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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-10-2014, 01:56 PM
Operation Flappy Bird: a decisive victory for our Prayer Warriors!
It all began when our recovering pornography addicts stopped rebounding to crystal meth. No, their new addiction of choice was an online game called "Flappy Bird".
One of our more severe cases, I'll call him "Joe", has identified what species "Flappy Bird" is:
It's Panurus biarmicus, also know as the "bearded tit". (Joe's got a good eye, but I don't know if he's an expert birdwatcher, or just an expert on tits)
Anyway, do you see what flappy bird has done? FLAPPY BIRD IS A TIT SIMULATOR! When your children play Flappy Bird, YOUR CHILDREN ARE PLAYING WITH TITS!
The Vietnam Connection
When I found out Flappy bird's creator is a guy name "Dong", I thought that was just an dirty online internet username. But it turns out that Flappy Bird is the second video game to have a Vietnam creator. (The first one was a Call Of Duty mod called four random numbers that nobody can remember. A game so bad that even though it was about shooting French people, it still wasn't much fun. How can you manage to screw THAT up?)
Having seen the devastating effects of Japan's virtual pearl harbor, we have decided that Vietnam's fledgling video game industry must be nipped in it's mediocre, absurdly derivative bud.
Quote:
Sure, today they're copying pipes, but tomorrow they might figure out how to draw pipes by themselves. Vietnam is approaching escape velocity, people.
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Thing got so out of hand they were proposing updating the Vietnamese flag:
Flappy Bird is now crunchy drumsticks
Oh ye of little faith - who claimed that the money donated to our prayer warriors was being wasted. From OCD nitpickers who demanded more detailed accounting, to paranoids who said the donations were being pocketed. See how the wonder working power of the LORD has humbled you.
How we put Flappy Bird back in its cage
I promise, I WILL get to this - but our prayer warriors, missionaries, lobbyists, copywrite lawyers, internet/online astroturf campaign experts, and activist investors need to keep their secrecy. Since I was only a small player in this operation, I will allow the real players to reply and disclose how we killed Flappy Bird, and stamped out the entire tit simulation genre in it's cradle (training bra?)
Come on on heroes, don't be so modest! If you're online, tell us about it!
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
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Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 02-12-2014 at 02:03 AM.
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Unsaved trash, retarded scotish whore
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Posts: 120
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Blackpool
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-10-2014, 02:10 PM
Are you serious...flappy bird is a game. A low quality...pixilated game where you make a bird go through pipes....how is that anything to do with crystal meth? Seriously, addictive games aren't real. You can't get addicted to a game, you just don't. I have the game and when I fail on it I just laugh and carry on...because it's a game! Aren't there bigger things to worry about than a game on your phone!?
Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-10-2014, 02:19 PM
Kids, kids….I know you're impatient to hear the whole story.
No, we didn't "hack" anything. We - or rather the awesome power the GOD ALMIGHTY - influenced Dong to repent of his wicked ways. Getting an undisclosed K Street lobby firm to astroturf the internet comment campaign was only the tip of the iceberg. We got some copywrite lawyers on the case, but that's still only part. The full story of how we did it is inspirational but also involves top-secret Prayer Warrior information, and I don't know how much they are authorized to disclose.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demonic Joker
Aren't there bigger things to worry about than a game on your phone!?
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No.
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 322
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Republic of Alaska (NOT the U.S.A.!)
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-10-2014, 04:17 PM
Why would a bird dodge PIPES? I mean, why not something that actually makes sense, like wind turbines, or skyscrapers, or airplanes? Or cats?
Are video game designers all on LSD?
#forevertrump: Supporter of The Donald as president-for-life! #MAGAlomaniac!
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-10-2014, 04:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sally Paulson
Why would a bird dodge PIPES? I mean, why not something that actually makes sense, like wind turbines, or skyscrapers, or airplanes?
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None of those technologies are well-known in vietnam. It's a very backward place. Even their pipes are bamboo, that's why the pipes in Flappy Bird are green.
They ate them all long ago.
Quote:
Are video game designers all on LSD?
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Again, they're too backward for that level of technology. They do lick toads though.
Vietnam is pathetic, they're like China's Mexico. Why are they so poor? It's not like anybody has been holding them back.
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
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Unsaved trash, retarded scotish whore
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Posts: 120
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Blackpool
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-10-2014, 04:31 PM
How can a snake talk to humans and tell them to eat an apple and suddenly everything hits the fan? Games aren't logical. Nothing is really logical. We're all just dust floating in the universe.
Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-10-2014, 04:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demonic Joker
We're all just dust floating in the universe.
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She wanted to know if video game designers are on LSD. Nobody cares what you're on.
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,742
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Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-10-2014, 04:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond
We got some copywrite lawyers on the case, but that's still only part. The full story of how we did it is inspirational but also involves top-secret Prayer Warrior information, and I don't know how much they are authorized to disclose.
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Not much, but that's only because our Jew Lawyers are nags and harp on us all day and night if we do. It's just easier to keep them quiet if we don't get into it very much. Suffice it to say, it was a success, we are physically and mentally exhausted, but spiritually empowered, and again we see the is faithful!
Know therefore that the Lord thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations
Deuteronomy 7:9
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Apostle to the Samites and Laplander Eskimos.
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Posts: 5,720
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Surrounded by feral eskimos.
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-10-2014, 05:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond
Come on on heroes, don't be so modest!
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GLORY!
Truly another great victory for Prayer Warriors! Spending most of the last summer killing trees with prayers as Jesus taught really paid off.
( Matthew 21:18-22
18 Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he hungered.
19 And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away.
20 And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, How soon is the fig tree withered away!
21 Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.
22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.)
So far I have only managed to move mountains just a little bit, but it already feels like my prayers are now much more potent. First, I was able to pray downfall of that evil Nelson Mandela and now this.
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,666
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-10-2014, 06:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demonic Joker
How can a snake talk to humans and tell them to eat an apple and suddenly everything hits the fan? Games aren't logical. Nothing is really logical. We're all just dust floating in the universe.
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The Bible is perfectly logical. Why would Jesus endure torture if there were no Original Sin polluting every human inherited from Adam, corrupted by Eve, envenomed by Satan?
You might feel like you're floating in space but Christians are rooted:
EPHESIANS 3
17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God
KJV .. look up . context Jesus is knocking - and NO, that doesn't mean knocking His head on a pipe. He is knocking on your heart. Let Him in today so you may be rooted too.
__________________________________________________
Revelation 3:20
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock:
if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him,
and will sup with him,
and he with me.
HALLEJUJAH!
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Location: Chesapeake, Virginia
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-11-2014, 06:55 AM
It is always a good day for devout men and women of faith when a wicked device of evil has been destroyed. This shows we can destroy such popular games, so now we must move on to work to destroy other despicable "games" such as Grand Theft Auto and Fallout! We can do it provided we put our faith in the Good Lord!
Save your children from the Evils of the Media!
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,666
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-11-2014, 07:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harrison
Grand Theft Auto
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Now there you've hit the nail on the head. Is there a demonic behaviour not endorsed by that monstrosity? I do not play computer games as a rule because you never know what's around the next corner. Aqua even devoted a song to these sex obsessed tools of satanic indoctrination:
Last edited by Dr Laurence Niles; 02-13-2014 at 05:30 PM.
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Unsaved Trash, filthy obese repulsive godmocking whore
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Posts: 61
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Godless Scotland
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-11-2014, 10:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor
Now there you've hit the nail on the head. Is there a demonic behaviour not endorsed by that monstrosity? I do not play computer games as a rule because you never know what's around the next corner. Aqua even devoted a song to these sex obsessed tools of satanic indoctrination:
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MitzaLizalor, Aqua released the song before the doll even came out so please check your facts before posting such things.
This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN
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True Christian™ with a quiverful
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Posts: 2,243
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-11-2014, 11:01 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by demonjokester
MitzaLizalor, Aqua released the song before the doll even came out so please check your facts before posting such things.
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Ummm .... Barbie first hit the shelves in 1959, 55 years ago.
Don't know when Aqua released the song, and I don't really care, but it certainly wasn't pre 1959. Who's the silly mormon who doesn't check their facts?
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,666
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-11-2014, 11:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven
Ummm .... Barbie first hit the shelves in 1959, 55 years ago.
Don't know when Aqua released the song, and I don't really care, but it certainly wasn't pre 1959. Who's the silly mormon who doesn't check their facts?
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Satan does that to people. Take a look at this
Barbie on birds
I thought the video combined Bird and Grand Theft quite well, but could be deluded of course [subject to Pastoral approval]. The tit in particular being almost identical.
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-11-2014, 01:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by demonjokester
MitzaLizalor, Aqua released the song before the doll even came out so please check your facts before posting such things.
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Hey, don't pick on Aqua, they may sound dated today but they were ahead of their time.
They were a big influence on Buddy Holly, for example.
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
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Ex-hero, almost honorably discharged
True Christian™
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Location: Somebody's couch
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-11-2014, 02:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demonic Scottish Whore
flappy bird is a game. A low quality...pixilated game
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That's awfully harsh. Flappy Bird has graphics on par with CGI from the latest Hollywood movies…
…If you're talking about Birdemic - Shock and Terror, that is.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-11-2014, 03:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demonic Scottish Whore
You can't get addicted to a game
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Really... (click the link to see just how wrong you are)
I am glad our prayers killed this floppy bird game. No doubt only election stealing, KFC gobbling, America haters could be interested in a game about a chicken.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Descended from Rapes
True Christian™
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Location: Freehold Bible Campground and RV Park.
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Re: How WE KILLED FLAPPY BIRD! -
02-11-2014, 03:58 PM
If you don't think the game is perverted check out this early demo!
Fapping Bird indeed!
Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
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Tags
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addiction, apple, apple:cult of nerds, asians, astroturf, birds, copywrite, evil video games, fappy bird, lawyer, mario, plagerism, prayer warriors at attention, super mario brothers, tit simulator, tits, toad licking, video games, vietnam |
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