Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed! |
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Mustache Rides -
09-17-2008, 08:15 PM
Cunnilingus is a despicable and lewd act that has no place in a Christian bedroom. The Lord doesn't want us to eat cooters. If He did, cooters would have built-in condiment stations.
I cannot comprehend why any man would want to eat a cooter, but if the idea has entered your mind, here are a few good reasons why you shouldn't:
1. Cooter demons. Cooters are dark and damp--the perfect conditions for not only mushrooms and woodlice, but demons as well. If you place your open mouth on a cooter, you run a very real risk of demonic possession. Now, I am so virtuous that I could ingest an army of demons and crap them out without so much as a pang of indigestion, but the average man is not nearly so morally robust.
2. Mushrooms and woodlice. Cooters have them. Lots of them. And most varieties of cooter mushrooms are poisonous.
3. Loss of authority. Performing cunnilingus puts you in a state of submission. Your wife will become the dominant one and start making decisions. Since women have oatmeal for brains, all of your hard-earned money will be squandered on doilies, scented candles, and self-improvement books.
You will, for all intents and purposes, have become the woman in the relationship. If, God forbid, this happens to you, the best thing you can do is trick your wife into orally gratifying you so that you have the upper hand again. Since most women don't like to go down "there," tell her there's a tabloid magazine or a bar of chocolate tucked between your legs.
You've been warned, gentlemen. Be wise and instead use your tongues for saying prayers and spreading the Word of God. Praise Jesus.
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Righteous and Patriotic Highest body count at the VFW
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Re: Mustache Rides and You -
09-17-2008, 08:19 PM
Don't they pee out of it too?
That's just demented and wrong.
God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Re: Mustache Rides and You -
09-17-2008, 10:22 PM
I understand, Brother Hatchet. Women have asked me before, but when they get that 'look', they usually defer.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: Mustache Rides and You -
09-17-2008, 10:41 PM
I have no earthly idea what all of this is about. How could I? I'm not even in here
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Sinner Who Has Found the Truth©
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Re: Mustache Rides and You -
09-18-2008, 12:32 AM
You are so right Brother Hatchet we do not eat clams, why would any True Christian Male™ even contemplate eating a cooter?
God commanded that we men utilize other parts of the female.
Proverbs 5:19
Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
YIC
Leviticus 26:27-29
27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 217
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Re: Mustache Rides and You -
09-18-2008, 01:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV
I have no earthly idea what all of this is about. How could I? I'm not even in here
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What is cunningless? Is this a stupid person? And why would anyone want to ride a mustache? I hope this isn't something our sweet lil Sister Sue might be offended by.
Investment Portfolio = Canned Goods, Automatic Weapons and a KJV1611 Bible!
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
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Re: Mustache Rides and You -
09-18-2008, 03:45 AM
What in the SAM HELL BLAZES is goin' on in here!?!
I thought mustache rides were sweeping a ditry room out.!!!!!!
Have those filthy, HELLBOUND Faggots managed to make that disgusting too?!!!?
GOOD GOD how I cannot WAIT for the FRIGGIN' Rapture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Absolutely Disgusted, Sister Thumper
Sweet Lorda Mercy I thought yoy guys were talking about Colonel Angus" watch out Melinda, once you've been introduced to Colonel Angus, you'll settle for nothing less..."
http://www.livevideo.com/video/EFD20...nel-angus.aspx
You all need to go stand in a corner with you nose against the wall for at least and HOUR until you've realized what you are putting out there. I'll tap you on the head when it's time to come out.
THE SHAME!!!!!!!
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Helping boys become upright model citizens
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 05:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
Cunnilingus is a despicable and lewd act that has no place in a Christian bedroom.
...
You've been warned, gentlemen. Be wise and instead use your tongues for saying prayers and spreading the Word of God. Praise Jesus.
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Amen, Brother Hatchet. The very idea invokes my gag reflex.
I will banish thoughts of disgusting oral sex from my mind by continuing my daily Bible reading. I am up to Song of Solomon, chapter 3. Last night I read Chapter 2. Part of it reads:
Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods,
So is my beloved among the sons.
I sat down in his shade with great delight,
And his fruit was sweet to my taste.
Isn't that nice? What a beautiful image of a picnic in an autumn field!
My sincere apologies for hijacking the thread. I just thought I would share in my disgust for this unspeakable act and try to distract with reference to some of the more peaceful and poetic parts of God's holy word.
"Come Unto Me. Put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath." (Matthew 19:14, Job 1:11).
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 05:40 AM
Those words are beautiful, Brother Alex. Your commentary is welcome here.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Unsaved trash, hippie dopehead
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Posts: 156
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 10:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
1. Cooter demons. Cooters are dark and damp--the perfect conditions for not only mushrooms and woodlice, but demons as well. If you place your open mouth on a cooter, you run a very real risk of demonic possession. Now, I am so virtuous that I could ingest an army of demons and crap them out without so much as a pang of indigestion, but the average man is not nearly so morally robust.
2. Mushrooms and woodlice. Cooters have them. Lots of them. And most varieties of cooter mushrooms are poisonous.
3. Loss of authority. Performing cunnilingus puts you in a state of submission. Your wife will become the dominant one and start making decisions. Since women have oatmeal for brains, all of your hard-earned money will be squandered on doilies, scented candles, and self-improvement books.
You will, for all intents and purposes, have become the woman in the relationship. If, God forbid, this happens to you, the best thing you can do is trick your wife into orally gratifying you so that you have the upper hand again. Since most women don't like to go down "there," tell her there's a tabloid magazine or a bar of chocolate tucked between your legs.
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This is blatant misinformation and it's also very sexist. Most women are intelligent, good with money and deserve respect. They don't squander money on "doilies, scented candles, and self-improvement books." You are so out of touch it's ridiculous. Doilies? Most middle-aged or younger women don't care about buying doilies. If they do, they buy cheap paper ones, not the fancy cloth ones that old ladies like. Also all women don't read tabloid magazines. Quit generalizing like that. It's demeaning and dismissive and quite frankly it offends me as a man who prides himself on being sensitive to women's rights. For the record, I love performing cunnilingus. The vagina is a beatiful thing. It does not contain mushrooms or demons or woodlice. Life flows out of it and it should inspire awe not disgust.
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 10:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb
This is blatant misinformation and it's also very sexist. Most women are intelligent, good with money and deserve respect. They don't squander money on "doilies, scented candles, and self-improvement books." You are so out of touch it's ridiculous. Doilies? Most middle-aged or younger women don't care about buying doilies. If they do, they buy cheap paper ones, not the fancy cloth ones that old ladies like. Also all women don't read tabloid magazines. Quit generalizing like that. It's demeaning and dismissive and quite frankly it offends me as a man who prides himself on being sensitive to women's rights. For the record, I love performing cunnilingus. The vagina is a beatiful thing. It does not contain mushrooms or demons or woodlice. Life flows out of it and it should inspire awe not disgust.
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Can anyone seriously continue to deny that c*********s causes demon possession after reading that stream of filth? I'm going to have to wash my eyes out with soap, water, and possibly also a bit of lye after reading that.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 12:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb
The vagina is a beatiful thing.
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There is evidence to the contrary.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb
It does not contain mushrooms or demons or woodlice.
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I could easily get no less than fifty respected cooterologists to validate my statement about mushrooms and woodlice, and only a retard would suggest that demons DON'T inhabit cooters. It's just common sense. Cooters are dark, fetid places of unfathomable torment--quite similar to Hell. Demons feel at home in them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb
Life flows out of it.
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As does blood, harlot juices, urine, and concentrated sulfuric acid.
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SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 12:27 PM
CENSORED do not contain demons - demons do not exist. CENSORED do not contain mushrooms or woodlice either.
Most women love having a man CENSORED, and there are few things more enjoyable in bed than a CENSORED and a good CENSORED if the man knows how to CENSORED the CENSORED the right way.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 12:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
CENSORED do not contain demons - demons do not exist. CENSORED do not contain mushrooms or woodlice either.
Most women love having a man CENSORED, and there are few things more enjoyable in bed than a CENSORED and a good CENSORED if the man knows how to CENSORED the CENSORED the right way.
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I see Pastor Ezekiel in his infinite wisdom has already given you an infraction. Continue the bawdy talk and you will be banned.
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Helping boys become upright model citizens
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 03:13 PM
I think a man should keep his face as far away from there as possible. If I even THINK I can smell one during a business meeting, I leave the conference room.
"Come Unto Me. Put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath." (Matthew 19:14, Job 1:11).
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Unsaved trash, hippie dopehead
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Posts: 156
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 03:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance
Can anyone seriously continue to deny that c*********s causes demon possession after reading that stream of filth? I'm going to have to wash my eyes out with soap, water, and possibly also a bit of lye after reading that.
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If you think my post was filthy, then you probably don't want to read the erotic novel I'm working on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
There is evidence to the contrary.
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I've seen the uncensored versions of those photos and they are not bad at all. Britney and Paris keep themselves nice and clean and shaven. I would happily perform cunnilingus on either one of them. You have some nerve talking about their private parts. What does your private area look like?
Quote:
I could easily get no less than fifty respected cooterologists to validate my statement about mushrooms and woodlice, and only a retard would suggest that demons DON'T inhabit cooters. It's just common sense. Cooters are dark, fetid places of unfathomable torment--quite similar to Hell. Demons feel at home in them.
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That is totally absurd. If you ask me it sounds like a certain old man is coming down with Alzheimers.
Quote:
As does blood, harlot juices, urine, and concentrated sulfuric acid.
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Harlot juices is very offensive and disrespectful to women. Love juices sounds better. Also vaginas don't contain concentrated sulfuric acid. Only an old man with Alzheimers would believe something that ridiculous.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 03:50 PM
Why would you come to a Christian forum to display your dirty secrets?
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Professor of Engrish
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Posts: 443
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Location: original is Japan but now am student in America here (am go for be engineer)
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 03:50 PM
I need grow mustache!
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Unsaved trash, hippie dopehead
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 03:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
Why would you come to a Christian forum to display your dirty secrets?
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What dirty little secrets?
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God Squad
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Re: Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!) -
09-18-2008, 04:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb
If you think my post was filthy, then you probably don't want to read the erotic novel I'm working on.
I've seen the uncensored versions of those photos and they are not bad at all. Britney and Paris keep themselves nice and clean and shaven. I would happily perform cunnilingus on either one of them. You have some nerve talking about their private parts. What does your private area look like?
That is totally absurd. If you ask me it sounds like a certain old man is coming down with Alzheimers.
Harlot juices is very offensive and disrespectful to women. Love juices sounds better. Also vaginas don't contain concentrated sulfuric acid. Only an old man with Alzheimers would believe something that ridiculous.
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This is not some park in San fransissyco!!!!!
Brother Hatchet is not George Boy Michaels either!
I hope I don't get AIDS from your question!!
Why are you back here?
Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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