 11-08-2015, 08:01 PM

Satan made the people go crazy.
Their hearts Fill'd with lust all got hazy
In bad stuff they were in
They died cuz of sin
And were lost for'ver and that's crazy!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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TamiJanMartiKarlaFay's Avatar
TamiJanMartiKarlaFay TamiJanMartiKarlaFay is offline
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Forum Member
 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: in a state. not vegetative, but persistant.
TamiJanMartiKarlaFay is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.TamiJanMartiKarlaFay is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: True Christian Limericks - 11-09-2015, 10:02 AM

There once as a girl from Nantucket
Who milked sweet cream in a bucket--
A maiden so pure
that's she's able to endure
Rhymes that end "Oh #$&^$#ck it."


I rebuke the sinner with meek and sisterly VENOM.
"All fat is the Lord's." LEVITICUS 3:12

Last edited by TamiJanMartiKarlaFay; 11-09-2015 at 10:05 AM. Reason: punctuation, baby!
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