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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 521
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Somewhere in Miami Beach....
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Re: Dating Tips for Christian Men -
11-06-2006, 04:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by adiaa
i dont give a **** if my hair gets messed up???? u guys are psyhco
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I don't get it. Why in the world would her hair get messed up?!
Very confused,
Moon
You pray...I dance naked in the forest
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Dating Tips for Christian Men -
11-06-2006, 03:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonFlower
I don't get it. Why in the world would her hair get messed up?!
Very confused,
Moon
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Frankly, I'd think that when she's floating for eternity in hellfire, the state of her hair would be the least of her concerns. People say some odd things.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
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Re: Dating Tips for Christian Men -
11-07-2006, 08:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
If you have grown up in a Christian home that believes in the Holy Bible, then most certainly, you have limited yourself to chaperoned dating until the age of 21. If you are truly saved, it is not until your 21st birthday, that the thought of dating someone without adult supervision would even enter your mind.
These tips are for Christian men, age 21 or older. If you are truly saved, you are looking for a woman who will serve you and who loves the Lord as much as you do. You are looking for a woman who has kept herself pure for her future husband and for the Lord Jesus Christ. You are looking for a woman who knows how to cook and sew, a woman who can keep house. You are looking for a woman who will not squander your income or lean toward gossip. You are looking for a woman who will submit and obey, for there is no other way for a marriage to honor God without following the strict Biblical principles that God has laid out for us in the Bible.
If you have found such a creature and she is not bobbed of hair, nor wont for excess in make-up or lewd attire, then you must prepare yourself for a first date. Here are a few tips to get you prepared for your first date.
GODLY SECRETS TO DATING SUCCESS
1. COMB YOUR HAIR
Head lice are very common among Christian men, especially Pentecostals. Although it is a normal and natural blessing from God to have head lice, you should certainly wash your hair before your date if only for the reason to avoid the temptation of putting your arm around the young lady while lifting to scratch your head.
2. PRAY
Spend the day before your date with at least 6-hours of solitary prayer in a prayer-closet or a confined area. Ask the Lord to guide your words and actions. Ask Jesus to help you control your lust and pray that you will have a nightly emission before the date, thus making it easier for your carnal mind to operate on a level that is strictly spiritual. Do not masturbate in your prayer-closet unless you are thinking about Jesus. Click here for more detailed spiritual guidance on masturbation.
3. PURCHASE A RING
Visit a jewelry store and purchase a diamond ring. For the Christian man, every date is a potential mate. If she is the right gal, you will want to pop the question as soon as possible. It is always handy to have the engagement ring available.
4. RECITE VERSES
When you are on the date, use awkward moments of silence to quote scripture, or sing a favorite hymn. All women are impressed with such things. If she is not woo'd by this, it is a sign that she might be possessed by a demon. Take her to your church and drop her off by the back gate with a note to the pastor taped to her forehead. Be sure to secure her to a tree or post using chains or rope so that she won't get away during the night.
5. SPRUCE UP!
Wear Christian cologne. The only Christian cologne available is "Betty Bowers' The Essence Of Christian Men." If you do not have any Christian cologne, rub your face in a Bible until you smell like the pages.
6. TAKE HER TO VISIT GOD
The best place for a first date is church. Oh, how impressed your sweetheart will be when she finds out you are taking her to Sunday evening services! Then, a romantic dinner at Denny's!
7. GRILL HER FAITH
Use the time at the restaurant to find out if your sweetheart is really saved. Question her salvation at least 15 times. Make sure she knows the exact day and hour (and preferably the exact minute) she met Jesus.
8. KEEP THE PASSION SUPPRESSED
If the bandage work on your penis fails in the slightest bit, excuse yourself for the men's room and re-adjust the harnessing.
9. PRACTICE YOUR LINES
Some Christian phrases that will help you "woo" the lesser sex are, "I'm almost as crazy about you as I am about Jesus," "Your long hair is the glory of your humility (I Corinthians 11: 11-15)," and "God broke the mold when he made your sweet face."
10. SQUELCH YOUR PASSION
If you have not had a nightly emission before your date, make certain that you take extra precaution. Use an ace bandage or knitting yarn to tie your penis back against your stomach or underneath your hiney. If you tuck instead of tie, make sure that the tip of your penis does not curl back far enough to enter the hole in your hiney where you go poopy out of - otherwise you might accidentally sodomize yourself and inadvertently become a homosexual.
11. AVOID TOUCHING!
Make certain that there is no personal contact (PC) on this first date. Even if she has said "yes" to marriage, it is highly recommended that you refrain from even holding hands for at least two years until the courtship is over and you are whisked away on your honeymoon!
Follow these dating tips for Christian men and you are sure to find a life partner that is suitable, submissive, and steadfast.
And most importantly: DO NOT share these secrets with females!!
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After reading this, the reason Glendora posted the 'sex before 30' thread is suddenly clearer.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Dating Tips for Christian Men -
11-07-2006, 12:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
After reading this, the reason Glendora posted the 'sex before 30' thread is suddenly clearer.
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And you have earned a shiny new batch of infraction points for your persistance in skulking about in the MEN's ONLY section of this Godly forum. You will get your fat butt banned if you keep it up!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 41
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Meet Christian Singles
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Re: Dating Tips for Christian Men -
11-10-2006, 06:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
8. KEEP THE PASSION SUPPRESSED
If the bandage work on your penis fails in the slightest bit, excuse yourself for the men's room and re-adjust the harnessing.
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c'mon now, you christers dudes visit the bathroom to 're-adjust' even when the bandage is working ok.... but bro, it's no surprize that your Man Stuff© is broked and needs bandaged, with all that Man Handling©.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera
(I'm guessing that's what a Den of Iniquity would smell like: Cigarette butts, ripped-up Lottery Tickets, "Fuzzy Navels" - that sort of thing.)
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You oughta get that waxed, sweetcheeks.
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Wretched Unsaved Goth Ixi, have you done your homework yet?
Forum Member
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Posts: 844
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ...
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Re: Dating Tips for Christian Men -
11-13-2006, 08:11 PM
Shes talking about how a Christain woman must always have neat hair or something.
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Dating Tips for Christian Men -
11-15-2006, 05:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ixi
Shes talking about how a Christain woman must always have neat hair or something.
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Get out of here you filthy little heathen! This is a MEN ONLY area!!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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On Extended Furlough
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,784
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Dating Tips for Christian Men -
11-28-2006, 07:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by VinnieVespisti
is broked and needs bandaged
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Is "broked"?
"needs bandaged"?
What language is that? No Christian man would mutilate English in such a heathenistic manner.
The good pastor's equipment, to my knowledge, is not "broken", nor does it "need bandaging". Except for that little sore, but he got a shot for that.
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